Search found 123 matches

by spin
Mon Oct 20, 2008 7:24 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Needs and communication (mixed messages much)
Replies: 4
Views: 1555

Re: Needs and communication (mixed messages much)

Gah, I've missed comparing notes, Placebo! I'm pleased to hear you and your friend are still working things out :^) some of our roughest patches are when we haven't been able to reserve a big enough block of time to relax/cuddle/(have sex) together for a while and we can both feel ourselves sufferin...
by spin
Fri Oct 17, 2008 7:11 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Needs and communication (mixed messages much)
Replies: 4
Views: 1555

Needs and communication (mixed messages much)

I have needs, y'all. I need I need to feel appreciated. I need satisfying conversation. I need good one-one one time. I need touch--I am a cuddler, touch is a reassuring and happy thing. These are things I don't get sometimes when we're both tired. I try to express these needs to my fella, but I thi...
by spin
Fri Oct 17, 2008 5:39 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: enjoying sexuality asexily
Replies: 41
Views: 20152

Re: enjoying sexuality asexily

The other day I mentioned "the big asexuality website" offhand in a conversation with the fella, and I suppose it was the first time I'd mentioned asexuality for a while, probably related to not spending so much time self-reflecting about it online (hi all! zomg life has been busy. Kisses!...
by spin
Fri Oct 17, 2008 4:56 pm
Forum: General Discussions and Fun
Topic: The rest of your identity
Replies: 90
Views: 34299

Re: The rest of your identity

A very belated thanks to you both. Did you get that paper in, Shockwave? I've had a mad, mad summer, and am now settling into a new house and a new job and trying to convince myself to work on my grad school application in spite of political and economic insecurity stressing me out (and needing anot...
by spin
Thu Jun 19, 2008 8:57 pm
Forum: General Discussions and Fun
Topic: The rest of your identity
Replies: 90
Views: 34299

Re: The rest of your identity

hmmm. . . First and foremost in my life right now is being a university student. I guess I have to revise this, since I graduated last weekend. It's weird to think that I'm not in school anymore. The work I've been having luck with so far would have me as a costumer, which I like. Now that I have m...
by spin
Thu May 29, 2008 8:39 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Legitimacy and Blurry Lines
Replies: 34
Views: 29709

Re: Legitimacy and Blurry Lines

Ookay, this took me a while to put together. Thing is, there are (at least) two blurry edges to consider. One is the repulsed/traumatized/sex-phobic/antisexual set, who can get denounced as simply having issues whether or not they're asexual underneath that. I think that's who we're mostly talking a...
by spin
Wed May 28, 2008 8:35 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: What is sex?
Replies: 18
Views: 7384

Re: What is sex?

I'm not entirely comfortable with that. . . small children often masturbate without having any idea that what they're doing is 'sexual,' but under that definition, they're having sex with themselves. eep. I do tend to think sex requires more than one person, and that it depends on the participants' ...
by spin
Tue May 27, 2008 2:19 pm
Forum: Blog Post Discussion
Topic: It's not about the act
Replies: 13
Views: 29556

Re: It's not about the act: the blog post

Looks great. Put it on up, Admin!
by spin
Fri May 23, 2008 11:03 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: What is sex?
Replies: 18
Views: 7384

Re: What is sex?

I love these answers so far! Admin, I think virginity deserves its own thread. That's a whole crazy subject in itself! I felt sexually active before having sex by my partner's definition, because we were sharing what I definitely think of as sexual activities. I gave up trying to decide whether I th...
by spin
Thu May 22, 2008 8:43 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: What is sex?
Replies: 18
Views: 7384

What is sex?

A simple enough question. How do you define sex? Who needs to be involved and what needs to happen in order for it to be "sex"? What are the limits of sex?
by spin
Thu May 22, 2008 6:59 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

Just to be clear, we are working things out that are pretty great for both of us :D The thing is, "the rest" wasn't happening alll that often. I think attempts at compromise were good for me but just frustrating him, so there's actually more of the other stuff now that he's not thinking &q...
by spin
Thu May 22, 2008 7:59 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: The sexual divide
Replies: 9
Views: 5280

Re: The sexual divide

no!! This is an important topic, I don't want to be a conversation stopper. And I think that's a really good point, Dargon, which the asexual community would do well to draw peoples' attention to. It's clearly not about sex, if some people have not only one night stands with strangers (something AVE...
by spin
Wed May 21, 2008 8:58 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: The sexual divide
Replies: 9
Views: 5280

Re: The sexual divide

A good friend of mine has a f*ck buddy who she'll sometimes describe as such. They started out as being in a quasi-romantic sexual relationship, but were never quite "dating" and soon decided that would be a bad idea. They aren't romantically interested in each other, they're not the close...
by spin
Wed May 21, 2008 8:18 am
Forum: Relationships
Topic: friendship/romance question being discussed?
Replies: 6
Views: 3243

Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Yep, the poly community is a great place to find people open to discussion of friendship and love in nontraditional formats. http://www.polymatchmaker.com might look like just a poly hookup site, but I actually found a lot of great discussion there and the people I talkd to were very interested in d...
by spin
Tue May 20, 2008 3:09 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Asking for support/who's on your list?
Replies: 20
Views: 7923

Asking for support/who's on your list?

Asking for help or support is something I have a lot of trouble with in nearly all my friendships and relationships. I don't want to seem needy or burden other people with my problems, so I try to tough out whatever I've got going on. In the end, I realize that this hurts me and the people who want ...
by spin
Tue May 20, 2008 2:02 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

Glad it's interesting to other people, too. I'd like to hear your perspective, if you're willing to join the discussion. And at the risk of oversharing. . .yeah, all right then. Apparently that works for us. I don't feel that it changes things that much, but he clearly does. And like I said back in ...
by spin
Tue May 13, 2008 9:24 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

In his head, sex means intercourse specifically, and he's been feeling unfulfilled and inadequate without it. This was certainly the hardest thing for me to get my head around - the idea that someone could split up sexual behaviour and say "everything but intercourse, ok" and "interc...
by spin
Mon May 12, 2008 9:27 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

*nodnod* the experience/comfort thing is a big part of it, and I think would be regardless. He's rather older than I am and definitely more sexually experienced. His sexuality is important to him, and he just really likes sex. We've both known this, I've just thought things were going okay with the ...
by spin
Sun May 11, 2008 4:33 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

rrrr. I'm seeing two issues with our compromise at this point; his definition of "sex," and again back to my difficulty pushing boundaries and initiating sexual encounters. In his head, sex means intercourse specifically, and he's been feeling unfulfilled and inadequate without it. I don't...
by spin
Sun May 11, 2008 3:07 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: How can you really, really be sure if you are asexual?
Replies: 16
Views: 8370

Re: How can you really, really be sure if you are asexual?

As with most identities, you just have to sit back, think about it, and decide if you think it describes you well enough to be useful to you. Like Emma, I find "asexuality" fits me very well, because though I find sex and sexuality fascinating and am in a sexual relationship, I don't natur...
by spin
Sun May 11, 2008 2:51 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Everything I Could Think Of
Replies: 14
Views: 5051

Re: Everything I Could Think Of

Just to say it again, it is so great how Aberpride has embraced you and how active you are, Emma!
by spin
Sun May 11, 2008 2:47 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: It's not about the act
Replies: 10
Views: 4318

Re: It's not about the act

There is more to it than that: making each other feel good, being vulnerable to each other, having some power over each other, just focusing on one another. I guess that's part of the '-uality' of it to most people, the underpinnings that make sex more than just a physical act. I can definitely ima...
by spin
Sun May 11, 2008 2:00 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Pregnancy risks and birth control
Replies: 17
Views: 12790

Re: [Adult] Pregnancy risks and birth control

Wow, that only took forever . Sorry to take so long to get back to you, folks. I hunted around and decided the best I could do would be to get a FemCap , the only type of cervical cap currently on the market in the US. They're only available by prescription here, and a bit spendy, too! Well, not if ...
by spin
Thu May 08, 2008 9:21 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: It's not about the act
Replies: 10
Views: 4318

Re: It's not about the act

But asexuality, as I understand it, is about more than the act of sex – it's about not interacting with people along a sexual framework, and not desiring/requiring sexuality (note the -uality) to be a part of close relationships, in the way that sexual people do. Thing is, it seems that sexuality, ...
by spin
Tue May 06, 2008 5:02 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Everything I Could Think Of
Replies: 14
Views: 5051

Re: Everything I Could Think Of

ooh, I like it! after a runthrough: red=something I've removed green=something I've changed/added Who] is an asexual person? An asexual is a person who is not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender. Everyone has certain people they are not sexually attracted to – asexual people just find that ev...
by spin
Thu May 01, 2008 10:34 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Community Beyond Technology Conference
Replies: 4
Views: 2100

Re: Community Beyond Technology Conference

I do like this idea Chlirissa, though I agree with Witch of Wapping that it would have to be a regional/national event due to how spread out the online asexual community is. Nonetheless, there are a good number of asexual people in both North America and Europe/Great Britain, and I think it might be...
by spin
Thu May 01, 2008 10:04 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: Romantic attraction?
Replies: 31
Views: 14289

Re: Romantic attraction?

Honestly, and maybe this is just me getting cranky about all the word games folks play at the other place, but I don't find "romantic/aromantic" a useful distinction. I think of "romance," as a very peculiar and internal sort of social construction, and therefore interest in &quo...
by spin
Fri Apr 18, 2008 5:38 pm
Forum: Feedback
Topic: love the site
Replies: 6
Views: 4205

Re: love the site

I'm with Witch of Wapping, Admin. . .I think the emphasis on the KB has overwhelmed the community/discussion part of the site. I want the KB to be there to support discussion of asexuality on the forums and beyond, more than for the forums to support the KB. I've been extremely busy and not able to ...
by spin
Tue Apr 08, 2008 2:14 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

*grin* thanks, Olivier. *hugs* Ewok, I'm really sorry to hear about your nonconsensual experience. I know breaches of trust like that are really hard to recover from, and I feel for you. I think compromise should only become a question when you've got someone you are comfortable and happy compromisi...
by spin
Fri Apr 04, 2008 8:48 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 31871

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

Trying to find "the thing that works best" or even "a thing that works at all" in a sexual/asexual relationship isn't easy. Your partner is bound to have lots of ideas of things he thinks you might be able to do together, and surely knows that some of those things are more likel...