Search found 138 matches

by Olivier
Mon Aug 10, 2009 1:23 am
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: Desire vs. Attraction
Replies: 21
Views: 10904

Re: Desire vs. Attraction

Orientation = I like cake.
Attraction = That particular chocolate cake looks like it would be nice
Desire = Want. Cake. Now. (may follow very soon after attraction :) )
by Olivier
Wed Jun 24, 2009 12:33 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: Sexual repression?
Replies: 53
Views: 28882

Re: Sexual repression?

OK, I'll put on my contrary hat :) Firstly, I think sexual repression exists. Not perhaps in a purely Freudian sense, but along the lines of 1, 6, and somewhat 4 above. Secondly, I think "sexual repression" is a fine and dandy word for that. Thirdly, as long as society collectively is not ...
by Olivier
Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:51 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Why do we organize as asexuals?
Replies: 33
Views: 17024

Re: Why do we organize as asexuals?

I share others' concerns about the viability of direct asexual political action (standing candidates, etc). not only is there no clear agenda, but there's also no real reason to believe that a single issue party would be more attractive than mainstream parties dealing with bigger issues. But the rea...
by Olivier
Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:51 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: I'm not sure I believe in sexual attraction anymore
Replies: 17
Views: 9420

Re: I'm not sure I believe in sexual attraction anymore

As a sexual, I've got to say I believe in sexual attraction ;) Of Andrew's list of "five different feelings/responses that people probably consider sexual attraction", I all personally have felt all five for every person I've been sexually attracted to (other than walk-by's, but given enou...
by Olivier
Sat Mar 07, 2009 9:39 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Don't knock it til you try it!
Replies: 23
Views: 12227

Re: Don't knock it til you try it!

I've read that there are plenty of people who find some sexual act repulsive, even to think about. However, after doing it a few times, find that they can like it. The context I read this in dealt with sexual people trying out different kinds of sexual things, but the point remains valid: our imagi...
by Olivier
Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:51 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Asexual erasure
Replies: 17
Views: 10825

Re: Asexual erasure

Oh, and Google Cache FTW: Anyone interested in the sexforums.com thread I was talking about can find it here: http://209.85.175.132/search?q=cache:qtssEzhXzvAJ:www.sexforums.com/general-sex-forum/t-asexualitynonlibidoism-61542.html It wasn't cached at the time, but it is now. Don't know how that wor...
by Olivier
Mon Mar 02, 2009 2:53 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Asexual erasure
Replies: 17
Views: 10825

Re: Asexual erasure

This is a good thread that I would like to discuss further. Any takers? and highlighted for me again the difficulty that asexuals who have sex may have in getting anyone to acknowledge their asexuality, or even to acknowledge it themselves. Why do sexually active asexuals need to have anyone acknow...
by Olivier
Mon Feb 16, 2009 12:16 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Gay Blogger says Asexuals are "Disabled"
Replies: 13
Views: 5992

Re: Gay Blogger says Asexuals are "Disabled"

Yes, he certainly struck me as someone who uses the "tough guy" persona to hide a whole mountainload of defensiveness and insecurity.
by Olivier
Sat Feb 14, 2009 9:46 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Gay Blogger says Asexuals are "Disabled"
Replies: 13
Views: 5992

Re: Gay Blogger says Asexuals are "Disabled"

He doesn't seem to be getting any links apart from Queers United (calling him out) and NGBlog, a mate of his who has JATGAB as a news feed on his blog (so a link appears on every page of NGBlog), and who has put up a post praising JATGAB's stance. As annoying as he is, I'm with Dargon. So some dickh...
by Olivier
Thu Feb 05, 2009 7:39 pm
Forum: Feedback
Topic: New forum breaks old links
Replies: 6
Views: 3580

Re: New forum breaks old links

Thanks for looking into it - I'll just update the old links as I find them :)
by Olivier
Thu Feb 05, 2009 2:16 am
Forum: Feedback
Topic: New forum breaks old links
Replies: 6
Views: 3580

New forum breaks old links

Hi Karl, I was just wondering if there's a reason the forum got moved out of the /forum directory? I've got a few threads bookmarked, and I've also somewhat shamelessly pimped Apositive on AVEN when discussion turns to topics that have already been discussed here (often in way too much detail to sum...
by Olivier
Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:17 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Asexual erasure
Replies: 17
Views: 10825

Re: Asexual erasure

I don't actually agree with you in this part time and again the message goes out that asexuals don't have sex, don't form sexual relationships, don't get anything (emotional or sensual or vicarious) from sex if they do have it. And so the message is that if you indulge in sexual behaviour, you're s...
by Olivier
Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:34 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Asexual erasure
Replies: 17
Views: 10825

Asexual erasure

So.... there I was wikisurfing around (having started out trying to find out who coined the term "pomosexual" when I ended up the page for " Bisexual erasure ". I'm familiar with the concept but I thought I'd read it anyway, who knows where it would lead, afer all? :) And a whole...
by Olivier
Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:10 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?
Replies: 14
Views: 10465

Re: Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?

Relating to inanechild's mentioning not wanting to date an asexual because of that, how much overlap is there between lack of sexual intimacy and lack of a spark, as far as interest in dating an asexual would go? Well, like all good questions, the answer is "It depends" ;) In this case it...
by Olivier
Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:10 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?
Replies: 14
Views: 10465

Re: Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?

Thanks for that reminder Placebo. On reflection it's not really asexuality that the main issue (although there is something a little unromantic on missing out on mad sexual passion, but that's only a small element of most sexual relationships), but the attitude of the asexual partner. That attitude ...
by Olivier
Thu Jul 03, 2008 8:38 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?
Replies: 14
Views: 10465

Is asexuality intrinsically unromantic to sexuals?

If romance is all about boosting levels of attraction (as I mused in this thread ) then that would explain why sexuals can feel so threatened by their partner's asexuality. In a sexual/asexual relationship a boost in sexual attraction on the part of the sexual partner can be unwelcome to (or unwelco...
by Olivier
Thu Jun 19, 2008 11:45 pm
Forum: General Discussions and Fun
Topic: The rest of your identity
Replies: 90
Views: 32371

Re: The rest of your identity

Congrats on graduating, spin!
by Olivier
Thu May 22, 2008 2:44 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Asking for support/who's on your list?
Replies: 20
Views: 7335

Re: Asking for support/who's on your list?

Oh yeah, how could I forget drowning my sorrows! :lol: But alcohol is a depressant... only in excess, in the right amount it improves sociablity, renders the dull, interesting; the foul, comely and improves coding skills to the point where they become 'skilz'. Off topic, but that last bit reminds m...
by Olivier
Tue May 20, 2008 5:24 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 30479

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

I don't know what to make of the fact we didn't get much of anywhere with the attempts at compromise this thread started out with. My boundaries and definitions shifted, and--while granted I'm comfortable with where things are now--I don't think his have. He just repressed himself until I got to wh...
by Olivier
Tue May 20, 2008 4:43 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: Asking for support/who's on your list?
Replies: 20
Views: 7335

Re: Asking for support/who's on your list?

This is going to be a bit boring, but in every case it's my wife. Even if the problem is with our relationship - or even especially then - she's the person I go to. When bringing up problems about our relationship is a bad idea (bad timing, likely to be taken the wrong way, etc) I either sit on it f...
by Olivier
Tue May 20, 2008 4:07 pm
Forum: Relationships
Topic: friendship/romance question being discussed?
Replies: 6
Views: 3045

Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Not sure if this is useful, but it's interesting (I've only skimmed it - it starts getting interesting near the end of the first page) - basically the authors propose an intimate but nonsexual relationship as a way of being close, but not inappropriately so, to work colleagues. http://psychologytoda...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 8:29 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Ignorant Masses!
Replies: 6
Views: 1943

Re: Ignorant Masses!

Obviously, it astounds me too, Olivier. 8| I question everything, and I find it hard to understand people who won't do that. In America, I think most moms would be thrilled to see a dad with his kids at the park. They'd find it sweet, you know? What an odd playground... :think: Australia generally ...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 8:02 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...
Replies: 9
Views: 4511

Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

... if I know that scattering rose petals doesn't do it for me, it's difficult to know what else is encompassed by that word "romance". For me, it includes all sorts of thoughtfulness and gratuitous kindness, and to some extent conscious effort to clear a path through the million and one ...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 7:33 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Ignorant Masses!
Replies: 6
Views: 1943

Re: Ignorant Masses!

I'm very secure in my self-image, so I don't take any of those things personally, but it still does astound me how some people are so untroubled people are with their ignorance. I don't get treated with ignorance sexually, being straight, but the one thing that does bug me a bit comes from my role a...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 7:33 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...
Replies: 9
Views: 4511

Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

I don't really understand romance. I've never "been in love" and don't know if I'll ever be. Romantic movies seem like science fiction to me. If one person fixated all their attention on me, I think I'd be scared. Unless it was my child, I think it would be strange. But I do want companio...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 6:17 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: Romantic attraction?
Replies: 31
Views: 13770

Re: Romantic attraction?

Is it just a strong and heady blend of physical/emotional attraction, or a sexual/physical/emotional fusion of some sort, for sexual people? For me, romance is more a drive that covers these three spheres of attraction, rather than a separate form of attraction in its own right. Romantic drive seem...
by Olivier
Mon May 12, 2008 6:16 pm
Forum: Sexuality
Topic: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?
Replies: 51
Views: 30479

Re: [Adult] Compromise in sexual/asexual relationships: ideas?

In his head, sex means intercourse specifically, and he's been feeling unfulfilled and inadequate without it. This was certainly the hardest thing for me to get my head around - the idea that someone could split up sexual behaviour and say "everything but intercourse, ok" and "interc...
by Olivier
Mon Apr 28, 2008 2:28 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Negativity, reactionary responses, etc.
Replies: 13
Views: 4284

Re: Negativity, reactionary responses, etc.

Olivier - I hope you don't consider me to be those things, though I do consider myself to be antisexual because I actively dislike sex, rather than just being indifferent to it. Going back & reading the arguments on AVEN I admit that I was probably too all-inclusive in my original post, I guess...
by Olivier
Sat Apr 26, 2008 8:33 pm
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Negativity, reactionary responses, etc.
Replies: 13
Views: 4284

Re: Negativity, reactionary responses, etc.

One thing that gets me is the exclusionary aspect of the antisexuals: "Don't come in our threads if you are sexual or sex-positive", "Let us construct our sanctuary from the outside world" and worst of all "what are you doing on AVEN if you are sexual? Did you come here just...
by Olivier
Tue Apr 15, 2008 3:07 am
Forum: Asexuality
Topic: Legitimacy and Blurry Lines
Replies: 34
Views: 28934

Re: Legitimacy and Blurry Lines

Part of it is that some of us are affected by “queer” thinking where there is no such thing as a sexual orientation fixed in stone for anyone at all , only sexual identity formed by all kinds of factors including specific experiences, and which can change over time. As much as I'm 100% straight (ac...