General reactions

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
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Re: General reactions

Postby stainedandroid » Sat Feb 16, 2008 11:56 am

I've told everyone important to me (and as I become more comfortable, I identify more openly) about asexuality and how it pertains to me.

Both of my parents gave me the old "you haven't met the right girl" response. Although, my mom was a lot more understanding.

As for my friends... I hang out with really really sexual people. They are always talking about it, so my stance inevitably came up. At first, I revealed it to only 3 people, and they were understanding, yet baffled. Then, as I realized that it was both extremely obvious and also would not negatively affect anyone, I began openly identifying myself as asexual. Honestly, I love talking about it. Mostly because a lot of the questions people come at me with are ones I couldn't have thought of on my own, so it is a mental exercise and simultaneously helps me clarify my own thoughts.
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Re: General reactions

Postby jaybird721 » Sun Feb 17, 2008 10:44 am

I've gotten mostly good reactions. The worst ones have been mixtures of incredulity and disbelief, but they generally get over it [or stop insisting that I don't mean it]. I'm lucky, in a sense, to be aromantic, though, because then I don't have to explain any romantic orientation things when coming out to people. Most of them have such a hard time accepting the general concept of asexuality that trying to explain asexuality + romantic drive would be really tricky. Some of them have been interested enough to ask questions, and those ones I can try and explain romantic drive too [it's a little harder for me, as well, since I've never experienced it and can't really answer really specific or detailed questions].

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Re: General reactions

Postby cyan » Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:48 am

The first time I tried to come out (to my mom and best friend / not-a-relationship), I did it the cowardly way -- basically said "What if I never experience this mystical hormonal surge that will make me start wanting to have sex?" My mom got all twitchy about me dying alone and sad; my best friend got all twitchy about not wanting to think about something that would lower the already nonexistent chance that I would ever be in a relationship with him.

Note: I was playing with a bad hand, since at that point in time, I believed that asexual = aromantic, and this was about a year away from my first hardcore crush.

This was four years ago.

More recently, I've begun coming out to first close friends, then less close friends, and now sort-of-in-a-way the rest of the world (joined the Facebook group). I try not to be obnoxious about it -- just drop the information into the conversation when it seems appropriate, and field questions when or if they appear. Most of the time they don't -- people either don't say anything, or have an "oh, ok" sort of reaction. The few who have reacted more strongly have mostly just curious, but respectful of my right to know what I'm talking about when it comes to my own orientation.

I will freely admit to not having the emotional strength to reopen the subject with my mom, at least not as long as I still talk to her on a regular basis. As far as everyone else goes, though ... I figure either they'll understand, they won't understand but they'll accept me anyway, or screw them. And when looked at like that, it just doesn't seem quite worth worrying about keeping it a secret. :P

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Re: General reactions

Postby xelsa » Sat Apr 19, 2008 3:52 pm

I`m pretty much open with that and I know that I´m not already able to say where I will stand in about 5 years. I define myself as someone who lives with an extremely low libido and that is obvious. Being different, feeling like an alien, never really wanted to be like “them”, bored of stupid sexual behavior. What I definitely know is that I will stay in my relationship, if anyone can say that.

I am in a relationship and we both are very satisfied with each other. I know that my boyfriend never talked to anyone about his sexuality, not even when he was a teenager. His parents very much believed he was gay, but when you`re young and you have no one to talk about anything, you may grow more different. Wishing to be like everyone else.

Now, almost three years after I know who I am, everyone I tell about asexuality seems to be interested.

Um, I met my partner/boyfriend at aven german forum and perhaps we celebrate our engagement on our third anniversary. Nobody will ever ask a couple what theire sexlife is like, so no further coming out in the future.

So difficult for me to find words in English, but I have to learn :-)

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Re: General reactions

Postby luvinmomofone1 » Tue May 06, 2008 2:55 pm

first of all being realtively new to this concept that seems to fit me the only place i have talked about it is in the forums i have been in. some ppl dont understand and some do. i am very afraid to tell someone i like that i dont like sex..what will their reaction be? will they dump me? will they understand? can i have a close loving relationship and not have sex involved. these are the things that run thru my head..

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Re: General reactions

Postby NightmareKitty » Mon Jan 12, 2009 6:40 pm

Let's see...

My mom's reaction has changed considerably, thankfully - in 2004, when I was 17 and I first found out that "no thanks, not for me" was an option when it came to sex, she said "You're not asexual," and that was the end of that. A year ago or so, she admitted that I didn't have interest, but "it was just out of fear." Finally, just a little while ago, she seemed resigned to it, saying "you're missing out on a whole world," but not trying to change it.

My dad thinks I have "intimacy problems," but has pretty much said that if I'm happy, I can do what I want.

Thankfully with my parents, grandkids aren't a concern with me even if I were sexual, as my genetic situation makes having kids irresponsible.

My brother's surprisingly cool with it. But then, he is with just about everything.

Some of my friends and my first-year roommate were the hardest to convince, actually. One of them was the one who actually gave me the word "asexual" to look up, but that was only after two years of trying to figure out what I was with all sorts of prodding. Another friend had a verifiable shitfit over it, misinterpreting asexual to necessarily mean antisexual and disapproving of anyone else who wants sex, as well as bringing out the old "that's unnatural" argument. Thankfully she got over that a while ago. My former roommate is the last person holding out that I'm not asexual - even though almost four years have proven her wrong that I was going to change. She thinks that I've just been too preoccupied with other stuff and not found the right person/kind of sex. But that's mostly because sex as a subject is her pet obsession, and she can't imagine how anyone could not share it.

The one good thing about an otherwise terrible friendship I had in the recent past was that the person was completely accepting and expecting, actually, of my asexuality, at least in the time I was most needing people to be. Later she accused me of actually being a lesbian out to steal her from her boyfriend, while at the same time was incredibly crude around me, even to the point where other sexual people as well as me were uncomfortable, and often implying that I was somehow flawed, immature or less of a person because of my disinterest in sex and related issues, but that's another story. >>

I haven't actually brought up the "A word" with my current best friend, but she already knows that I'm unaffected and disinterested by the whole thing, and that I just don't view people that way, so I guess it's the same result. She doesn't seem to want to change it, but I don't know to what extent that she gets it and that it's not going to change. If it comes up, I'll discuss it, but it doesn't seem to be an issue currently.

I've told some other people here and there with mixed results.

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Re: General reactions

Postby Casey » Thu Jan 15, 2009 2:11 am

Hi. New here. Keyboard is broken, so will be short. Great place. I'm 63, and sure could have used a place like this 45 years ago. You guys are lucky to have these resources. I'll be back on Friday after new keyboard arrives! Cat threw up on it.
Last edited by Karl on Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added all your missing spaces and 'p's for you.

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Re: General reactions

Postby queerunity » Thu Jan 15, 2009 2:44 pm

I am more grey-A and everyone I talk to about it just thinks its a phase and that im nervous, they may be right, but they shouldn't dismiss the notion that some are genuinely A.
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Re: General reactions

Postby Karl » Thu Jan 15, 2009 5:23 pm

I fixed your post for you, Casey. I hope your new keyboard arrives soon!

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Re: General reactions

Postby Casey » Thu Jan 15, 2009 6:40 pm