Sorry for my persistence, but...

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StrangeCreature
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Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:08 am

I feel really embarrassed about asking again, but I made some more "discoveries" so to speak, that may help me identify which labels I can use more correctly. I still feel the need for help:



My story in detail is as follows:



Romantically, I've had what MIGHT have been very short-lasting "love", if you'd even call it that. I've been considering if I'm grey-romantic, although more and more I seem to just not feel it, which sucks because so many people fall for me. It's like I can never return it, and I WANT to date, but it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's just because I don't feel it, or what. I do think that's part of it, though, and it's definitely overwhelming.



I dated a guy when I was 13...first boyfriend, Daniel...I didn't like kissing him at all, but I cared deeply for him, and really enjoyed doing things with him. When we broke up, he turned on me, and made fun of me, and was horrible, but I still really cared about him and missed him...I dated Evan when I was 17. He was so much fun to be around. I may have loved him, because I wanted to marry him...but even with him, I didn't want sex, or like to cuddle...maybe I liked brief cuddling in the beginning, though. I dated Ray when I was 21. I really felt great and energized around him in the beginning, and cared about him a lot, but I didn't want to cuddle, nor have sex, and I disliked kissing. We did "play" a bit, but it was only okay. All the rest were entirely platonic, and I actually wanted them literally away from me. I have always had a "yes" problem, as I've described it. In other words, I always seem to agree to date people...even if I don't feel that way about them. I've cheated on all of the people I have dated, except for Daniel. I broke up with him because another guy, Patrick, asked me out. I didn't like Patrick, though, and I don't know why I went out with him. Evan was perhaps the only one who broke up with me. With Ray, it was mutual, although my motive was that I wasn't interested anymore, and wanted to date someone else. Sometimes I regret it, but it wouldn't have worked out. I think I miss people, but I'm not certain I really love them. Sometimes relationships (for me) "fade" extremely quickly...even in a few days, the "feelings" I have will vanish. I used to wonder why I can't be monogamous, nor polyamorous, and felt bad about it.



Sexually, I used to consider myself "Entirely sneeze sexual", which might say a lot. I can't get off to anything but my fetish, so to speak, and during "play" with the partners I've had, I didn't have any interest in sex or them, really. I just wanted them to cater to my fetish.



I didn't experience "crushes" like the other girls did when I was young. I didn't find guys attractive physically at all, either...So I wondered if I was a lesbian when I was 13. Yet, I didn't feel anything for them, then. Later on, I started being attracted to them, but the question still remains: Is it just because I THOUGHT I was before? Could I have convinced myself at a young and impressionable age? The other day, while watching a mockumentary movie for fun, called, "The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human", I was "checking out" the breasts on the lead female...but I realized something just as I was doing it. There was a small click in my mind, like, "I should check out her boobs. Why am I not doing that?", and that was when I checked them out, and saw her as "eye-candy", which I get a lot. It's not so much that I'm interested in doing anything with them. Those are almost conscious thoughts when I have them, and they occur when I WANT to feel something. So I do.



I've simplified the question as to whether I am asexual or not to the literal meaning of it, "Not sexual". Am I not sexual? Yes...and yet, there seems to be so much more to the title of asexuality that confuses me, and when I need to figure something out, I need to figure something out, and can't let it go until I do. It's the way my mind works...


To simplify:


I like:
-Going out and doing things
-Going out to eat
-Chatting


I'm okay with:
-Holding hands
-Tight hugs


I don't like:
-Cuddling (ESPECIALLY Spooning)
-Kissing
-Having sex

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KAGU143
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby KAGU143 » Thu Dec 05, 2013 8:21 am

Have you done any research on the various so-called personality disorders?
There are spectrums for those just like there are for sexual orientations and it sounds to me like you might be somewhere on the sociopath spectrum.
(This is not necessarily a bad thing.)
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Thu Dec 05, 2013 10:51 pm

I have done some small research, and I've wondered about that in the past, but my therapist doesn't think that I am. The major trait is calculating. I am FAR from that. I'm very impulsive in what I do, and I rarely lie.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:14 am

NoctisArbor wrote:Romantically, I've had what MIGHT have been very short-lasting "love", if you'd even call it that.


Feeling love is open to both sexual and asexual, apparently not aromantics

NoctisArbor wrote:I've been considering if I'm grey-romantic, although more and more I seem to just not feel it, which sucks because so many people fall for me. It's like I can never return it, and I WANT to date, but it makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it's just because I don't feel it, or what. I do think that's part of it, though, and it's definitely overwhelming.


I wonder wether you are just a apathetic romantic?

NoctisArbor wrote: I dated a guy when I was 13...first boyfriend, Daniel...I didn't like kissing him at all, but I cared deeply for him, and really enjoyed doing things with him. When we broke up, he turned on me, and made fun of me, and was horrible, but I still really cared about him and missed him...I dated Evan when I was 17. He was so much fun to be around. I may have loved him, because I wanted to marry him...but even with him, I didn't want sex, or like to cuddle...maybe I liked brief cuddling in the beginning, though. I dated Ray when I was 21. I really felt great and energized around him in the beginning, and cared about him a lot, but I didn't want to cuddle, nor have sex, and I disliked kissing. We did "play" a bit, but it was only okay. All the rest were entirely platonic, and I actually wanted them literally away from me. I have always had a "yes" problem, as I've described it. In other words, I always seem to agree to date people...even if I don't feel that way about them. I've cheated on all of the people I have dated, except for Daniel. I broke up with him because another guy, Patrick, asked me out. I didn't like Patrick, though, and I don't know why I went out with him. Evan was perhaps the only one who broke up with me. With Ray, it was mutual, although my motive was that I wasn't interested anymore, and wanted to date someone else. Sometimes I regret it, but it wouldn't have worked out. I think I miss people, but I'm not certain I really love them. Sometimes relationships (for me) "fade" extremely quickly...even in a few days, the "feelings" I have will vanish. I used to wonder why I can't be monogamous, nor polyamorous, and felt bad about it..


Can I suggest, you are looking for the one and rather than accept there probably is not one ( the closest anyone will ever get is more ticks in the box than not and a high level of compatibility), but as you process your exes perhaps your looking for reasons to justify why they did not work rather than accept a lot of relationships just don't...even more so the early ones

NoctisArbor wrote:Sexually, I used to consider myself "Entirely sneeze sexual", which might say a lot. ..


Yes it says...wtf is is a sneeze sexual....I think you have been in aven :lol:

NoctisArbor wrote:I can't get off to anything but my fetish, so to speak, and during "play" with the partners I've had, I didn't have any interest in sex or them, really. I just wanted them to cater to my fetish...


Some asexuals and sexuals just can't get of on realism and prefer the fetish world...nothing wrong with that at all

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:20 am

I'm not sure what an apathetic romantic is, but I don't feel romantic love, I don't think. I may have had some form of infatuation. I looked up the difference between crushes and squishes, and mine seem in between, leaning toward squish. Still iffy.

Also, I looked up sexual attraction, and I definitely have no need for sex, and when I tried it, I didn't enjoy it. I can find people hot, though.

Also, "Wtf is a sneeze sexual" was lovely of you. Maybe just ask nicely instead? You might get a better response, especially if you used punctuation too. Anyway, I meant that to explain that I don't have any interest in anything other than sneezes sexually, really. I'd rather just masturbate to sneezes than do stuff with people. My previous partners have complained about this. I just had no interest in them physically, really. Also, a lot of sneeze fetishists are interested in seeing attractive people sneeze, but I really don't care who is sneezing.

Also, thanks a lot for the childish judgements. Sheesh.


EDIT: Ciri explained your intentions. I got a little offended at nothing. Sorry.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:53 am

No worry...I always get that interpretation 8-) but that was nice....by my standards lol

I still wonder wether you have looked into aromantics?

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Fri Dec 06, 2013 8:04 am

I have looked into aromantics, and am not sure if I'm aromantic or grey-romantic. I'm probably one of the two. I'm still trying to understand the concept of romantic attraction better. Heh.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:09 am

I tend not to over think what maybe obvious to me

Sexual attraction= there is something in my body and mind that makes me want to bang you till your bandy legged and can't walk for a week

Romantic attraction=my life is more complete with you in it and i'd like that to last
Last edited by PiF on Fri Dec 06, 2013 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Fri Dec 06, 2013 9:55 am

PiF wrote:I tend not go over think what maybe obvious to me

Sexual attraction= there is something in my body and mind that makes me want to bang you till your bandy legged and can't walk for a week

Romantic attraction=my life is more complete with you in it and i'd like that to last



That clears everything up pretty well, actually! Thanks!

So yes, asexual fetishist, since I don't want to "bang" anyone. :P

As for romantic orientation, I used to say that I rarely felt romantic attraction, much less so than others, but still did. Still, maybe I get it enough that I could consider myself "heteroromantic". *shrug*


EDIT: I have a better description of my romantic feelings...but an aromantic said it sounds more like a squish than a crush:


-Warm, fuzzy feeling, blushing, some degree of excitement and interest in spending time with them, no real interest in sex...I used to like the idea of kissing, but when I HAVE kissed it did very little, if anything for me with most. I just don't like it. Even with the people I SUPPOSEDLY loved.
-Wanting to date them? Usually, but that doesn't mean classic dating for me. It means spending time
-But even as a teen, I found it very, very rare to like anyone that way too. It's even rarer now
-It wasn't until I was 13 that I really got any remote feelings for anyone

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:36 am

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to double-post here, but I wanted to make sure my previous edit is seen. Sorry about that.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby jmb » Sun Dec 08, 2013 6:36 am

PiF wrote:Feeling love is open to both sexual and asexual, apparently not aromantics


Wrong. Being aromantic isn't about the "feeling" of love. Just like being asexual isn't about the "action" of sex. It's about what you look for/want/desire in relation other people. Do you look for/want/desire some sense of "The One/several" to spend the rest of your life with? Then you're not aromantic. That's all.

Saying it like you have makes it sound like it's impossible for an aromantic to feel love/get married/have intimate relationships with others/etc. That's not the case.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Sun Dec 08, 2013 1:53 pm

Pif, my life is more complete with you in it and I would like that to last <3

But I'm not romantically attracted to you, pilchardface.

That's not what's being said, Jmb. I thought we had ascertained that there was romantic love and platonic love.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby jmb » Sun Dec 08, 2013 2:54 pm

Ciri wrote:That's not what's being said, Jmb. I thought we had ascertained that there was romantic love and platonic love.


In THIS thread that was exactly what was said. If that isn't what was meant, then PiF should choose his phrasing more carefully. Especially when speaking with someone who is discerning their orientation. You can't expect people who post to go read every other thread on this BBS.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Sun Dec 08, 2013 3:06 pm

Ciri... pilchard face? how rude lol

My feeling is that aro's do not feel love after all what is passion want and desire within a relationship if there is no love?

It would seem to me that if aromantics exist then any relationship is more akin to a platonic relationship than a loving one and even more for some it would be nothing more than a business relationship.

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby KAGU143 » Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:47 pm

Wait ... pilchard face?? :scratch: :scratch:

Isn't that some sort of a fish?
Or, in related news, who the hell is Jasmine Pilchard Gosnell? ( And why does anybody care? :yawn:)
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Mon Dec 09, 2013 4:22 am

Yesh. T'is better than "troutleg".

My dates...Actually, I don't date @.@ Oh dear.

I literally used to just knock on my housemates door and hop into bed with them. Straight to the point >.<

Less happened then you could imagine. I always pulled out of it and we ended up ordering chinese and watching Ashton Krutcher films.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Mon Dec 09, 2013 8:13 am

Ciri wrote:But I'm not romantically attracted to you, pilchardface.


Pilchardface? Yeah, I could see how a relationship with a sardine would be difficult...but you can give them hand hugs! :D

Image

Although, if you look anything like this, Pif, then I might understand a bit more why Ciri wouldn't want a relationship with you:

Image

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:21 am

Dammit, someone else posting my picture, harumph

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Mon Dec 09, 2013 9:55 am

PiF wrote:Dammit, someone else posting my picture, harumph


;)

Yeah, I'm TOTALLY fish sexual, though!

So I'm going to go lay my caviar, and whichever male is up for it can fertilize them.

*clears throat*

Alright, I'm going to try to stop giggling here, and be serious:

I have written down what I feel sexually (if anything much) :

Although I wouldn't consider myself sexual at all (I used to tell my boyfriends in the past that I was not highly sexual in order to avoid sex), there have been times when I've questioned it, due to a possible aroused feeling. Granted, if I have felt it, these times were few and far-between, and very subtle. I don't usually picture myself doing anything sexual with anyone in particular, and I cannot masturbate to anyone in particular, and definitely not to the thought of sex. I am repulsed by porn of both males and females...It just doesn't do anything for me. I am completely focused on my fetish. I have no real desire to go that far with people...especially not males.

I guess you could consider me grey-asexual, but it's really not something I want to engage in, so maybe asexual is the best term to use.

Romantically, I'm probably grey-heteroromantic.

So, yeah. Thoughts, Pilchardface? Or anyone else, for that matter? :P

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Mon Dec 09, 2013 10:58 am

Did you just...proposition Pif? O.o
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Mon Dec 09, 2013 11:49 pm

Ciri wrote:Did you just...proposition Pif? O.o


Haha. I was KIDDING! XD

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:54 pm

Ah k. Pif makes my boner confused.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby StrangeCreature » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:01 pm

Ciri wrote:Ah k. Pif makes my boner confused.


Is your penis inside-out? OH WAIT! IT IS! So is mine! We have so much in common! So what about those XX chromosomes, huh?

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:05 pm

No.

I have a real dick.

Just like pif, just like mic, and just like socrates.

Do tom and jerry hVe them tii

Nancy does not have one, i think. Ask ger hudband.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby KAGU143 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:19 pm

I didn't realize which line I was in until it was too late to change my mind, so I got handed the wrong stuff.
I've managed to adapt to having a mind that would be better suited to being combined with a male body. In the long run I think it's proven to be to my advantage to be able to empathize with what both men and women experience.
It wasn't much fun while growing up, though .... hoooo boy. 'Glad I only had to do that once!
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby PiF » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:53 am

i'm confooosed

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby KAGU143 » Wed Dec 11, 2013 11:36 am

We already knew that. :D
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby flergalwit » Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:27 pm

Ciri wrote:I have a real dick.

Just like pif, just like mic, and just like socrates.

Nope. I don't *have* a dick; I *am* one. PiF doesn't have one either, being FtM obviously. And Socrates was a transbread lesbian.

So it's just you with the honoured possession I'm afraid...

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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby Ciri » Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:52 pm

MY SEXUAL FANTASIES INVOLVING THE THREE OF YOU HAVE BEEN IN SHATTERED

But if you insist, as you have never seen one before.

My tasty dick.
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Re: Sorry for my persistence, but...

Postby KAGU143 » Wed Dec 11, 2013 5:09 pm

Looks like it might have a few spots on it?
You should probably get that checked out by a doctor ... or maybe by a gourmand.
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