Emotionally scarred but identifying as Asexual?

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2270
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Emotionally scarred but identifying as Asexual?

Postby PiF » Mon Feb 09, 2015 10:29 pm

Last few days I've been able to catch up with someone I've worked with for a long time, we don't often get a chance too as the job entailed a lot of travel and being in different places in varying times,

Now I'm semi retired I can take things a bit easier and have a base at the moment so I seem to have become a crash place for some of my old team. The chap visiting and I after a few bottles of Jack decide, as men tend to do, go through the "old days" and life in perspective. Most of those I worked with knew/know I am asexual but also know that made not the slightest difference to me at work or to me as a person.

However, during the ramblings of men with time and alcohol and a little " I remember that music" in the background, we got around to relationships. He had had a not particulary brilliant childhood although he never sought to use this as an excuse for anything the simple fact was that he had not. His family was mostly matriarchal and he admired and hated his mother with the same level of feeling, strong one minute, bitch the next.

When we got onto the subject of relationships he was able to point out where most of his marriages/relationships had failed/succeeded but all along one thing kept popping up.....as each one had failed the more emotionally detached...through choice or unknown choice..he had become from wanting a relationship to a point he simply felt...meh...about relationships

He joked..perhaps I am one of those asexual f*ckwits you say you are...I politely reminded him me being asexual had nothing to do with me being a f*ckwit. But it did make me wonder, do we have within our small group of people identifying as asexual who through lifes experiences of relationships ..that are not?

in that situation, someone who has been through multiple relationships and each one failed leaving some form of emotional trauma to the person, have they subconsciously blocked all thoughts of relationship from their mind to avoid being hurt and as such have confused this with the lack of sexual attraction?

I have no sexual attraction to others...they may have no wish to be involved in a physical relationship so wipe any thing related from their mind...I wonder how many are wrongly identifying as asexual due to such relationship difficulties?