Asexual or Confused?

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
smithh
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Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:26 pm

Asexual or Confused?

Postby smithh » Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:40 pm

I am 18 years of age and I have had sex once. Recently in fact. I didn't like it all. I have never really had an interest in sex or anything sexual. I was always content with romantic things. Like hand holding, cuddling and stuff like that. I have never told anyone about my disinterest in sex because I felt weird about it and I was hoping those feelings would go away. But they didn't. I have thought about having sex before and once I did it, I instantly regretted my decision because of how much I disliked it. Could I be asexual or is this just me being a confused, scared teenage girl? I won't lie, sex does kind of scare me. Even after I had done it. Any advice?

PiF
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Asexual or Confused?

Postby PiF » Wed Jul 15, 2015 12:51 am

Hi and welcome

There is a lot of apprehension about "the first time" in fears, hopes, expectations and how you feel it should be and if to do it at all.

There are some , asexual and sexual who are not to keen or show a preference towards sex, some are simply afraid of it and some are repulsed by it. Does this mean your asexual? not on it's own.

I say that because asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and not a fear of sex...however it is also possible to be an asexual who has issues with sex. The key is to dig around a bit more and in your own mind see what you relate to the most.

You asked "could I be a scared teenage girl?"...absolutely ..but...you could also be an asexual who has worries about sex? that also is possible

One bit of advice I can offer...some are in a huge rush to attach a label and sometimes the label you apply to yourself at 18 may not be the label you apply to yourself say at 24...by all means look at the differences but do not restrict yourself to a label...you are still you, without the need for a label

You sound as though you are quite open to at least investigating and that's always a good start...so for now, again welcome, please do look around and see what catches your eye

smithh
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Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 10:26 pm

Re: Asexual or Confused?

Postby smithh » Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:12 am

Hi, thank you so much for your reply!

I guess you're right about labeling. I am trying to label myself because everyone else seems to know their preferences by the time they graduate.. and I just don't. I have searched so many things on the Internet trying to figure out what exactly I am. If I'm just a weird girl or is not actually weird at all and there is people like me..

Again, thank you for your help. I greatly appreciate it!

PiF
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Posts: 2270
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Asexual or Confused?

Postby PiF » Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:31 am

If certianly you look at the other place...far too many are claiming asexuality because it "feels like them" and it may well do for that momment and that should be respected...however it is unlikely most will be long term asexuals if asexual at all

and that has always been the difficult part of the discovery phase...in a rush to feel you must belong...to something..anything...you run the risk of missing what you actually are

Let me put this in another way....your late teens/early adult phase..roughly about 7-8 years...lets say you live to the uk average of 85 for men and 89 for women...office of national statistics http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/mortality ... -span.html

Now, some people are trying/hoping to set up who they are going to be for 85/89 years by using an 8 year window...not even a tenth of your life.... but they are still trying to state who they are for your entire life ...by 10 percent of it. Madness

There are some of us who I would describe as 100% born this way life long asexuals..despite the nonsense 1% claim... (I feel this group is more likely to be 0.1%)...you then have the other group who feel at some point in time they have had some level of asexuality..this I would suggest is more than 1% but not by much..why is this relevant? far too many are trying to live their life by a label they apply in their teens and so put themselves under far too much pressure to do so

The best advice I can give is..if your in your discovery phase of late teens early adults..then do not hold to a label..but simply describe yourself as...a work in progress