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So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 11:28 am
by CatBunny
I've been having hormone problem for years and my doctors basically never told what I have. I don't have low hormones just too much androgen. Now I got a new doctor telling me I either have PCOS or a congenital androgen disorder. Maybe it's a possible congenital defect that makes me think I'm asexual? I mean from what I read the congenital disorder apparently causes intersex/trans conditions and affects sexual orientation to some people. I mean I've been on female hormone replacers for a whole year and I'm still not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone. I haven't been diagnosed yet but I'm right now confused. Is it worth the worry? I mean if it is true it's implied it's from birth, like being intersex so I dunno. I do have a sex drive and i'm not infertile so it's not like i'm confusing a low libido for this.

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Tue Dec 13, 2016 8:05 pm
by KAGU143
I would say that it's not worth the worry, but then you might feel otherwise. The main thing (to me) would be to make sure that there aren't any potential health issues associated with it, and if there are then to beware of them and take preventative measures if possible.

As for whether or not you're asexual, or what your exact orientation might be? Nobody can say for sure except you.
I know that what I'm going to say will be blasphemy to some, but I believe that in some cases asexuality is NOT a lifelong condition, and/or it can be perfectly valid and real even if it IS caused by some other related condition. All asexuality is is a lack of sexual attraction - there are no time limits mentioned - and scientists who study human sexuality can't even decide what sexual attraction IS, so the entire concept is pretty blurry at best.

The line between love and friendship can be just as hard to define. In my opinion, a long term, committed friendship is closer to being true love than an intense, six month sexual fling, and the factors that attract friends to each other are just as real as sexual attraction or romantic attraction.

If you don't feel any desire to have sex with anybody else, and if the idea of never having sex at all seems perfectly okay with you, then I would say that you're probably asexual, no matter what else might be going on, hormonally or otherwise. If any of that changes in the future, it won't invalidate anything at all. It might let you look at things from a different perspective with hindsight, but that's life most of the time anyway.

If there's a "right" person for you, then maybe they're just taking their own sweet time about showing up . . . ? Based on my own experience, I would say that it can take decades, and it seems to happen about the time that you finally give up and decide to focus on staying happily single and eccentric for life. The cosmos seems to take delight in disrupting such innocent and admirable goals. :lol:

Of course, your mileage may vary. :)

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:30 pm
by CatBunny
KAGU143 wrote:I would say that it's not worth the worry, but then you might feel otherwise. The main thing (to me) would be to make sure that there aren't any potential health issues associated with it, and if there are then to beware of them and take preventative measures if possible.

As for whether or not you're asexual, or what your exact orientation might be? Nobody can say for sure except you.
I know that what I'm going to say will be blasphemy to some, but I believe that in some cases asexuality is NOT a lifelong condition, and/or it can be perfectly valid and real even if it IS caused by some other related condition. All asexuality is is a lack of sexual attraction - there are no time limits mentioned - and scientists who study human sexuality can't even decide what sexual attraction IS, so the entire concept is pretty blurry at best.

The line between love and friendship can be just as hard to define. In my opinion, a long term, committed friendship is closer to being true love than an intense, six month sexual fling, and the factors that attract friends to each other are just as real as sexual attraction or romantic attraction.

If you don't feel any desire to have sex with anybody else, and if the idea of never having sex at all seems perfectly okay with you, then I would say that you're probably asexual, no matter what else might be going on, hormonally or otherwise. If any of that changes in the future, it won't invalidate anything at all. It might let you look at things from a different perspective with hindsight, but that's life most of the time anyway.

If there's a "right" person for you, then maybe they're just taking their own sweet time about showing up . . . ? Based on my own experience, I would say that it can take decades, and it seems to happen about the time that you finally give up and decide to focus on staying happily single and eccentric for life. The cosmos seems to take delight in disrupting such innocent and admirable goals. :lol:

Of course, your mileage may vary. :)


I know the health risks at least with medicine and all that. I realized that with hormone treatment for almost a year and half nothing has changed in terms of sexuality. I mean if I had turned straight by now I would've known haha... I'm guessing I am born with it and chances are whatever hormone problem I have is more of a correlation now looking back at what I read about it. Most people with it are just like that since birth. There are a lot of hormone disorders that affect gender identity and sexuality so who am I to say I really know what's going on?
I think I'm just a type of person who worries too much lol

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:34 pm
by Ettina
To comment on the theme of "asexuality is real even if it's caused by something else", I think my autism is a big part of why I'm asexual. But that doesn't mean that I'm any less asexual. No matter what caused it, I'm still not attracted to anyone.

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2018 9:05 pm
by TypoMaster
I regret to say I don't even know if I'm actually an ace. For the most part, it comes pretty easily without trying. But even without my permission, things have been changing in my head. It's not really sexual (if it really even is), but shit has been getting uncomfortable in my head for a long time. I publicly identify as ace (but kind of of keep it low key) as it fits how I am normally the best (without inventing some batshit identity) and to stop people from hounding me to get into relationships and shagging people. I do know however I'm sex and (romantic/sexual) relationship repulsed as hell. I loathe the idea of me getting into one those awful relationships, and even more doing that disgusting bedroom act.

I know I'm a wreck. I know I can be a slight attention seeker. I know I irrationally cling to the ace identity, even though there's plenty of reasonable support for me to use it. I know I deal with some problems internally in my head. I know some of this drives me crazy (in addition to all the other things I might depressively bother myself with) Etc. But it's something I barely talk about. But it's basically impossible when most of the people you know lean on you to shag and get into a relationship (to various extremities) and any slip up will have them bothering you about it until the end of time. And it's not like therapists or counselors are cheap, easy to see, or entirely trustworthy.

And again I make a fool of myself in yet another place. Not like I haven't done it here before......

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:03 am
by CatBunny
TypoMaster wrote: I do know however I'm sex and (romantic/sexual) relationship repulsed as hell.
Weird thing for me was once I came out as ace being sex/relationship repulsed has dissipated over the years. Like now i'm opening up to seeking a platonic partner because i'm comfortable with my relationships being close affectionate friends and not romance. Same with sex repulsion, in the past I used to blush at dirty jokes and now I'm the one telling them and making people blush haha. Still 0 attraction though, no matter how I try I feel nothing towards men or woman despite everything. In two decades no change has happened but I guess when it does I won't be calling myself 100% ace I guess.

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2018 8:01 pm
by KAGU143
I think that the current trend of subdividing sexual identities into a hundred different micro-identities will ultimately do more harm than good.
I like to use broad, all-encompassing identities, so if someone says they are asexual then that's enough for me. I don't care if they fall into a fringe area or if they are a straight-up poster child for the AVEN definition.
To be honest, I've known (and know) a LOT of asexuals, and the vast majority are a bit unique in some way or other.
It's all good. There's plenty of room for everybody.

Re: So have I been bullshitting my sexuality all these years?

Posted: Sat Mar 10, 2018 12:43 am
by apsaf
I think that the current trend of subdividing sexual identities into a hundred different micro-identities will ultimately do more harm than good.
I like to use broad, all-encompassing identities, so if someone says they are asexual then that's enough for me. I don't care if they fall into a fringe area or if they are a straight-up poster child for the AVEN definition.
To be honest, I've known (and know) a LOT of asexuals, and the vast majority are a bit unique in some way or other.
It's all good. There's plenty of room for everybody.


Absolutely agree with this.

In reply to the original post, my own experience with hormones only confirmed to me my asexuality. I'm a cis-female but I've had issues with high testosterone levels (and progesterone) for about 15 years throughout my teens and twenties. What hormones did is affect my libido physically but it didn't make me feel attracted to other at all. I think that's what helped me distinguish between attraction and libido actually. Whenever I'd stop taking the pills, my testosterone levels would shoot up but it didn't make me want to have sex with others or see others as possible sexual partners.