Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
Ross PK
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Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby Ross PK » Tue May 06, 2008 6:11 am

someone either?

Maybe I should have asked this in the relationship forum, but since I'm asking if anyone doesn't have any desire for one then those people are not really that likely to go on the relationship board anyway.

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luvinmomofone1
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby luvinmomofone1 » Tue May 06, 2008 2:30 pm

i cannot say i dont wanna be with anyone cause i am lonely for companionship, but i am taken aback about the dating scene cause i am not interested in sex, how do i go about telling someone i am interested in that i want everything in the relationship but no sex. sex is distasteful to me and painful too. i have no sex drive but i love to be intimate. i wanna cuddle and snuggle and kiss and touch and hold and caress but i dont wanna have sex and if i am gonna date then i am afraid to say this because the person may reject me. i am unsure how to go about this!
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Dargon
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby Dargon » Tue May 06, 2008 3:34 pm

Short answer, complicated leaning towards "I'd rather die alone."

Long answer: While I have felt what I am rather certain is romantic attraction, romantic love and dating are rather bizarre concepts to me. Even towards all two people I have ever felt romantically attracted to, I have had no desire to "step up the relationship" or anything of that sort; in both cases I have been happy with what we had and wanted nothing more.

Mind you, I have what many would consider to be quite different ideas on love, romance, and sex, which may play into that somehow. However, that does not change the fact that I have no desire for anything other than friendships on the level I have now.

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Fri May 09, 2008 6:06 pm

Wow Dargon you hit the nail on the head, that's a very apt way of describing what I feel too.
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

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ily
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby ily » Mon May 12, 2008 6:02 pm

I don't really understand romance. I've never "been in love" and don't know if I'll ever be. Romantic movies seem like science fiction to me. If one person fixated all their attention on me, I think I'd be scared. Unless it was my child, I think it would be strange. But I do want companionship and love. I'd really like to have a "Boston Marriage" type of relationship, where I could live with someone and support them, but we'd have other things going on besides our relationship (like getting women the vote! Oh wait, they already did that ;) )

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Olivier
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby Olivier » Mon May 12, 2008 7:33 pm

ily wrote:I don't really understand romance. I've never "been in love" and don't know if I'll ever be. Romantic movies seem like science fiction to me. If one person fixated all their attention on me, I think I'd be scared. Unless it was my child, I think it would be strange. But I do want companionship and love. I'd really like to have a "Boston Marriage" type of relationship, where I could live with someone and support them, but we'd have other things going on besides our relationship (like getting women the vote! Oh wait, they already did that ;) )

Beware the romantic movies, Ily.

My marriage is plenty romantic and loving, but we both have PLENTY of things going on besides our relationship (probably too many, actually). There's a vast difference between romance and co-dependence. *waits for someone to argue that point :) *

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ily
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby ily » Mon May 12, 2008 7:40 pm

Olivier wrote:
ily wrote:I don't really understand romance. I've never "been in love" and don't know if I'll ever be. Romantic movies seem like science fiction to me. If one person fixated all their attention on me, I think I'd be scared. Unless it was my child, I think it would be strange. But I do want companionship and love. I'd really like to have a "Boston Marriage" type of relationship, where I could live with someone and support them, but we'd have other things going on besides our relationship (like getting women the vote! Oh wait, they already did that ;) )

Beware the romantic movies, Ily.

My marriage is plenty romantic and loving, but we both have PLENTY of things going on besides our relationship (probably too many, actually). There's a vast difference between romance and co-dependence. *waits for someone to argue that point :) *


Ah yes, I try. They're kind of like a car crash: shouldn't look, can't look away. :roll: It's annoying how narrowly defined "romance" seems to be. I've never experienced anything that I'd call romance (passion, yes), so if I know that scattering rose petals doesn't do it for me, it's difficult to know what else is encompassed by that word "romance".

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Olivier
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby Olivier » Mon May 12, 2008 8:02 pm

ily wrote:... if I know that scattering rose petals doesn't do it for me, it's difficult to know what else is encompassed by that word "romance".

For me, it includes all sorts of thoughtfulness and gratuitous kindness, and to some extent conscious effort to clear a path through the million and one other things going on so that we actually have any time at all to focus on our relationship :)

psycho-kaz
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby psycho-kaz » Sat Jul 05, 2008 1:20 pm

i feel exactly the same, sex means nothing to me, the idea of it just doesn't appeal to me, i would also be looking for companionship


luvinmomofone1 wrote:i cannot say i dont wanna be with anyone cause i am lonely for companionship, but i am taken aback about the dating scene cause i am not interested in sex, how do i go about telling someone i am interested in that i want everything in the relationship but no sex. sex is distasteful to me and painful too. i have no sex drive but i love to be intimate. i wanna cuddle and snuggle and kiss and touch and hold and caress but i dont wanna have sex and if i am gonna date then i am afraid to say this because the person may reject me. i am unsure how to go about this!

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TheGuvnorsMoll
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Re: Is there anyone who doesn't have any desire to be with...

Postby TheGuvnorsMoll » Fri Aug 07, 2015 3:41 am

I have no desire to be with anyone. I am my own company and I prefer it that way.
'The best Government is that which governs least, if at all' - Henry David Thoreau.