I'm A and that's OK!

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
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Vittoria
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I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Vittoria » Sat Jan 19, 2008 6:52 pm

People tend to focus on the negative, "I was made to feel less than because I'm a..." so I wanted to have a thread about the good moments and how being a is a fine and dandy way to be.

I've been out for years and the people who've known me best have always said (upon finding out about my orientation), "That makes perfect sense." We'll have conversations about it but for the most part people have been cool. I think it helps that I have a sense of humour about it and am all right with being asked questions as long as the other person is being respectful.

Much of the time people treat you the way you act--if you act ashamed, they'll treat you like you're shameful--so I find just acting like it's no biggie (because it isn't) is a big help.

So tell us about your totally not traumatic asexual experiences.

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Mr. Paradox
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Mr. Paradox » Sun Jan 20, 2008 2:52 am

Vittoria wrote:Much of the time people treat you the way you act--if you act ashamed, they'll treat you like you're shameful--so I find just acting like it's no biggie (because it isn't) is a big help.

This is so the secret, really. I've always had good experiences following this philosophy. The most enthusiastic ones have actually come from members of my family: my father, who told everyone on his side of the family and passes around all our TV appearances, and my grandmother, who tells everyone on my mom's side and probably any odd stranger she sits next to on a plane. They do more visibility work than I do. It's good that I'm okay with people knowing.

My best reaction was from an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time:
"Are you seriously asexual?"
"You've known me since we were, what, ten? What do you think?"
"Okay, you have a point."
"He cannot, however, long remain asexual when he sees the great peasant girls, as ardent as mares in heat, abandoning themselves to the arms of robust youths."
--Havelock Ellis, Studies in the Psychology of Sex

70thousandfathoms
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby 70thousandfathoms » Sun Jan 20, 2008 8:42 am

My experiences have been somewhat mixed. The response I've gotten from people in my grad program, at least, has been overwhelmingly positive. Unless I'm forgetting something I said while drunk, I don't think I've actually, officially come out of the closet to them. On the other hand, for the last three months I have been standing in the doorway of said closet yelling "Hey look, everybody! Here's what we can do with asexuality in literary studies!" My friends have gotten really excited about the asexual theory paper, and the professor I wrote it for has actually changed the way he teaches certain texts as a result.

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Emmarainbow
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Emmarainbow » Sun Jan 20, 2008 7:10 pm

Heh, it means that when in the right mix of a group of my friends, I can point out one of them and say he's the token straight. This fills me with childish glee. 8)

It also means that I never had an unrequited love at school. I'm thankful for that everyday... and I've seen people get screwed over because of over-fancying/obsessing over someone.

Yeah, I've found that the less a big a deal I find it to be, the nicer people are about it. If you're confident enough, even if people do disagree, they're the ones on shakier ground, and will tend to back down if you're assertive enough... and will usually just accept it. These days, I hardly ever come out to people intentionally, just cos I don't need to! I assume they all know... :roll:
Last edited by Emmarainbow on Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Omnes et Nihil
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Omnes et Nihil » Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:01 pm

Person A to me: Well it was nice to meet you.
Me: You too. Bye. [goes to leave]
Person A to Person B: Hey look at this.
[picks up a pamphlet about asexuality from a shelf, that had nothing to do with me]
Person B: Yeah, we should do a segment on our radio show about asexuality.
Person A: But where on earth are we going to find an asexual?
Me having not yet left the room: Um... hello.
Person A: That was easy.

[curtain closes over characters in gails of laughter, 1980's sit-com style.]

70thousandfathoms
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby 70thousandfathoms » Mon Jan 21, 2008 8:01 am

That is awesome. And even better with the laugh track.

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Vittoria
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Vittoria » Mon Jan 21, 2008 9:53 am

Omnes et Nihil wrote:Person A to me: Well it was nice to meet you.
Me: You too. Bye. [goes to leave]
Person A to Person B: Hey look at this.
[picks up a pamphlet about asexuality from a shelf, that had nothing to do with me]
Person B: Yeah, we should do a segment on our radio show about asexuality.
Person A: But where on earth are we going to find an asexual?
Me having not yet left the room: Um... hello.
Person A: That was easy.

[curtain closes over characters in gails of laughter, 1980's sit-com style.]


That rules. :D

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Emmarainbow
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Emmarainbow » Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:02 pm

Vittoria wrote:
Omnes et Nihil wrote:Person A to me: Well it was nice to meet you.
Me: You too. Bye. [goes to leave]
Person A to Person B: Hey look at this.
[picks up a pamphlet about asexuality from a shelf, that had nothing to do with me]
Person B: Yeah, we should do a segment on our radio show about asexuality.
Person A: But where on earth are we going to find an asexual?
Me having not yet left the room: Um... hello.
Person A: That was easy.

[curtain closes over characters in gails of laughter, 1980's sit-com style.]


That rules. :D

It does indeed! :D

Fosco
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Fosco » Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:10 pm

I'm not sure that I've had any good moments as a result of being 'A'. I normally put that down to the fact that only 2 people know I am 'A'.

On the whole, I think life is complicated enough as it is, without having to worry about sex! So....really my whole life is a good moment. I seem to think that everyone automatically knows that I am 'A' which means that I don't need to tell anyone.

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cijay
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby cijay » Fri Jan 25, 2008 2:32 pm

I've always been comfortable being A...long before I knew there was a name for it or that I was in the company of others. For this I will always be greatful for the internet because it's not like there's a lot of venues for asexuals to hang out in.

I was never made to feel 'less than' because nobody knew I'm asexual. The topic never came up - so this shows how much of a non-issue it is in our family. Sexual orientation isn't a biggie in our family. A lot of people ask how I know I'm not just a repressed lesbian - well, simply because I'm not sexually attracted to women and also...why would I hide it? My family is very pro-queer, I would have no reason to pretend to be something I'm not.

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Mysteria
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Mysteria » Fri Jan 25, 2008 4:02 pm

Hmm... I've been trying to think of any specific incidents wherein my asexuality has been a "perk," but I can't really think of any. It's not that it isn't, in some ways, it's just that I have always just generally accepted it, found it natural, and it doesn't really cause me any distress. I think the best thing about it is that it makes me think differently from other people by default, so I don't just rely on society's definitions of a good relationship--knowing I'm asexual allows me to experience my interpersonal relationships on my own terms, in a way I'm comfortable with. Although it limits me in some ways, in others it opens up a wide array of other possibilities.

andrew_w
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby andrew_w » Mon Feb 11, 2008 11:50 pm

Asexuality has never been a problem for me. I've never really cared much about fitting in or being "normal", and think that the way I am is the best way to be for me. I have always sort of "known" that I was asexual (although I am rather sheltered, and only really realized that most people experience sexual attraction and drive a few years ago).

Omnes et Nihil
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Omnes et Nihil » Wed Feb 13, 2008 10:44 pm

andrew_w wrote:Asexuality has never been a problem for me. I've never really cared much about fitting in or being "normal", and think that the way I am is the best way to be for me. I have always sort of "known" that I was asexual (although I am rather sheltered, and only really realized that most people experience sexual attraction and drive a few years ago).


Classic. It took me a couple decades to clue in that for most people, the whole sexual attraction thing was literal. Ah... those of us who never had a clue.

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Emmarainbow
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Emmarainbow » Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:03 am

Heh, I started waiting for my sexual attraction to turn up when I was 10.

Yeah...

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Mr. Paradox
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Mr. Paradox » Fri Feb 15, 2008 12:52 pm

It took me a while to realise that everyone else wasn't just joking around and enjoying the liberating bawdiness of adolescence, as I was. I guess I thought it was like singing songs about blowing up teachers: good naughty fun, but nobody actually wanted to do it. Then one day, BAM, blowjobs everywhere. What the hell?
"He cannot, however, long remain asexual when he sees the great peasant girls, as ardent as mares in heat, abandoning themselves to the arms of robust youths."
--Havelock Ellis, Studies in the Psychology of Sex

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spin
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby spin » Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:46 pm

hahaha!! That's such a perfect way to describe it.

pretzelboy
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby pretzelboy » Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:06 pm

For me, I'm not sure I realized my lack of sexual attraction until I was about 22 and felt what I think was sexual attraction (I'm inclined to think that I've been sexually attracted to two people in my life, but the most recent of these has been mostly emotional attraction with a small amount of something that I think might be a very small amount of sexual attraction, but I'm not quite sure.) The first time I got a crush on a girl was in 6th grade, so I figured that was the feeling that I was supposed to be starting to get a puberty. Throughout middle and high school (and college too), most of my friends didn't really talk about sex that much, of when they did, it was rarely about how much they wanted to have it. So I ended up feeling weird, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I figured it had something to do with this whole "hotness" thing that I just didn't get at all.

As a child, I remember being a fan of Animaniacs and being totally baffled by the whole "Helloooo nurse" thing for years.

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Mysteria
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Mysteria » Sun Feb 17, 2008 4:16 pm

pretzelboy wrote:As a child, I remember being a fan of Animaniacs and being totally baffled by the whole "Helloooo nurse" thing for years.

Hahaha, wow. That is definitely a blast from the past.

In my case... Hmm. I don't remember ever being baffled by that or anything like it, really, but at the same time I didn't fully realize that other people my age actually experienced sexual desire for quite a while. I mean, I was aware that there were people my age who had sex, and I guess I had no trouble accepting that the boys wanted it (I had always been taught to be wary of boys because all they were after was sex, which was a Very Bad Thing), but I always assumed that the girls were just going along with what their boyfriends wanted in order to keep them around. I didn't really get crushes until high school, and even then it was just like "she's so pretty, I want to stare at her," and nothing more. I still thought I was just a "late bloomer." For the most part I didn't really think about it at all until I was about 16, and then at 17 I discovered that asexuality was a valid orientation and began openly identifying as such.

cyan
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby cyan » Wed Mar 12, 2008 9:29 am

Hmm, sex ed in middle school. They had me convinced at "don't have sex yet"; I just said "okay, sounds kind of gross, I wasn't planning to anyway." All the rest of the discussion of condoms and STDs and pregnancy I sat through with a kind of bemused, "And people want to do this? Seriously?" attitude.

I definitely thought that everyone else felt the same way; it was quite a shock to me when I finally had it pointed out to me that, yes, a significant percentage of everyone else my age not only was interested, but was actively engaging in sexual behaviour. 8|

I still remember one of my friends in high school commenting that she always made a point of avoiding this one particular stairwell, because it was a favorite location of the kids who skipped class so that they could have sex. ... and here I thought she was joking ... :roll:

Even now, I still have a bad habit of falling back into my asexual-centric worldview and getting blindsided by things like that. Someday I'll stop responding to evidence of 90+% of everyone else being sexual and having sexual (among others) motivations with "Hey, wait ... Really? That's so weird! 8|" ... but that day is not today. :P

Those times are generally good for a laugh at myself, though, so it's all good. 8)

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Fox
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Fox » Thu Mar 13, 2008 7:33 pm

My favorite part of being A?

Amoeba jokes.

They never get old. Especially when there are people around that don't know I'm A and are all confused. "What do amoebas have to do with anything?" "You'll understand when you grow up."
"I had an encounter with Death and all I got was this lousy sheep bone."

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Sat Mar 15, 2008 3:56 pm

Mr. Paradox wrote:It took me a while to realise that everyone else wasn't just joking around and enjoying the liberating bawdiness of adolescence, as I was. I guess I thought it was like singing songs about blowing up teachers: good naughty fun, but nobody actually wanted to do it. Then one day, BAM, blowjobs everywhere. What the hell?

8|
Wh,what those lewd pun aren't just jokes *crack* OH MY GOD, my world has been shattered!
This sort of reminds me, about a month ago I was playing video games at midnight and I dunno why, but I began thinking of funny pick-up lines. The old one "if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" popped into my head, never understanding why it was considered funny or rude, but then for what ever reason I suddenly understood it, then I started laughing.

and continued laughing ,

for 2 hours straight
waking up the entire house

I think it might have had a mental breakdown, or possibly a stroke. :think: hmmmm...
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

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Placebo
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Placebo » Sat Mar 15, 2008 5:11 pm

Noskcaj.Llahsram wrote: The old one "if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" popped into my head, never understanding why it was considered funny or rude, but then for what ever reason I suddenly understood it, then I started laughing.


Only the fact that you said that you suddenly understood it allowed me to keep re-reading that line until I figured it out. Ha ha, duh. I am an idiot. ;)
"Now it's right for me to be me."

Phil Halvorsen, from "The [Widget], the [Wadget], and Boff" (Theodore Sturgeon)

Kez
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Re: I'm A and that's OK!

Postby Kez » Sun Mar 23, 2008 3:13 pm

That has got to be one of my favourite pick-up lines. No matter which way you answer, you're pretty much screwed. Figuratively, or literally.