Asexually Attracted

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
ineffably_me
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Asexually Attracted

Postby ineffably_me » Sun May 30, 2010 4:47 am

Forgive the title of this thread.

Does anyone else here ever experience being attracted to someone in an asexual way - because they seem on a similar level as you (non-sexually) - yet being attracted to someone on a non sexual basis ie - because they seem perhaps more asexual than most people - and more on your wavelength perhaps (although may not necessarily know the term or identify with it) - then provokes feelings of being sexually drawn to that person; or at least able to foresee the possibility of sex in that context.

Has anyone else here experienced something like this? Or am I the odd one out here?

SlightlyMetaphysical
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby SlightlyMetaphysical » Sun May 30, 2010 7:41 am

That sounds quite similar to 'demisexuality', which tends to be defined as being either sexually attracted to someone or able to enjoy sex with them after connecting with them. Try google- and AVEN-searching it.

It is also much more logical than it sounds that an asexual could get a lot more out of sex with another asexual than they might be able to with a sexual.

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ily
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ily » Sun May 30, 2010 2:20 pm

I think I understand the kind of thing you're talking about...is it the same thing I'm talking about in the last paragraph of this post?

If so, I don't think that's the same as demisexuality. I think it's one reason I've always liked guys who were indifferent to me. I guess that could sound sad or messed up, but since most romantic interest is also sexual interest, I would feel uncomfortable and put-upon if someone I didn't know well expressed sexual interest in me. Maybe with these indifferent guys, I could still dream that they might not be interested in sex with me, had we gotten to know each other better. Who knows? :/

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Mon May 31, 2010 9:25 pm

ily wrote:I think it's one reason I've always liked guys who were indifferent to me. I guess that could sound sad or messed up, but since most romantic interest is also sexual interest, I would feel uncomfortable and put-upon if someone I didn't know well expressed sexual interest in me. Maybe with these indifferent guys, I could still dream that they might not be interested in sex with me, had we gotten to know each other better. Who knows? :/

oh that's not sad at all, today(31/05/10) I was subjected to a fictional character perfectly summarizing every crush I've ever had http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1676 ya'know except for the pants part, [N.B. only the level on contact is what I disagree with, to a less extent Marigold Is describing me personally]
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

ineffably_me
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ineffably_me » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:38 pm

ily wrote:I think I understand the kind of thing you're talking about...is it the same thing I'm talking about in the last paragraph of this post?




Thankyou Ily.

"Not to freak you out or anything". (Tis always a fear on a site such as this - but no-one should be scared.)

Yes it is.

I strongly suggest anyone who doesn't quite grasp what this thread is about should read this post.

It is about that connection that you can feel, that spark - with someone who is like you - that you somehow connect to - And all things can suddenly seem possible with a connection such as this.

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ily
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ily » Thu Jun 03, 2010 2:46 pm

I'm glad other people feel the same way. :)

Noskcaj, I'm sorry, but which character were you supposed to be? I read the comic like three times and I couldn't figure it out! :roll:

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:03 pm

Marigold, the girl. I just love QC it's really quiet addicting. The dude is Angus.
It's lovely little nerd/comedy soap opera.
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

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ily
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ily » Sat Jun 05, 2010 4:37 pm

I was told once by a friend that I should date "whoever is nicest" to me (since I don't have sexual attraction to help me figure it out). ;)

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:14 am

yeah I came to that conclusion. Now I just have to find out how to separate people who are nice to everyone those being nice to ME!
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

ineffably_me
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ineffably_me » Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:29 am

Hello All again,
I just wanted to fill you in some more on why I was so curious about wanting to start this post. I have actually experienced being attracted to someone in this way before (I can assure you it's not something that happens all the time - ohhhh no). It struck me as particularly poignant as something that someone on Aven had said about when you find that person 'they are just the most awesome person you could ever meet' - which was exactly how I felt about this guy.

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KAGU143
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby KAGU143 » Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:24 pm

I have experienced attractions like that a few times in my life but the relationships based on them (if allowed to develop) always ended very badly - so much so that it ended up making me very leery of ANY kind of attraction (not immune to them, just very distrustful.)
They also taught me a lot about myself, though, and in that regard they eventually proved to be very valuable. They taught me what it was that I wanted in a potential partner and, once I was able to separate that out from the hormone-induced silliness of the attraction itself, that knowledge allowed me to make wiser choices in future relationships. It also allowed me to lecture myself ...

("Self. You has some 'splainin' to do!")
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

ineffably_me
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Re: Asexually Attracted

Postby ineffably_me » Wed Jun 09, 2010 1:31 pm

When I first saw the guy i'm talking about - he was talking to another girl, which gave me some chance to assess him without him knowing I was there. As soon as I saw him, I was instantly drawn to him, from the way he was - I just thought he was The most amazing person - the guy i'd been looking for. It's like - you're surrounded by madness - and suddenly the world stands still; and everything becomes clear. Obviously at the time I was convinced his 'lack of SEXUAL attraction' made him like me - asexual (or something close to that) although I knew he might not be aware of the term. I now know that there may have been other reasons for his apparent lack of sexual desire towards both the girl he was speaking to - despite seeming so intent on paying her attention (that I suppose stood out so much to me from considering my own 'asexiness' at the time) although I was unaware of this at the time I met him.
Despite this - the guy did speak to me (which was quite a sudden surprise - as I really had not imagined he would - my only reason for being stood there being my inability to pull myself away - which in itself indicated how drawn to him I was as my standard reaction at this point would be the 'rational' side of my brain chipping in to say that I should disapear before being noticed to avoid any unnecesary male/female interaction). Upon noticing me; he also paid me a warm (and again unexpected) complement, which had it not been for it's strong sexual connotations; would by most members of the population have been recieved as warmly as it had been issued. Due to my reasons for being initially attracted to this guy - I did feel very 'put upon' and reacted negatively to him having chosen to display interest in me in this way, and sharply left. I had in the short period of time given me to assess him, been able to contemplate feeling right enough about him to consider sex with him in the context of some form of companionship (I refrain from saying 'relationship' as most peoples idea of a relationship deflects from how I felt about this guy -which was very strong and kind of immeasurable - for want of a better word.) The guy i'm sure would have been more or less baffled, and come to many of his own conclusions i'm sure ; as to why I had reacted the way I had. I know it may sound just messed up, like I had a relationship/sex phobia, or both. I assure you this is not the case.