Recently discovering who I am

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
relentless
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Recently discovering who I am

Postby relentless » Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:04 pm

I am so glad to have found a site like this. Until recently, I felt like I was weird. After learning more about asexuality, I realize I am not alone. Although, I have been asexual my whole life, I have recently learned that there is actually a name for it. I have dated men in the past, but never really cared to have sex. As I get older, I really don't even want anyone in my life. I enjoy my life too much to give up the single life. I also enjoy not having to feel pressured into having sex just because I'm in a relationship. I don't believe in marriage. I think it is very old fashion and would never even consider it. I still wonder why it is so popular. I have a very good "guy friend" who knows that I do not like sex and that I don't care about meeting anyone. He calls me all kinds of names all the time. He swears I'm gay and weird. Although, I don't understand why he feels it necessary to call me gay just because I don't want sex. It doesn't make sense. I don't want sex with anyone. Man or woman. So I really don't understand his whole philosphy with the gay thing. I'm so sick of hearing about it, I just go along with it now. It is such a relief to find others who seem to be just like me.

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KAGU143
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Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby KAGU143 » Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:36 am

Hi Relentless, and welcome to Apositive!

You sound perfectly normal to me - :P - but then I've been accused of the same things that you mentioned.
I'm old enough now to where nobody cares, plus I am married to another asexual, but I know what you mean. It was really bad when I was in my 20s ...

In the great sea of humanity, many individuals are too dense to float to the top. 'Sounds like you've met quite a few of those.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

apsaf
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Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby apsaf » Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:42 am

I totally relate to your experience but like KAGU143, I finally crossed the "pressure age." People are either convinced that this IS who I am or think it's too late to save me now :)

My life has totally changed since discovering that asexuality exists and now I'm really experiencing the life I've always dreamed of and it feels great.

relentless
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Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby relentless » Sun Feb 12, 2012 6:12 pm

I think it is wonderful that you married someone who is also asexual. I would love to find someone like that. It would made for a perfect relationship. I know with my past two long term relationships, our biggest problems was me not wanting to have sex. Meeting someone just like me would be perfect. You are lucky. I"m sure there are not a lot of asexual men out there. And if there are, I'm sure I would never meet one in my day to day life.

Thanks for all the support.

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KAGU143
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Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby KAGU143 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:28 am

It is true that asexual men are rare, and many of the ones that you may meet are not ideally suited for marriage - for a wide variety of reasons. (To be fair, the same can be said for people of all sexualities.) It took me over 50 years to find my current husband. At present I think it was worth the wait, but that opinion is helped by having 20/20 hindsight.
I felt very different while I was living through what felt like an eternity of hopelessness. At age 45 I had lowered my standards to such an extent that I "settled" for marriage to a man who was not suitable at all, and I endured that one for 7 years. (Long story ...)

It taught me a lot, though, and I learned that no relationship is ever wasted, even the ones that don't work out. People are such strange, complex creatures that it takes a lot of effort and self-sacrifice to successfully share your life with them. If it weren't for the lonliness and the near-certainty of eventually dying alone and in abject poverty, I think it would have been much easier, emotionally speaking, to stay single.

Not everyone will feel that way, of course, but I have always been an independent-minded old bird - LOL!
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Fri Mar 09, 2012 7:49 pm

Sorry I'm late to the party, bu t I just wanted to welcome you too.
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

ASIC

Re: Recently discovering who I am

Postby ASIC » Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:24 pm

Intersting to see an asexual stating that "I don't believe in marriage" and "I think it is very oldfashioned" - when I've seen such language I've hitherto interpreted it as a manifesto for those who don't want their sexual activities limited by such restrictions!

(The reason why it's so popular is that most people like having a constant companion and ally - perhaps what is being 'old-fashioned' is the concept that this should be limited to only one, and of the opposite sex?)