I'm what...?

For discussion of issues pertaining to sexuality. Warning: Topics within this forum may contain frank discussion of a sexual nature.
Pipes1
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Joined: 06 Jun 2016, 13:19

I'm what...?

Postby Pipes1 » 06 Jun 2016, 13:25

Hi I'm new here and I was hoping you could help me.

I have no idea what my sexuality is.

I know I'm defiantly attracted to guys and I thought I was straight but then I heard that straight girls don't like kissing other girls and my bi freind (Who's a girl) kissed me and I didn't not like it? I was just okay with it, I didn't feel anything but I didn't dislike it either, it was just...okay?

When a guy confessed he liked me got embarrised and blushed and had all kind of nerves, so I assumed from that reaction I was straight but then I realised that he at some point would want to have sex with me and I just didn't want to do it at all with him, though the thought of kissing was totally fine and I liked and I knew I would like.

And I thought it might be just him but then as I thought to all the guys I have had crushes on over the past years or feelings for despite being attracted to them, some more deeply than others I never wanted to have sex with any of them despite my mind can be a little dirty sometimes but I've never wanted to do it physically at all and now I'm just confused for my feelings.

Can anyone me identifying what sexuality I am?

Also I'm in my early twenties, so I would have thought I'd worked it out by now but I haven't.

PiF
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Joined: 14 Nov 2011, 22:47

Re: I'm what...?

Postby PiF » 07 Jun 2016, 01:17

Pipes1 wrote:Hi I'm new here and I was hoping you could help me.

I have no idea what my sexuality is.I know I'm defiantly attracted to guys


Could you qualify if you are male or female?, I'm going to reply as though you are female...also when you say you are attracted to guys , attraction basically follows two lines, sexual and non sexual

If your sexually attracted to the opposite or same sex then that is not what asexuality is.

For example, I am a straight asexual male so that means I have no sexual attraction to others but I would be emotionally, mentally etc etc be attracted to the opposite sex

Pipes1 wrote:and I thought I was straight but then I heard that straight girls don't like kissing other girls and my bi freind (Who's a girl) kissed me and I didn't not like it? I was just okay with it, I didn't feel anything but I didn't dislike it either, it was just...okay?

When a guy confessed he liked me got embarrised and blushed and had all kind of nerves, so I assumed from that reaction I was straight but then I realised that he at some point would want to have sex with me and I just didn't want to do it at all with him, though the thought of kissing was totally fine and I liked and I knew I would like.


Generally, females find it less of a problem kissing the same sex than males do, doesn't always mean they are lesbian

The boy blushing is simply the boy blushing, no need to over think that but the NOT having sex with him could be a variety of reasons, asexuality is NOT not having sex

Pipes1 wrote:And I thought it might be just him but then as I thought to all the guys I have had crushes on over the past years or feelings for despite being attracted to them, some more deeply than others I never wanted to have sex with any of them despite my mind can be a little dirty sometimes but I've never wanted to do it physically at all and now I'm just confused for my feelings.

Can anyone me identifying what sexuality I am?

Also I'm in my early twenties, so I would have thought I'd worked it out by now but I haven't.


You do not mention if you have had sex with girls?...I ask as I'm trying to find out if it is just having sex with males you have an issue with or having sex full stop

Don't worry about your age and figuring it out..that is normal as most looking at the asexual arena are the same as most looking at sexual identification forums, they tend to be teens going into early adult

If I can offer an opinion, I am a straight asexual male...that label has no input, negative or positive in my day to day real life...you might as well say, I hate broccoli (I do) but I do not think about broccoli every minute of every day in real life, I rarely think of it at all in real life.

If all you think you are is a label..then that is all you will ever be..if however you see it for what it is..an important part but it is only a very very small part, then perspective is a wonderful thing to help you work things out

You are you, if you live to an average age then you will live to around 87, why are you in a rush to brand and label yours self in your 20's when you still have three quarters of your life still to go ?

Imagine, your life is a book, don't try and judge the whole book by the first few chapters

I hope that helps and welcome by the way.

Pipes1
New Member
Posts: 2
Joined: 06 Jun 2016, 13:19

Re: I'm what...?

Postby Pipes1 » 07 Jun 2016, 02:32

Hi, sorry I'm female x

It feels a little complicated.

Because when a guy I knew asked me out and I did turn him away but I knew I would have liked him romantically, I would like the kiss and I like hugging and those sorts of contact but the thought of the fact he'd would probably want sex with me at some point completely turned me of and something I did not want.

This was a couple of years ago and then I realised that any other guy that I've had a crush on I've only ever wanted to kiss them and touching like hugging, never sex. And I didn't want it either.

Though I was perfectly happy thinking about sex with other guys I never actually thought of having the desire to do it myself, other than just thinking about it. I have also thought about sex with other girls but unlike guys I've never had crushes on any girls I've met.

When my Bi friend kissed me in a club (She was drunk, as was I but I was sober enough to know what was going on) I responded and I didn't feel anything. I thought that as I believed myself straight at the time I thought I'd be turned of but it was okay, that's it. I didn't not like it but I didn't dislike it either? She was also tecknically my first kiss. A guy she was dancing with offered to kiss me but I got all nervous and flustered and turned it down.

But then despite this I've never actually wanted sex with anyone. Though I have thought about it and I liked thinking about other people doing it or just sex in general? But I've never actaully had the desire to do it myself? So yeah I'm kinda confused.

PiF
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Posts: 2269
Joined: 14 Nov 2011, 22:47

Re: I'm what...?

Postby PiF » 07 Jun 2016, 02:56

No need to be sorry :D

I think whilst your looking into asexuality, It might also be worth looking into sexually repulsed and sexual apathy, between those you might get a bit more information that might help. May I also suggest possibly Aromantic might be something to look into ?

Ultimately your looking for a label and they tend to be quite restrictive.

Your not a freak...When we had a census in 2014, the majority of those who felt a leaning towards asexuality tended to be, white, female with a pink twist, either in college or uni so were between say 16-26

Never judge yourself or look for confirmation from people on the internet

you are you, life's experiences will throw you a bone from time to time as a clue but generally, see what works for you

I'm sure some others will contribute soon, Good luck on your search


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