Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

For discussion of issues pertaining to sexuality. Warning: Topics within this forum may contain frank discussion of a sexual nature.
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Belle
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Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

Postby Belle » Sun May 15, 2011 7:47 am

I've put this under 'sexuality' because of the hypersexual element. One of the reasons I believe it took me so long to discover I was Grey-A was that one, I never really thought about it (no surprises there for me!) and two, important here, is that I grew up in a family that was hypersexual or oversexed, and I thought I was just rebelling. Later I'll share some stories, and you'll see what I mean...

But since I've now spent half my life living away from my parents, when the 'discovery' finally did come, I was more willing to explore Grey-Asexuality. I personally believe at the moment, that it can't be an act of rebellion because being ace isn't a choice, it's your sexual orientation, but I do ask that you forgive me if I haven't taken everything into consideration... I haven't really thought overly deeply about it.

Does anyone know of anyone who lived as an asexual, or claimed asexuality out of rebellion?

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Belle
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Re: Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

Postby Belle » Sun May 15, 2011 8:13 am

Story one:

My mum is driving (she passed away in 2009 and I'm okay with talking about her) I'm sitting next to her in the front, and my sister and her then fiancée are sitting in the back. All is normal-ish, until I see that mum has started driving with a copy of 'The Joy of Sex' in her hand. 'Hmm... um okay...' I think to myself, a little unsafe and unusual but that's mum, always thinking about sex.

Next thing I know (and yes she's still driving), 'The Joy of Sex' is waving a few millimetres (almost touching my nose) in front of my face. (We had three copies in the house) The cover of the book waves a few times in front of me and then gets passed into the back seat to my bemused sister and almost brother-in-law. Sooo many questions... Why didn't she wait until we had got to where we were going? What about being subtle? Just... Why?

I think Story two will help answer that...

Story Two: Mum shows me a photo one day. I think many mums do this often, but this was really unusual for mine. The photo was a picture of a girl I knew when I was five but who had now grown up into a woman in her mid 20's. The picture was of her and a man I found out was her long time boyfriend. As she showed me the photo, mum said to me "(Name) has been in a sexual relationship with this man since she was in year 11" (Second last year of Australian schooling before college / university.)

And then the kicker... "What's wrong with you, why aren't you in a relationship?" Now let me tell you about this photo. The overriding feature of these two people that were being held up as models to aspire to, were let's face it: incredibly bored... They even stood half a metre apart, so that they were on either side of the photo. These two people were bored with each other and it seemed, bored with the world. They were in ill-fitting around the house tracksuits... Did I mention they looked bored... I said to her, "Why would I want that? I'm closer to my friends than that!"

Well since I'm here, you probably guess it wasn't rebellion, it was me! :) I just wanted to give you a small glimpse into the hypersexual world I lived in... I'm glad I'm here, and that I'm just recognising my actual sexuality...

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Dargon
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Re: Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

Postby Dargon » Sun May 15, 2011 6:52 pm

While my parents weren't as pressing with the sex issue, my mother is very much a "happiness is a spouse, and house, and 2.5 children" kind of person, and cannot imagine how anyone could be happy without that. The "why aren't you this way, what the hell is wrong with you" thing wasn't terribly uncommon from her.

That being said, I am pretty certain my sexuality has nothing to do with how I was raised. Nor my other thoughts on happiness (most of which differ greatly from my mother). It was just that when I looked closely into these things, thought about them good and hard, I came to different conclusions.

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Belle
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Re: Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

Postby Belle » Mon May 16, 2011 6:05 pm

Hey thanks Dargon... That's what I was thinking too! (Thanks I've never heard anyone close to my position on that before... It clicks.)

I've been thinking back through these little 'vignettes' / stories of my past, seeing the applicable ones through asexual glasses instead of rebellion ones, and frankly my responses back then make a lot more sense now. That also says to me that this is not a 'seasonal' thing for me, that I've always been this way, even if I haven't recognised it until now.

I've also recognised that what makes me happiest (in terms of intimacy) and if I can borrow a term "be completely asexually-promiscuous about" is what I used to do - I used to work as a radio interviewer... Point being, I'm no longer hung up on figuring myself out - I'll just go back to what I love the most...

First stop, lunch with my old radio program producer! Woohoo! :)

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wyrdchick
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Re: Asexuality as a form of rebellion against hypersexuality...

Postby wyrdchick » Mon May 30, 2011 9:39 pm

I was raised in a Wiccan poly-amorous household. My mom and step-dad both have had other lovers and are still very committed to each other. She's always been very open about sex and tried to encouraged me to open about things. It was weird going between that extreme open sexuality and my dad's more mainstream conservative views.

She never said anything was wrong with me because I didn't date or want to date but she'd worry about me, that I was repressed or something. She did sometimes buy me provocative clothes and point of cute people of either gender to me. She'd also point out when I was being flirted with because I have never been ever to spot that. She'd point things out to but never pushed. I should add to that no one's ever pushed me really because I've never liked being touched and use to react extremely violently to it.

I've had more trouble with friends trying to talk me into, well, into other people. But again, violent reactions to touch mellowed that some.

I feel I should mention here I'm not actually a violent person, at least not anymore. I grew out of that, though I still don't like being touched.

I'm glad your happy Belle, and one thing I have found is some people's openess about somethings does tend to make openess about other things easier, or I'm just really lucky with my mom.