Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

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sidneyia
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Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby sidneyia » 22 Apr 2012, 13:28

I have a very strong aversion to sex. In theory it shouldn't be a problem because, being married to another asexual, I'm not ever expected to have sex. But I'm horrified by the idea of it, I have intrusive thoughts about it, and I'm extremely uncomfortable with sex on TV or in movies or whatever. (Depending on how it's handled... if two people start making out and the camera pans to a fire in the fireplace, for instance, that doesn't bother me.) I'm pretty desensitized to other stuff, but I've never been able to desensitize myself to sex. I consider it a disability.

Anyone else?

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KAGU143
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 23 Apr 2012, 12:59

I don't get too bothered by it. I like nature and animals, insects, plants, etc, and it's just more of the same to me.
If it looks like they (the breeders) are going to be busy for a while then I usually take that as my cue to go visit the kitchen or something else that's more productive.
I think it is boring more than anything - I mean, seriously! It's not magical, it's not mentally or spiritually enlightening, it's not some special human thing, and it very often has nothing at all to do with intimacy. In fact, it is frequently used as a substitute for intimacy.

So ... I'm not averse, just disinterested, except for - maybe - when I'm trying to perpetuate my flock of poultry. (I will check once to make sure that the new males know what to do. It's funny how many of them are completely clueless.)
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mindlife
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby mindlife » 24 Apr 2012, 10:48

I can't say that I'm sex-averse, but I share your hypersensitivity in the sense that I can't tolerate sexual content on stage, screen and even sometimes in books. I don't consider myself a prude, I just know that that sort of stimuli opens up thoughts of an intimate side of myself, a whole set of feelings I can't deal with. And even though I'm in middle-age, this hypersensitivity has never gone away.
I don't consider this a disability; it does not embarrass me when the people I'm with understand that I am asexual.
Just understand that it's just you, and forgive yourself. No one is going to question your humanity if you walk away from the tv screen or theater screen for a few minutes.
THE Ocean has its silent caves,
Deep, quiet and alone;
Though there be fury on the waves,
Beneath them there is none. N. Hawthorne

Astrid
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby Astrid » 04 May 2012, 01:32

I have a genuine disinterest in sexual content in movies, photographs, stage performances, etc.
However, I have a genuine aversion to sex when I think about it in regard to my own body; aversion to engaging in sexual activies myself - the thought honestly disgusts me.
Some days ago, a guy I know, told me that he could easily win over me in a "game of dirty sex", and I was basically paralysed (at least mentally) for quite a while.
I sometimes experience the same aversion when people I am close to, talk openly about their sex lives. I tell myself that I shouldn't bother, but sometimes that just doesn't seem possible.

mindlife
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby mindlife » 04 May 2012, 16:04

Some days ago, a guy I know, told me that he could easily win over me in a "game of dirty sex", and I was basically paralysed (at least mentally) for quite a while.


I would respond in a similar way.
THE Ocean has its silent caves,
Deep, quiet and alone;
Though there be fury on the waves,
Beneath them there is none. N. Hawthorne

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KAGU143
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 06 May 2012, 08:39

There isn't much you can say to people who think that way, Astrid, other than (maybe) to suggest to them that you know of another man who feels the same way, and that he would be happy to introduce him to the joys of gay sex. 'Course, that analogy won't work in every case but it can be worth a try.

Going against one's natural sexual orientation is not going to be pleasant, no matter what.
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CierraJo
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby CierraJo » 22 Oct 2012, 16:54

sidneyia wrote:I have a very strong aversion to sex. In theory it shouldn't be a problem because, being married to another asexual, I'm not ever expected to have sex. But I'm horrified by the idea of it, I have intrusive thoughts about it, and I'm extremely uncomfortable with sex on TV or in movies or whatever. (Depending on how it's handled... if two people start making out and the camera pans to a fire in the fireplace, for instance, that doesn't bother me.) I'm pretty desensitized to other stuff, but I've never been able to desensitize myself to sex. I consider it a disability.

Anyone else?


Me too. I am totally repulsed by sex too, even on TV.

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Tanwen
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby Tanwen » 23 Oct 2012, 08:56

I don't like it when a couple start kissing when I'm trying to serve them (I work on a deli counter and yes it happens) - the phrase 'Get a room' springs to mind but I'm not allowed to say it, they're the customers :(
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

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Shaggy
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby Shaggy » 25 Oct 2012, 00:50

Tanwen wrote:I don't like it when a couple start kissing when I'm trying to serve them (I work on a deli counter and yes it happens) - the phrase 'Get a room' springs to mind but I'm not allowed to say it, they're the customers :(


Have ya considered dat ... when yer not bein a Dwagon ..

Ya bringz owt the love and tenderness in others??


Even in Tescos 8|


P'raps Management might prefer the Phrase ... "Would you like some Baloney with that?" :lol:
"Crivens" and "Ook" ... what else need be said?

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Tanwen
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby Tanwen » 25 Oct 2012, 22:48

NOT when I'm slicing salami! :lol:
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

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imonroe
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby imonroe » 29 Oct 2012, 23:47

Because of the raunchy company I sometimes keep, my mind went to some imaginary sitcom scene where a deli worker seductively handled a large salami roll and made a point to aggressively slice the hell out of it whilst the couple looked on. Awkwardness ensues.

Yeah... can never tell what randomness surfaces in my mind...
When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.
―A.A. Milne Winnie-the-Pooh

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Tanwen
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby Tanwen » 02 Nov 2012, 08:59

'I want Hungarian Pick salami - sliced verrrry theeen'

*We try to look busy when that customer comes to the counter...a whole slami...your arm is dropping off half way through the darned thing!!!
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby NanoCircus » 05 Nov 2012, 00:00

I am not repulsed by sex in any way, I just dont want to participate. I have no aversion to admiring the beauty of another or witnessing sex taking place. I will just politely refuse if given the offer to engage in it. For me thing that truly fills me with dread is the thought of being a parent.

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FalconEagle
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby FalconEagle » 14 Nov 2012, 06:33

Not really, I'm pretty much the opposite.

I'm pretty sex-positive, to the point of curiosity (mostly sexual contact, stuff like kissing and hugging I'm totally indifferent to). I've tried ''some things'' and found them enjoyable, despite the complete lack of sexual attraction.

Thing is, a lack of sexual attraction doesn't kill the nerves down there, you can still feel things. :v Meh, I'll get the chance to test it out at some point maybe, but I'm not overly bothered.

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ParaLLL
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby ParaLLL » 14 Nov 2012, 21:15

I'm not really bothered by sex or sexual things at all; at worst, I'll feel awkward when I either can't tell whether something is supposed to be sexual or not, or when I don't know how to respond (there is basically no one who takes "no offense but I'm not interested" without offense), but sex itself doesn't bother me. I do have friends that, while not particularly sexual, do have very dirty minds and enjoy the resulting jokes, so that may be part of it, but I don't remember ever being really bothered.

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby CatBunny » 11 Jul 2015, 10:06

I think i'm in some kinda sex repulsed purgatory.
I have three levels of things I feel:
1) I can tolerate or like some things like dirty jokes or other stuff
2) I find some sex stuff extremely stupid and boring or see no point in it.
3) I find certain things extremely nasty gross or disturbing.
I barely feel much of number 1, mostly I just gravitate to 2 and 3. Slapping the meat patties around is basically all I see it as sometimes. Sometimes I don't. And sometimes I just don't give a damn. I have become rather fickle and kinda stopped tolerating the extreme amounts of sex in media. I also cannot for the life of me like people in public who look like they're gonna have sex. Crawling all over someone and slurping their faces and gyrating is meant for the bedroom...
Image

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 12 Jul 2015, 01:09

I noted 24 hours in my life and very little had a sexual input either from tv,radio, media or real life, but then I didn't go looking for it either.

Did some shopping, no one was shagging in the meat isle, put petrol in the car and did not relate the petrol hose going into the tank hole, got stuck in traffic, saw some right c***s there, but for most of my days sex has very little impact or visibility.

I have always said that the 1% I feel is tosh and the actual amount of real life long 100% asexuals is probably closer to 0.1%...working even on the silly claimed 1% then you have to acknowledge that for 99% then sex is an everyday thing albeit in different quantities and levels. On that basis we are going to see something sometimes

that said, as asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and nothing more..then I suspect the sexual aversion/repulsion has little to do with asexuality at all but simply people who maybe sexual or asexual ... are sexually repulsed/aversive

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KAGU143
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 12 Jul 2015, 07:01

I have to disagree with the theory that being sexually repulsed has nothing to do with being asexual. I think it's likely that there is a very strong correlation in many cases, and this is why:

An asexual begins life with no particular feelings about sex one way or the other, just like a sexual. They may have discovered that some parts of their bodies produce pleasant sensations when rubbed or manipulated, or they may not have discovered this, but in their earliest years they don't think about coupling with other people to produce and share those sensations.

Later, but still in childhood, both sexuals and asexuals will find out that such behavior is not only possible, but generally considered to be a positive experience, provided that all of the numerous rules and restrictions can be figured out and safely navigated.
Sexuals will think that the hassle is sure to be worth it, and they will be very interested in finding out what the experience is like. Some will want to find out as soon as possible, others will prefer to wait until conditions are optimal, but generally speaking they will be looking forward to it because they find that the idea of having sex with certain individual people (or certain types of people) is very appealing to them. They are sexually attracted to some people.

Asexuals will probably be curious about sex too, and may very well be interested in trying it just to see what it's all about, but they will quickly notice that their level of interest isn't the same as that of their their sexual peers, and their peers will pick up on this as well. Unfortunately, this early interest in sex usually takes place when both groups are in their teens, or close to being in their teens, and this is also when humans are at one of the most vicious and intolerant stages of their entire lives. Peer pressure is a powerful force, and any pre-teens or teens who are the slightest bit out of the ordinary will be singled out for punishment. Any perceived weakness or difference will be used as a weapon, whether it's excess weight, a bad complexion, poverty, lack of social graces, non-typical sexuality, or any other difference.

This is where the problem starts, and where the seeds that can lead to sexual aversion can be planted.

I'm going to switch to an analogy at this point.
Suppose that someone doesn't particularly like corn chips. It begins innocently enough, perhaps with the smell of them or the noise that they make when being eaten being mildly unpleasant. It's not an aversion to or a hatred for corn chips at this point. It's just a lack of desire to eat them.
It should be no big deal, but if 99% of your closest friends think that corn chips are the best things in the entire world and that you MUST eat them - and LIKE them - to be accepted as "one of us", then it can become a serious problem. If your friends are shoving corn chips in your face every time they see you, talking about corn chips nonstop, and mocking you for not liking them, then what began as a mere lack of interest can gradually morph into complete disgust and revulsion at the very sight of a corn chip.

Asexuality doesn't directly CAUSE sexual aversion but it can create the perfect environment for it to be caused by outside forces, thereby leading to a very strong correlation. Most people aren't consciously aware of sexual repulsion developing since it's usually a gradual process, but it is very real nonetheless.
What's interesting is that quite a few sexually repulsed asexuals will become more neutral toward sex once they mature enough to become more comfortable in their own skin and to realize why they became so negative toward it in the first place.
It doesn't always happen, but I have seen it in many, many instances. I've certainly seen it enough that I will NEVER say that a sexually repulsed person isn't really a "true" asexual. It totally depends on which came first, their asexuality or their sexual repulsion, and since both situations can become apparent at around the same time it's quite possible that the person themself doesn't even know which came first.

This is why I don't automatically say that sexual repulsion has nothing to do with being asexual.
Very often it DOES.
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 12 Jul 2015, 07:09

You may have some asexuals who claim sexual repulsion but you also have sexuals too ....so, unless sexual repulsion is limited to asexuals and only asexuals ,then I still feel it has nothing to do with asexuality but more to do with the individual

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 12 Jul 2015, 07:36

You really don't understand the way that statistics work, do you. .... *sigh*

Just out of curiosity, do you believe that vaccines can prevent some diseases?
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 12 Jul 2015, 07:53

KAGU143 wrote:You really don't understand the way that statistics work, do you. .... *sigh*


I do, I also understand that if your quoting an imaginary statistic in regards to corn chips, then it kinda kills the statistics...unless the discussion is about corn chips that is

KAGU143 wrote:Just out of curiosity, do you believe that vaccines can prevent some diseases?


For most but not all. I also feel however vaccines often, certianly in the states, are more for the financial benefit of the medical/drug profession than most of the patients.

It is course no relation to the topic as until ONLY asexuals feel sexual repulsion then it cannot be claimed to be "an asexual thing" but CAN be said as some asexual individuals may feel this way in the same way some individual sexuals can feel sexually repulsed too... and there is no reason to put glitter on that :mrgreen:

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 12 Jul 2015, 08:29

No, PiF, the key word is correlation.
If sexual aversion is statistically more common in asexuals than it is in sexuals then there is a statistical correlation.

So, if you have a group of 100 sexuals, how many of them do you think will be sexually repulsed?
And, if you have a group of 100 asexuals, how many of THEM do you think will be sexually repulsed?

Are you saying that the numbers of sexually repulsed individuals will be equal in both groups?

Or, are you going to decide that sexually repulsed asexuals don't fit your definition, so they don't count?

What I'm trying to figure out is how you can be so incapable of seeing what's right in front of your face. It completely baffles me.
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 12 Jul 2015, 09:20

KAGU143 wrote:What I'm trying to figure out is how you can be so incapable of seeing what's right in front of your face. It completely baffles me.


I see what's infront of me perfectly fine Nancy, in fact I would probably be the person to see the obvious...that doesn't mean I have to agree with it if the obvious is incorrect...so many in the sexual identity field cannot take a sock for a sock so instead try and sprinkle glitter on it...just to make it more special than it is but it still remains.....a sock

KAGU143 wrote: No, PiF, the key word is correlation.If sexual aversion is statistically more common in asexuals than it is in sexuals then there is a statistical correlation.

So, if you have a group of 100 sexuals, how many of them do you think will be sexually repulsed?
And, if you have a group of 100 asexuals, how many of THEM do you think will be sexually repulsed?


willing to look at those statistics, do you have them to hand?

KAGU143 wrote: Are you saying that the numbers of sexually repulsed individuals will be equal in both groups?Or, are you going to decide that sexually repulsed asexuals don't fit your definition, so they don't count?


I know I never said equal but simply pointed out that sexual repulsion is not exclusive to asexuals but is also experienced by sexuals ergo it cannot be a asexual only issue and until only asexuals feel sexual repulsion ..claiming it as a asexual only thing would be wrong

I again never said or intimated that repulsed asexuals do not fit any asexual definition at all....could you show me where i have actually said that rather than inferring something that was never said?...I did say ...it cannot be claimed to be "an asexual thing" but CAN be said as some asexual individuals may feel this way in the same way some individual sexuals can feel sexually repulsed too.

I also understand correlation and using your standards then correlation would insist all those claiming to be asexual would have to be females between 17-24, be a snowflake, live at home feeding off their parents whilst they pay for their college or uni, have a blog, pretend to be a feminist and claim to hate kids whilst still being one..so yes i do understand correllation...which of the previous correlations would you like to apply to "mostly asexuals"? :D

Simply put as I will again do...Most asexuals partners are sexual..most of those will take part in sex of some kind...being asexual does not mean you are more likely to be sexually repulsed as asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and NOT being sexually repulsed...some asexuals will be personally sex repulsed as some sexuals will be personally sex repulsed.

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 12 Jul 2015, 12:28

Just one thing for now:
A correlation is not, by definition, an exact 100% agreement.

Correlation:
noun
a mutual relationship or connection between two or more things.
"research showed a clear correlation between recession and levels of property crime"
synonyms: connection, association, link, tie-in, tie-up, relation, relationship, interrelationship, interdependence, interaction, interconnection; More
STATISTICS
interdependence of variable quantities.
STATISTICS
a quantity measuring the extent of interdependence of variable quantities.


I never, at any point, said that sexual repulsion is an asexual-only thing. I never even implied it.
I DO believe, however, based on my own first-hand knowledge, that it is a lot more common, statistically speaking, among asexuals than it is among sexuals.
I tried to explain what I think is one possible cause for this in my long post.

Now, as to whether or not sexually repulsed sexuals might outnumber sexually repulsed asexuals in a strictly numerical sense, I couldn't begin to say, but I strongly suspect that there would be a lot more sexually repulsed sexuals.
After all, sexuals already outnumber asexuals by 99 to 1 or possibly even more, so, as an example, if only 1% of sexuals are sexually repulsed then 100% of asexuals would have to be sexually repulsed to make them numerically equal.
However, if only 1% of sexuals are sexually repulsed and 33% of asexuals are sexually repulsed then there is, in fact, a correlation between asexuality and being sexually repulsed even though sexually repulsed sexuals would still outnumber sexually repulsed asexuals by about 3 to 1.

That's about all of the math that I want to deal with right now. (I have to get back to trying to hang rafters and that job is really taking it out of me.)

If my percentages are hopelessly off, Michael should be able to spot it in an instant.
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby flergalwit » 12 Jul 2015, 13:22

Not hopelessly off but ...

KAGU143 wrote:After all, sexuals already outnumber asexuals by 99 to 1 or possibly even more, so, as an example, if only 1% of sexuals are sexually repulsed then 100% of asexuals would have to be sexually repulsed to make them numerically equal.

That should be 99% of asexuals not 100%, if we make an assumption that exactly 1% of the population is asexual.

Of course the limitations of the 1% figure are well known and the difference between 99% and 100% in the above is well within the error bounds of the uncertainty in that figure.

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 12 Jul 2015, 13:39

I would suggest you go in most forums where the age group is mostly late teens early adults then you will find quite a few saying they are sexually repulsed...anti sexual...sexual apathy...as well as them being anti parent,,,anti government...

as to asexual correllation avens own census shows 75% of those claiming asexuality are female and late teens early adult which based on your methods then me and michael as males and older should not be asexuals?

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby flergalwit » 12 Jul 2015, 13:59

PiF wrote:I would suggest you go in most forums where the age group is mostly late teens early adults then you will find quite a few saying they are sexually repulsed...anti sexual...sexual apathy...

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow....

I think you've been hanging out in the asexual community too long.

And correlations don't say anything definite about individuals (unless it's a 100% correlation). They just show there can be a relationship between things even if there isn't a 100% correspondence.

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby PiF » 13 Jul 2015, 00:05

There you go Michael, here is some porn for you https://www.mathsisfun.com/data/correlation.html

So unless correlation is 100% then it is nothing different than tend to be or might be or could be?

As both of you haven't answered the question i will put it again

I also understand correlation and using your standards then correlation would insist all those claiming to be asexual would have to be females between 17-24, be a snowflake, live at home feeding off their parents whilst they pay for their college or uni, have a blog, pretend to be a feminist and claim to hate kids whilst still being one..so yes i do understand correllation...which of the previous correlations would you like to apply to "mostly asexuals"?

as to the hanging out in the community too long due to my use..I've said before, I do know these labels but as most are just made up shit by labelists all trying to be as different from the next person whilst insisting they be treated equally...then I tend not to use them :P

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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby KAGU143 » 13 Jul 2015, 07:19

In the example that I used, an asexual would be 33 times more likely than a sexual to be sexually repulsed.

I think that's a significant number, and I strongly suspect that I was overly conservative in my estimations.
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Re: Is anyone else completely sex-aversive?

Postby flergalwit » 13 Jul 2015, 08:59

Thanks piffy: I know the definition of correlation and how to calculate it.

PiF wrote:So unless correlation is 100% then it is nothing different than tend to be or might be or could be?

It means the two things coincide more than they would if there was no relation.

PiF wrote:I also understand correlation and using your standards then correlation would insist all those claiming to be asexual would have to be females [...]

There is no "all ... would have to" about it. "All would have to" is a strawman. No-one has said that all asexual people have to be repulsed or all repulsed people have to be asexual.

PiF wrote:as to the hanging out in the community too long due to my use..I've said before, I do know these labels but as most are just made up shit [...]

What are you on about now? The reason I said you'd been hanging around the asexual community too long is nothing to do with labels but rather your somewhat eccentric idea that
you go in most [non-asexual related] forums where the age group is mostly late teens early adults then you will find quite a few saying they are sexually repulsed...anti sexual...sexual apathy


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