No sex, wtf

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Danielle
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No sex, wtf

Postby Danielle » Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:29 am

I'm not so very happy with 'the no sex' thing. In fact it annoys me. Seeing the new Avenues with the no sex stockings, sorry I just can't relate to it. And I'm ace as well. Moreover I ask myself how can we be taken seriously? With magazines and newspaper reporting on more asexuality due to an oversexed society and talking about asexuality as a lack of sexual activity.

When people around us think of asexuality, they indeed think about someone who isn't sexual active. That it can be an orientation and that you are born as asexual is something most people just don't know. Throwing 'no sex' rhetoric in their faces is no real help either. It just enforces the idea of not being sexual active and it only represents - in my humble opinion- a small part of the asexual community.

Ok I'm not sexual active either and I simply don't have the need. I'm just not happy with the 'no sex' rhetoric and the 'I hate sex'. In fact I don't understand why AVEN who is supposed to represent us, just goes along in this sort of rhetoric. At least I don't feel I'm represented by AVEN, but I suppose I'm just a loner.

Sorry if I insulted anyone! I'm just very annoyed at the moment
Always be who you are, and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.

SlightlyMetaphysical
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby SlightlyMetaphysical » Sun Jan 30, 2011 6:17 am

I completely agree.
Firstly, there are a lot of asexuals who want or wouldn't mind sex to varying degrees, by varying definitions. If I was more confident in my asexuality right now, I'd be able to count myself as one and be self-righteously indignant. Because these messages tell me quite firmly that I'm not wanted within the community.
Secondly, the rhetoric around asexuality has an ugly tendency to devolve into 'celebate, but not by choice', and I don't think we should be spreading that misinformation, because the sexuality model is so much richer, so much more radical, so much easier to fit into people's heads as an extention of the LGBT model, which gives us all the kinds of respects and rights that we really need, without making us seem like a bizarre oddity.

Having said that, 'I don't like sex' as an individual statement is something I see as extremely positive, and obviously a lot of asexuals are going to be leading the way in owning that identity, and I try to be wary of taking away the asexual community's role in supporting people in saying that, even though I don't like 'we don't like sex' as a community rhetoric.

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Danielle
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Danielle » Sun Jan 30, 2011 7:45 am

I completely agree with you

And I can also find myself in
'I don't like sex' as an individual statement is something I see as extremely positive, and obviously a lot of asexuals are going to be leading the way in owning that identity, and I try to be wary of taking away the asexual community's role in supporting people in saying that, even though I don't like 'we don't like sex' as a community rhetoric.[/quote]

In fact I would go as far as to say that I can respect people who say 'I hate sex' when and only when this is based on experience and not because it's awesome to say it.

I know from a young Russian asexual that in Russia asexuality is becoming fashionable amongst young people. In this regard I also fear for our credibility; as in this way it seems asexuality is a choice. I know that asexuality can be a choice for some people. But for most of us it's not a choice.
Always be who you are, and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.

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Dargon
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Dargon » Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:45 am

That was part of the ideology I was fighting against when I left AVEN those years ago. There was this notion (which seems to have fortunately quieted quite a bit since then) that "true" or "pure" asexuals had not and do not and will not have sex. Seeing the vast many asexuals I know who do, whether for the sake of their partner or whatever, it is an ideology I find bothersome. It is harmful to the image of asexuality, as well as exclusionary, making many who feel broken retain that feeling rather than realizing they are just fine.

(random aside, just noticed your sig, Danielle, and I love it)

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Danielle
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Danielle » Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:34 am

With other words AVEN is just a club for 'true' or 'pure' asexuals not bothering about the diversity nor the fact that every asexual experiences his/hers asexuality in his/hers own way. Not keeping in mind the sake of those we love and the general well being of every asexual. :sigh:
Always be who you are, and say what you feel, because people who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.

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Dargon
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Dargon » Sun Jan 30, 2011 11:49 am

Used to be. It's much, much better now. I know there are a few there who still fight the good fight, and their voices are much louder now.

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:38 pm

Good to be back, now on topic. I have to agree We really need to resist this branding. Hey I'm cool with what ever you want to say about yourself, but if this 'sex hate' stigma attaches to us I think it'll only server to alienate us, not on a whole, but on an individual to individual basis
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

Michael Smoker
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Re: No sex, wtf

Postby Michael Smoker » Wed Feb 09, 2011 8:52 am

I know one person who has always hated sex and is not asexual. Being asexual and hating sex are two completely different things that do not necessitate or exclude each other.

Michael