Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

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Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby Karl » 31 Jan 2009, 22:24

[This post was originally written by site member Vittoria on February 28, 2008]

Sex is great. Fan-bloody-tastic. Not only is it fun, it’s good for you. Burns calories, reduces stress, lowers risk of heart attack, prostate cancer and endometriosis, reaffirms the emotional bond between partners. If people spent more time blowing each other they’d have less time to blow each other up—Make Love, Not War and all that. I love sex. More people should have it (safely). I don’t feel compelled to jump in the pile, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think anyone else who wants to shouldn’t. There are a lot worse things people could be doing with their bodies.

Yes, I’m one of those sex-positive asexuals, which some take to mean an asexual who has sex, but I’m at a loss to find a better phrase for being asexual but endorsing sex as healthy and natural. Some asexuals think every single thing to do with the act is gross, gross, gross and want to hear, see or think about none of it. Those people make me feel lucky that I find sex interesting, intellectually at least, because hating sex while living in the modern world would be rather like disdaining oxygen. It’s everywhere, so either find something about it interesting or resign yourself to being a life-long grump monkey.

I’ve been interested in sex since I was a pre-teen. As a teenager I realised that though I found sex fascinating the physical act didn’t interest me. That discovery didn’t dampen my intellectual interest, however; it made sex even more interesting because it seemed such a driving force for so many people even though it wrecks lives and can have disastrous consequences. Anything with that kind of power is inherently fascinating, as are the ever-shifting social mores and taboos.

Then there are those who protest, “But surely, if you enjoy thinking about it so much you must really want to do it!” To that I say that I’m also fascinated by serial killers—it doesn’t mean I’m planning a spree. I find many things I’m not personally interested in utterly captivating. Their very popularity is what mystifies and compels me. Certain celebrities (whose massive popularity despite their lack of talent or intelligence) fall into the same category.

Having no vested interest in sex can give a person a more unprejudiced view of the mattress rodeo. From a purely anthropological view sex is grossly inaccurately portrayed by the media, abstinence-only education is an excellent way to support the tide of unwanted pregnancy and STDs, and people aren’t doing nearly as many kinky things as frequently as you might think.

Something I love about being a sex positive asexual are the responses from sexual people I receive. People never expect you to have seen a porno or know what bukkake is, let alone where the G-spot is located or that the real person in control in a dominant-submissive scene is the submissive partner. There is a special kind of joy in being able to talk unflappably about things that turn even your most liberal friends a lovely puce. They want to know why I’m such a pervo and I say that sex is like a restaurant—sexual people find the things they like and stay with that part of the menu, but asexuals (of the sex positive variety) wander by the buffet and check everything out because it’s all odd to us. Sure, some things are at the farther end of the wowwee spectrum, but for the most part it’s all baffling to us. We’re not thinking of ourselves in those situations so it’s more academic and less personal. Sex positive asexuals can be a sex positive sexual’s best ally.

And, of course, we don’t mind listening to you bitch about how annoying sex is, either.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby rokso » 02 Aug 2009, 16:00

Great post Karl.
Just as you are sex-positive asexual, I'm an asexual-positive sexual (gay, for specificity sake).
I'm fascinated by asexuality and can spend hours reading about it.
I do not agree with you on one point though. You say that "abstinence-only education is an excellent way to support the tide of unwanted pregnancy and STDs". This is not realistic though. In theory, yes, abstinence is perhaps the best way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs, but in reality, most sexual people will have sex anwyway (just like hungry people will do anything to get food in their stomachs). So abstinence-only education is not only unrealistic, it is also detrimental because it is inapplicable (and therefore misleading) to sexual people. Sexual people will have sex anyway, the same way people will take a piss when their bladder is full. Instead of pushing for abstinence-only education, we should promote safe-sex education. That way, people who choose to have sex will (hopefully) do it in a safe and responsible way, and those who don't have sex will simply have one or two less problems to think about ;) But let's not be fooled, sex is to sexual people what art is to artists. They need it in order to achieve fulfillment.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby Siggy » 02 Aug 2009, 16:53

I think you misinterpreted what Karl said. Karl said that abstinence-only education is an excellent way to support unwanted pregnancies and STDs. It's a terrible way to avoid unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Isn't it great when you disagree with someone, but then later find out it was just a small understanding, and they agreed with you all along? :D

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby Isaac » 02 Aug 2009, 22:10

Most of these benefices of sex are obtained by masturbation too. It's usually ignored by the media.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby realist1 » 21 Dec 2009, 21:51

Of all i have read so far, i find this the realist,destine objectice that come with amatuering adjustable insight. However this is 100% right but there is so much more for those who has gone through the maturing stages and has cnme to the conclusion to accept the fact they are sex-positive Asexual.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby Paul2 » 03 Sep 2010, 14:04

Nice article!

The way you can talk about sex, without practising, is similar to the way I love to impress other people talking about foreign cities I never went to, but while I have read so much about, I know more about them than people who actually went there :D

It is also the same way people don't like to hear moral teachings from the catholic church: as priests don't practice sex, it must be impossible for them to have an idea of it, and so in no way they should teach us, the sexual active people, something about it....

Allthough one hasn't to agree with everything churchmen are saying, I do think they have a more independent and unprejudiced view of sex than people who grow up in a world that nowadays is really dominated by sex and an also irrealistic ideal of romantic love.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby unlybba » 09 May 2012, 17:55

Thank you for posting this. I've always had a difficult time reconciling my interest in sex and a generally sex-positive attitude with the idea that I just never really wanted to have sex. It is good to hear this from someone else, especially as I'm brand new and still trying to get a handle on everything. :)

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby PiF » 19 Mar 2013, 04:32

This maybe an old entry but it's something that increasingly pisses me off on two counts

The poor job we do as asexuals in promoting asexuality does not mean we are anti sexual (mostly) and also promoting how those of us who are sex positive find a way to work around the lack of sexual attraction with a sexual partner when it comes to sex

This probably is on a par for me anyway with the simplicity of what is and isn't an asexual as one of the most important areas for us to promote to show the differences between asexual and sexual are not as wide as our poor projection has created..when it comes to having sex

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby brittany1986 » 02 Aug 2013, 15:05

You are clearly not asexual.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby KAGU143 » 03 Aug 2013, 15:56


And you are clearly not qualified to judge. :D

(Trolz R FUN.)
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby Ciri » 03 Aug 2013, 16:01

Says who? Sex enjoyment is a physiological response. It feels good sure to the stimulation of sensitive nerves. Those nerves send electrical signals to the brain via neuronal conduction through the nerve cells axons and dendrites resulting in the release of neurochemicals such as dopamine and norepinephrine.

Asexuality is not a neurological or a neurochemical disorder, it is the lack of sexual attraction.

If I want to cop off with two of my ex-housemates purely because they are awesome in bed and have hilarious orgasm faces, I am going to do that. Because its fun. Not because I am attracted to them
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Re: Why I’m a Sex-Positive Asexual

Postby PiF » 04 Aug 2013, 01:42

Ciri wrote:If I want to cop off with two of my ex-housemates purely because they are awesome in bed and have hilarious orgasm faces, I am going to do that. Because its fun. Not because I am attracted to them

:yikes: That has just reminded me of some of my sexual partners gurning faces while doing the durty..add that to an accent as well and yes sometimes sex can be hilarious

As to Brittanys comments...I have been Asexual since the age of 12, my ex wife knew, my ex girlfriends knew and sex was not for my gratification but a wish to please a partner with my undoubtedly awesome shagging skills whilst also being to love them more as my best friends.

Feel free to come back any time Brittany although after a few months I think only one of us will realise they were never asexual and their name won't be mine :D

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