Hi Everyone

Introduce yourself to the community here.
FoxMulder
New Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:07 pm

Hi Everyone

Postby FoxMulder » Sun Jan 04, 2015 12:31 pm

I’m still not sure how you define asexual, as it seems a lot of so called asexuals do engage in sex. If that’s not confusing, I don’t know what is. Now to introduce myself, I’m male, middle age and asexual. How and why? When I was a preteen kid I just assumed I would meet that girl I really like, get married, have kids, and all that stuff “everyone else” does. When I was a teenager and at that age you are supposed to be interested in girls, I never met one that I was really drawn to that I really felt connected with. I hear these stereotypes about how teenagers are bursting at the seams with sex hormones. I never felt that way, never, I was too busy with other things like hobbies, interests, and trying to get through my schooling. As an adult I never felt this sex drive, and still don’t. The whole idea of jumping through hoops pursuing someone you don’t feel connected with seemed like such a waste of time. To this day I still don’t feel this urge, as I go on with my life. To me it’s normal, you don’t need a partner in modern day life, and I can function just fine without sex. It’s also worth noting I’ve never experienced this love thing where you are supposedly swept up off your feet. I think it’s all a placebo effect.

I probably won’t post here much, but it’s worth knowing others out in the world are similarly minded and I’m not the only one.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby PiF » Sun Jan 04, 2015 5:41 pm

Firstly welcome, new members are always appreciated.

I wonder if you have the definition of what an asexual is wrong?

You said.....I’m still not sure how you define asexual, as it seems a lot of so called asexuals do engage in sex. If that’s not confusing, I don’t know what is

This sounds like you might have spent some time in the clown house called aven and would perfectly explain the confusion.

I'll see if I can de muddy the waters..feel free to feedback if you wish

An asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction....the end...it really is that simple

I can be attracted to a woman but feel nothing sexually towards her..it's like trying a Vulcan mind probe..you know...you try real hard..even scrunching your face up but for you it's not real....I try to imagine me shagging a woman and all I get is...nothing, my mind is an empty box when it comes to being attracted sexually to another and I would rather be having a cup of tea instead

Over the years as it has become fashionable amongst our young to have labels and labels for labels, many have wanted to be asexual for a few weeks, but when they realise they are not asexual they then try to create sub sets of sub sets within the definition and it is within this.... that a myth has raised it's distorted head that asexuals do not like sex..remember asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction..not ability or wish to for whatever reason

many asexuals are sex positive and most who are in a relationship tend to be in one with a sexual person. This doesn't mean we contradict ourselves ...as most asexuals would rather have a cup of tea than a shag but.....when we are in a loving relationship we want to show love in a way that a partner may see as part of the package...some of us have no issue with sex...again..an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction...not someone who is repulsed by sex...that is a completely different thing. Some asexuals find a sexual partner who understand this lack of sexual attraction and no sex takes place...in an ideal world sex can be involved if both parties wish it but on a level both parties feel okay with

I have had relationships along all of those lines and have also been more than happy to be perfectly single with sex never raising it's..or my...head

as long as people realise that an asexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction but also...Asexuality is only part of who they are...then people will get us

I hope you do post more Fox, new blood is always welcome :D

FoxMulder
New Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:07 pm

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby FoxMulder » Sun Jan 04, 2015 6:52 pm

Yes, by your definition I fit the definition of asexual quite well. I can remember how in work places or other places I've been with other men and they talk about wanting or having sex and I found it all quite boring. I would much rather talk about more interesting topics like science, technology, or economics. Nor do I find those rubbish sitcoms with all humour about sex to be entertaining either. As for aven I don't know anything about it, but it seems to have a bad reputation.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby PiF » Mon Jan 05, 2015 12:30 am

Suprisingly the definition I use is the very same one that science has accepted and the very same one that is on the header pages of Aven itself.

I agree with you on the other subjects for discussion, I remember on one occasion I declared my asexuality within my work group...not in a big drama queen look at me way but a subtle slip in .... what we do with our partners. Being a very male dominated workplace I did get the usual but with humour comments like, so your gay then, am I safe in the shower etc and it was humourous as they were my friends..but I was able to help them understand the simple definition..we can on our own two feet stand proud of who we are if we explain accurately and in an involving way

As to Aven...it started off as a genuine safe place for asexuals, now those very same asexuals walk a very thin line pondering should we be honest on the truth..... that the forum itself is the least safest place for genuine asexuals...they mean well but have very much lost their way and rather sadly are the main source of most of the confusion and doubt

As I said earlier. would be good if you pop in from time to time ..cheers

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1297
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby KAGU143 » Wed Jan 07, 2015 8:28 am

Welcome to Apositive, Fox.

Pif did a good job of summing up the basics about how we define asexuality. It can be simplified by saying that it's a permanent lack of interest in having sex with all others, regardless of their sex, gender, age, or any other physical attribute, and regardless of any emotional attachment.

That's not the same as a lack of ability to have sex, and of course there might be times when it's a good idea to do something which would normally be unappealing - for instance, to strengthen a loving relationship or to have children. (Some asexuals want to have children.)

Being repulsed by sex isn't the same thing as asexuality but in some cases it can be related. An asexual person, especially one who doesn't realize what is "wrong" with them, can end up being repulsed by the entire notion of sex after they have been coaxed, cajoled, teased, criticized, ridiculed and etc due to their lack of interest.

'Hope to see you around some more!
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

User avatar
Narnia
Established Member
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:42 am

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby Narnia » Thu Jan 15, 2015 5:52 am

I spent most my adult life thinking I was in some way broken, inferior - I was frigid. But then I came across an article about asexuality and found I could relate to much of it. I agree with PiF's comments about labels - it's a mystery to me why people should want to have one to hang round their neck but if they do then fine. I don't :halo:

It would be lovely if you did hang around and post a bit...might encourage a few others (like me :) )

FoxMulder
New Member
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:07 pm

Re: Hi Everyone

Postby FoxMulder » Tue Jan 20, 2015 6:20 am

Right now I'm doing other things so not posting much, but feel compelled to add something here to this topic. Most people assume you're straight, gay/lesbian or bisexual. Those are only 3 of the 4 possible combinations, the fourth one being asexual. It's really that simple.