Hi

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FlyingGirl
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Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:34 pm

Hi

Postby FlyingGirl » Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:03 pm

Hello Everyone!

It is strange to say hello to a community of like minded people - when until recently i didn't even know there were like minded people...
I have rather resigned myself to not being able to explain to friends and family how I feel about the subject of intimate relationships and my lack of desire for them. I just shrug and move on off the subject.

I am really happy to find this community, ad I hope I can make some new friends here.

FlyingG.

PiF
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Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Hi

Postby PiF » Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:15 pm

Welcome

I think that is the second hardest barrier, how to tell others if you want to. The first is finding out..what the hell is going on with me???

Glad you found us, look around and see what takes your fancy...so to speak

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FlyingGirl
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:34 pm

Re: Hi

Postby FlyingGirl » Tue Aug 11, 2015 2:32 pm

Thank you for your words, PiF.

I figured out nothing was wrong with me a few years ago. It was silly really, I read some motivational poster nonsense about "treating yourself like you would treat your best friend" or something like that. During that time I was really angry with myself about not wanting relationships the way other people around me wanted them. I was thinking I may need to get drunk or g to therapy or something to get over my lack of enthusiasm to being touched...and then I had a conversation with myself and realized:
1. I'm not hurting anyone by not wanting sexual relationships
2. Trying to force yourself to do something just because everyone else is doing it is fudging nuts. I wouldn't force a friend to do what I wanted to do, so why myself? It's o.k to feel any way I want, I don't owe anything to anyone, in that regard.

So I stopped warring with myself and just relaxed about it. It was very cathartic and liberating.

It just sometimes felt really alone, cause even my best friend did't understand...

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Hi

Postby PiF » Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:54 am

Some of us here are old farts

so when we say..."honestly people stop beating yourself up, by the time you get to say mid 30's, you realise you spent most of your youth beating yourself up in a way no one else ever could"...sometimes just see the age of the person saying this so say "you don't understand , your old"..We are saying this because we have been there and If we knew at 20 what we knew at 35, we could have saved ourselves a lot of shit.

I think also some confuse what asexuality is..it is the lack of sexual attraction and nothing more..can it have an impact on a relationship? possibly, in that you may make your partner feel like poop if you do not explain it properly or as I've seen with some..people blame their asexuality for not wanting sex which is two different things completely

I agree though FG..although it has some lonely momments and at times a hug would be great...there is something very liberating about remaining single..as well as removing the "I must beat myself up everyday" collar..

sometimes the hardest relationship to have is the one with yourself..we seem all to find it easier to beat ourselves up than love the person we are