I'm wondering about my own asexuality, though I think it seems to be me. I'm a bit older. I have not had a "sexual relationship" in 10 years or so, but that, I consider a failure. I thought I was a sexual before, but I look back on my past and see that I never really "sexually connected" with anyone at all. I don't consider myself all that gay, though I know I'm not straight, either. It seems the gay world was/is extremely sexual-centric (so is the rest of the world now) and I do feel affronted by stuff about sex. I always preferred friendships (sexless) where I could do a lot of talking and exploring lots of different ideas. I just always found sexual stuff to be really, really confusing. I get it (I'm not dumb) if they say "Timmy is hot," but the first thing I think is "yeah, it's 107 degrees out, sure, he'd like a cold beer." It seems I always have to think stuff through. I think a friend flirted with me on the phone about 2 weeks ago, but I never get this at all.
A lot of this is extremely nebulous. I don't think I'm un-sexual, or anti-sexual, but the idea of sexual attraction, is, like I just said, really nebulous and uncertain. Of course, I do know all this shifts constantly, a continuum or a spectrum, so every now and then I think I can "do" something sexual, but then it winds up me being analytical and really, really super confused. I prefer to stick with "in-the-heart-matters" rather than "down there."
My life has been really weird, but I'm not sorry for any of it. Friends over sexual stuff any day.
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