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Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 3:28 pm
by Sister_Sojourn
Hello everyone!!

I didn't realize there were any other asexual forums until today when I signed up for the AVEN temporary site and there was a link to Apositive.org. Who knew? Well, I guess all of the people that are already signed up here, but I didn't know. At any rate, I'm happy I have found this place and I hope to meet all sorts of people.

I am from Iowa and I sometimes feel like I'm the only asexual in the state, even though there are those that say the live in Iowa and are asexual. They must be invisible. I'm looking for friends, perhaps a relationship, should a friendship blossom into a relationship. I just finished my final relationship with a sexual person and that's the last time. I'm glad I finally figured out why relationships with sexuals don't work for me. It took me a while, I guess I have a slow learning curve?

Any way, I'm ready to read, meet and enjoy my time here.

Cheers!!!

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:19 pm
by Dargon
Hello and welcome!

AVEN temporary site? Did AVEN go down again?

In any case, welcome, hope you like it here.

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 3:38 am
by apsaf
AVEN temporary site? Did AVEN go down again?

I thought there was something wrong with my computer! Thanks!
Welcome, Sister_Sojourn.
I'm signed up on AVEN but I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm still trying to catch up on all those topics and I'm not finding enough time. The discussions seem to get heated a lot over there, as is usually the case with a large number of people from different backgrounds. But it's generally interesting.
I hope you find some asexuals nearby (till now, I'm the only one I know of in my country!)

PS: Since I last introduced myself here, I "came out" to my best friends and, lately, my mom. The reactions were positive all around. I was surprised mostly by my mother's total acceptance and understanding (she's relieved to know that I'm really happy like that and that I'm not repressing any feelings or urges. She's also glad to know that I'm not the only one!) :)

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 5:40 am
by Sister_Sojourn
Yeah AVEN is down again and I think it's still down today. It's nice meeting you both. And congrats apsaf on coming out and it being a positive experience. :)

Thanks for the warm welcome!!!

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:40 am
by KAGU143
Welcome to Apositive, Sister Sojourn.
This site is calmer and more information-oriented than AVEN and, since we discourage completely meaningless posts, it doesn't seem to appeal to the "youngsters" quite as much.
Nonetheless, it can be a good place to meet like-minded individuals.
Stick around and join our quiet little party!

The other AVEN backup site is called AVENites Unite. I don't have the URL handy but it shows up as #1 if you search it.
The AVEN server seems to be having some serious issues. 'Not sure what the deal is, but it's been going on for three days now.
I know they are working on the problem.

-GB

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:56 pm
by Dargon
I wonder if that is the same temporary forum that came up with the whole Bluehost debacle back in 2006ish.

In any case, AVEN is really one of those places that is so active you really can't catch up, you kind of have to pick and choose what to read based on topic title, otherwise it will totally overwhelm you. Back when I went to AVEN, if I took a brief absence, I'd completely skip catching up except for a few threads, and I'd just roll with what was already there, since it is just so active.

Anyhow, congrats on the successful coming out, apsaf.

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:30 pm
by apsaf
Thank you Dargon. Re AVEN, maybe I'll do just that when the site is back up. It's true, it's difficult to catch up over there.

ETA: Here's the link to the temporary AVEN site:
http://avenitesunite.proboards.com/index.cgi

How was that 2006 banning issue resolved? Is it the same problem this time?

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 6:32 am
by Sister_Sojourn
KAGU143 wrote:Welcome to Apositive, Sister Sojourn.
This site is calmer and more information-oriented than AVEN and, since we discourage completely meaningless posts, it doesn't seem to appeal to the "youngsters" quite as much.


Yeah, I already think I'm going to like it here much more than over there. There are just way too many posts and your comments just get hidden and nothing ever really gets discussed it seems. Maybe it's just the old woman in me. :)

Pleased to meet you GB and Dargon!!!

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:40 am
by Dargon
apsaf wrote:How was that 2006 banning issue resolved? Is it the same problem this time?


Way back when, AVEN was hosted by BlueHost. Out of nowhere, BlueHost decided to change their TOS forbidding adult content to include discussion about sexuality. While the adult nature of sexuality is debatable, it was now explicitly spelled out in the TOS. However, DJ was not notified of the change and the site was simply suspended. At that point a temporary forum was set up while DJ sorted things out with BlueHost, was able to retrieve a backup of the AVEN site, and migrate the site to a new host. Once migrated, everything went back up (albeit all posts after the backup were lost).

I do not know the nature of the problem this time. I would assume that anything known about the current problem would be posted on the temporary boards. I have since distanced myself from AVEN, so I am not knowledgeable about current issues there.

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 5:39 am
by Sister_Sojourn
Apparently, it's back up and running. I went there, but I didn't post. Since I've found this place, I feel like there's no reason to post there. Perhaps I'll change my mind, but if I don't, no biggie. I'm sure I won't be missed, I had only been posting there for a month or so. :)

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 7:33 am
by ghosts
Welcome to the board!

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:04 am
by apsaf
Thank you Dargon.

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:14 am
by Sister_Sojourn
Thanks for the welcome ghosts!! :)

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:00 am
by AFlyingPiglet
Welcome! Yes the discussion is very thoughtful and informative round here which is good. I hope you like it here

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 8:14 pm
by Sister_Sojourn
Well, it's been forever since I've been here, but I'm back. Had to re-evaluate everything in my life. I was really in denial of continuing to call myself asexual up until recently, which is why I left all of the asexual forums I was on. I first had to come to terms with my sexual orientation, which I finally did. Then I had to come to terms with whether the physical illness that I was having when I had sex or masturbated was because of my guilt from being raised a Jehovah's Witness or because I just didn't enjoy having sex.

I have come to the realization that it was because I simply don't enjoy having sex and after reviewing my past relationships, I saw a common theme. My relationships always ended with my partner (male or female) dissatisfied with me because I never initiated sex or when they wanted to have sex I was never interested or had a reason to not want to have sex. I was completely comfortable in a relationship without it.

Recently, I started seeing a new therapist and the first thing I said to her was that I wanted to work on how to be in a relationship with a woman and give her sex and how I can allow her to give sex to me. She instantly said, "You don't have to have sex in your relationships. It's not required." Why hadn't I thought of that? Well, because all of my life when I mentioned that I didn't want it or like it, all of the strong women or my friends and family would tell me that it was what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to like it. I just never thought any different. It was sort of programmed into my brain. Even after she said it, it didn't really sink in until this week when I was looking at the groups I was on on Facebook. I had forgotten about AVEN.

Then I realized I had joined other web forums in the past. I started looking them up and I found you guys again. This week I slowly started to remember that, you know, my therapist is right. Today I came to the realization that I can finally label myself with confidence (even though I don't generally like to place labels, but in this case I feel it's necessary to move on). I am a homoromantic asexual. And after long discussions with my friends it felt as though a heavy weight was being lifted from my shoulders. That dreadful feeling of trying to seek out a mate that I would have to try to suffer through having sex with, no longer plagues me today. I feel like a new woman. I have so many other issues to deal with, and having one less is such a relief.

I just wanted to get that out and say, "Hello Apositive!! It's nice to be home." :D

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 10:36 pm
by ParaLLL
Welcome back, and nice to meet you!

Re: Salutations from Sister S.

Posted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 3:45 am
by Sister_Sojourn
It's nice to meet you too ParaLLL!! Thanks for the welcome back.

It's funny, I just read my first post. I don't know why I didn't read it when I posted earlier. But I never did start another relationship with a sexual even though I had doubts about myself. I just find it interesting I've been single that entire time. I don't know that I've ever been single for this long in my life since I graduated from high school. :lol: