Unsure new person, finding my way

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CookieMonster
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Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:00 am

Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby CookieMonster » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:11 am

Hello! New member here, just saying hi. I have wondered for a while whether I am asexual, and after finally plucking up the courage to do a bit of research I think I might be. Still not sure though, so I'm hoping that joining this community and discussing with others will help me become more sure and comfortable with myself. Nice to meet you all! :)

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KAGU143
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby KAGU143 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:53 am

Welcome to Apositive, CM. :)

Feel free to pull up a virtual chair and join in!
We can't really tell you whether or not you are asexual, but you are welcome to share anything that you think might be relevant. Asexuals usually have some things in common and those could be a helpful starting point in your journey of self-discovery.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

CookieMonster
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Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:00 am

Re: Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby CookieMonster » Thu Nov 18, 2010 11:10 am

Thanks :) It's OK, I know no-one can just wave a magic wand and sort my head out for me, but it helps to know that I'm not alone.

OK, sharing time (skip this bit if you're just here to say hi :P)
I'm a 17 year old girl, and have had one proper boyfriend (the one in primary school and the one on the internet I never met don't count). We were good friends before we started going out, so it wasn't that I didn't trust him, but whenever it went further than a kiss on the cheek, I got uncomfortable. It ended pretty quickly cos neither of us were that into it, and I've always thought he probably wanted more physically from me - maybe not actual sex, but more than I was prepared to give.
I can't help wondering how I can know if I'm asexual, when I've never had any experience - surely it's like saying you don't like a certain food before you try it? But at the same time, other people my age have some sort of sexual desire, and I don't. But maybe I just haven't met the right person yet? But then if I go down that road, when do I stop looking for the right person?
Ahh, the trials of a teenage asexual :D As I said, I know no-one can tell me for sure yay or nay, but I'd be interested to know how my story compares to other people's experiences.

fridayoak
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Re: Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby fridayoak » Thu Nov 18, 2010 12:28 pm

Go back ten years, reverse the sexes and that story could be mine. As a teenager I had a girlfriend who I didn't want kissing me let alone anything sexual (I couldn't even think about it).

So I knew I was different but as I got older I decided I wanted to change so I decided to sort of force myself into being sexual. So when I went away to uni I ended up having sex, hoping maybe I'd "become sexual" but it did nothing for me but at least made me realise that I definitely wasn't a normal sexual person. Since then I have been in a couple of sexual relationships but with the knowledge that I was having sex as a compromise for the relationship.

That's just my mini-story, there are plenty of self-identified asexual who have never had and never plan on having sex, and frankly if I would have known about asexulity as an orientation ten years ago there's a good chance I wouldn't have felt the need to try sex. But that doesn't mean I regret it.

Basically if you feel like identifying as an asexual suits how you feel (or don't feel) then that's cool, there's shouldn't be any pressure to pin yourself down to a label. Like you say, I think most 17 year olds have expereinced sexual desire so I can see why you'd consider yourself asexual but it's up to you whether you want to use that label or not.

Good luck

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Dargon
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Re: Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby Dargon » Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:26 pm

Hello and welcome.

Not an uncommon story, yours. I've read many like it, seems to be a common experience amongst asexuals, so you are definitely not alone n that.

With regards to comparing it to food, it does not seem an apt analogy. The only thing similar I can think to compare it to is really only apt when talking to hetero or homosexual people, namely asking them how they know they aren't bisexual if they haven't experimented with the sex they are not attracted to. It just seems one of those things that is quite innate.

CookieMonster
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Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:00 am

Re: Unsure new person, finding my way

Postby CookieMonster » Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:11 am

Thanks fridayoak and Dargon for the welcome :)