Hello

Introduce yourself to the community here.
stereonoiseattack
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:59 pm

Hello

Postby stereonoiseattack » Fri Nov 19, 2010 11:08 pm

Hi,

I'm a 37 year old guy - came out of a gay relationship with a guy just less than a year ago - the whole relationship was sex-less.

The last time I had 'proper' sex was about 6 years ago.

I was once put on anti-viral medication for HIV after just kissing a guy who I found out to be HIV positive. The thought of kissing anyone now is pretty much a no go area for me now as I have bad memories from that experience.

I kind of think of sex as disgusting, bordering on violence (one guy years ago wouldn't stop when I asked him to and I felt like I was gonna black out) and I associate most gay guys as being promiscuous and therefore at a high risk of having HIV.

I can't see myself getting close to anyone ever again, and I'm happy to be on my own though crave to be loved, but know that I'll never be loved if I can't have sex with my partner.

I've even contemplated suicide. I'm tanked up on anti depressant medication as it is and have been for years now. I also suffer from panic disorder.

Wow, what an introduction!! Hopefully there's some like-minded souls on here!!

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1302
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Hello

Postby KAGU143 » Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:40 am

Hi, stereonoiseattack, and welcome to Apositive!

All I can say is ... damn. That really sucks that you had to go on anti-virals just for kissing somebody. That seems a bit extreme to me, but then HIV is so freakin' scary that I can't even imagine what it must have been like.

Please don't think that you are doomed to never have love just because you might be asexual . There are quite a few gay-oriented asexuals around, both here and at AVEN, and probably at some of the lesser-known asexual sites as well. This site is not as active as AVEN (yet!) but we have a good, friendly group here. Please stick around, be patient since some of our members don't check in every day, and above all - don't give up!
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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ily
Regular Member
Posts: 248
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 7:55 pm

Re: Hello

Postby ily » Sat Nov 20, 2010 5:20 pm

Welcome! At asexual meetups, I've met some gay-asexual men who are also frustrated with the emphasis on sex in the gay community. You're definitely not alone.

stereonoiseattack
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:59 pm

Re: Hello

Postby stereonoiseattack » Sun Nov 21, 2010 1:44 am

Thanks for your replies, KAGU14 and ily.

I remember back to even when I was a child that being loved was so important to me. When I'd come to terms with the fact that I was gay, I saw how the whole gay scene is so transitory and based around sex. I actually feel so detached from the whole scene - it seems to be infiltrated with clones of one another and if you don't hook up with people for sex your looked at as being 'weird'.

My relationship that ended this year was very important to me and I'm devastated at the break up and don't think I will ever get over it. He had sexual needs that I just couldn't fulfill - I'd push him off me if he tried to get on top of me, which I know how awful that must have made him feel (as in rejection). I was saying to someone at work just this week how I don't like people touching me, even if its friends, I'm very uncomfortable if they even touch my arm or put the arms around me.

I've been reading many threads through this forum and can say it's such a relief to know that I'm not alone!

Thanks!

CookieMonster
New Member
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:00 am

Re: Hello

Postby CookieMonster » Mon Nov 22, 2010 12:55 pm

Hi stereonoiseattack,

I'm new to this site as well (On posting, my introduction thread is the one below yours :D) and your story really touched me. As a 17 year old girl, I'm afraid there's not much I share in your experiences, but I can certainly understand your worry that you'll never be loved if you don't have sex with your partner. That's an issue for me too - I simply wouldn't want to inflict a sexless relationship on anyone I know, because I know they wouldn't be happy. There's no answer to it, as far as I can see. But I'm determined not to let asexuality doom me to a life of lonliness, and I hope you can see that too - if not now, then soon. :)

stereonoiseattack
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:59 pm

Re: Hello

Postby stereonoiseattack » Tue Nov 23, 2010 11:15 am

Hi CookieMonster,

Thanks so much for your post - it's so nice not to feel alone with our feelings, so thanks for your kinds words and all the best to you! :)