Finally Free

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HappilyA
New Member
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun May 01, 2011 10:40 am

Finally Free

Postby HappilyA » Sun May 01, 2011 11:09 am

My entire adult life I just thought I was broken. All my friends had these healthy, active sex lives and loved to share every detail of every encounter. I always found myself intrigued, but never quite understood what was so great and fantastic about having sex.
I always found it messy, germy, uncomfortable and quite simply a chore. I did it because it's what the person I was dating wanted to do and I thought that's what I was supposed to be doing. All my friends were doing it and they were quite happy with themselves. I just needed to figure out how to get it.

My friends tried to drag me to Victoria's Secret - you just need to wear this (pointing to whatever the mannequin was wearing).
Or they would drag me to Adult Book stores to find things to help me discover my sexual being. Whatever that means.
I went for amusement purposes only and always left with nothing but a frustrated friend.

It never crossed my mind that I might be a normal, healthy, vibrant woman who just did not have the need for sex.
I mean really, is that possible? From what I heard from my friends and saw on TV this was the greatest, most sought-after event of all time.
No way could I just not need it.
I was broken. That was my only explanation.

And then I stumbled across a link for AVEN. AVEN? What is that?
Oh my God opened up a whole new world for me.

I cried tears of joy and relief as I read through the website.
I am normal.
I am not broken.
I am a healthy, vibrant woman and it is 100% that I do not have the desire to have sex.
There is nothing wrong with me.

Praise Jesus.

OK, but now what do I do about the fact that I'm an Asexual married woman?
Oh dear lord how do I tell my husband this one??

By the graces of God I do have the most wonderful, understanding, caring and supportive husband ever.
I think he was as relieved as I was because now he knew it was not him.
He was not defective either.
He thought there was something wrong with him and stayed frustrated and unhappy with me quite a bit due to this misunderstanding.

We talked.
We compromised.
And we're happier than we have ever been.
It's amazing what honesty and true friendship and love can do.

I am OK.
I am not broken.
I am not defective.
Victoria's Secret will survive without me.
I am a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant, happy, Asexual woman and most importantly I AM FINALLY FREE!

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Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: Finally Free

Postby Dargon » Sun May 01, 2011 11:15 am

I am quite glad to hear such a good discovery/coming out story.

Welcome to Apositive, here's hoping you enjoy it here.

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KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1302
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Finally Free

Postby KAGU143 » Mon May 02, 2011 7:30 pm

Hi, HappilyA, and welcome to Apositive.
Image

What a great post! Of Course you aren't broken! Not so long ago, an asexual woman would have been considered to be the epitome of proper female morality. 'Makes ya wonder, doesn't it? Surely that idea wasn't made up from absolutely nothing. I think that asexuality has been around forever and it was usually accepted as perfectly normal ... up until recently, that is. In my opinon, the battle for sexual freedom will not be won until people have the right to say "NO thanks" without being judged as defective.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: Finally Free

Postby michaels » Wed May 04, 2011 12:56 pm

That was a beautiful post. I spent a long time trying to be just like everyone else, which unfortunately involved a number of attempts at sex, all unsuccessful. After each one I had the same broken feeling you did. I'm very glad that you've made this discovery and, indeed, are finally free. And in a happy marriage yet! Congratulations.

By the way, compromise sex is a well-established concept. From what I've heard, lots of asexuals have sex with their spouses and significant others if the other person is sexual and can't live without at least some sex. As long as you freely give your consent to sex every time it happens, you shouldn't feel bad about it or think that it somehow diminishes your asexuality. Perhaps other aces in compromise relationships could elaborate upon this theme.

VicariousWonder
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:30 pm

Re: Finally Free

Postby VicariousWonder » Thu Aug 11, 2011 9:06 pm

KAGU143 wrote:Hi, HappilyA, and welcome to Apositive.
Image

What a great post! Of Course you aren't broken! Not so long ago, an asexual woman would have been considered to be the epitome of proper female morality. 'Makes ya wonder, doesn't it? Surely that idea wasn't made up from absolutely nothing. I think that asexuality has been around forever and it was usually accepted as perfectly normal ... up until recently, that is. In my opinon, the battle for sexual freedom will not be won until people have the right to say "NO thanks" without being judged as defective.


I could not agree more. Thank you for putting into words something that i'd been feeling for years but couldn't quite put my finger on.