New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Introduce yourself to the community here.
User avatar
seriouslywho
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:18 am

New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby seriouslywho » Sat Jun 25, 2011 3:21 am

Hi all! I'm from the UK, female (30), non-gender ( I've never felt especially male or female) and quite androgynous looking and in the way I present myself. I'm a very romantic type of asexual who is also pro-sex. I accept I may never experience it in the same way as a sexual person, but I have no doubt in my mind at all that I would enjoy the physical and emotional intimacy.

And yet another label - I believe myself to be homo-romantic. I've seen the term used, but not sure if it's the common one? I've known I wanted a same sex relationship from the age of 17, but simply considered myself straight and open-minded and assumed I would just 'meet someone by chance' ... so, as per statistical odds, I ended up in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex of course. Though on a friendship level it was great!

I'd always simply thought of myself as 'very fussy', waiting for the right person. I'm far more concerned with shared interests and someone's personality than sex. I hear this is pretty common with asexual people?

I'm obsessed with Doctor Who (all eras), love all science fiction, fantasy. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, like nature and science. I'm ridiculously polite at all times. And I'm the type who can easily write an essay in response to one question. I promise to rein myself in ... and hope this wasn't too long!
Last edited by seriouslywho on Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby michaels » Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:03 am

Greetings. Enjoy your time here.

To my ear you sound like someone who is just exploring new concepts, so you probably shouldn't be in too much of a rush to adopt any label. There are people for whom discovering the concept of asexuality is like an epiphany because the standard description of an ace matches exactly what they've been like for the last 45 years. I was such a person. But other people need some more time to figure themselves out, and asexuality and related concepts are just additional tools they can add to their toolkit. My guess (although I don't know you) is that you belong to the latter group.

There's also the suggestion, made lately by various authorities, that sexual orientation isn't stable. I happen to think that nobody is just one thing over the course of their entire life.

You'll find that this site gets very slow at times, but it's the only asexuality forum I've had good experience with, so I hope you'll stick around.

User avatar
Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby Dargon » Sat Jun 25, 2011 9:22 am

Hello and welcome. Sounds like quite the complicated sexuality (but aren't they all), hard to fit under any of the "normal" labels. But hey, what fun is that?

Anyhow, here's hoping to see you around the forums.

Brent_S
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:42 am

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby Brent_S » Sat Jun 25, 2011 10:11 am

Welcome. I'm new here as well. I definitely feel the same way as you in many respects: being asexual but pro-sex, being 'very fussy'. It's good to meet you, and I hope you enjoy the forum! :D
"Actually, sex just isn't that important to me." [Sidney Harris Cartoon. American Scientist. Magazine. 1984]

User avatar
seriouslywho
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:18 am

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby seriouslywho » Mon Jun 27, 2011 3:58 am

Thank you so much for all your welcomes!

I agree with Michaels, that yes, I'm still rather figuring things out. I absolutely love any advice and ideas on any of my various labels! I'm very open minded!

All I know is that I've never been able to even imagine physical attraction to the opposite sex. But since I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone anyway in real life, it's all very much theory unfortunately ;-)

With my non-gender/gender-neutral identity, I've always (quite unthinkingly) said that I never feel particularly male or female to people. I notice this more when I'm with other females and sometimes feel quite uncomfortable because I don't fit in. Whereas with male friends, naturally I don't feel the need to be like them so it's easier.

And I agree with Brent _S yes, I honestly thought I was just fussy until someone pointed out if I'd never been sexually attracted to anyone in my life then perhaps it was more than that. It may sound silly now, but I'd simply thought everyone else was the same, but were making more compromises than I was!

I like to think of it as a spectrum too. I have some traits and not others. All I know is, I have no interest in sex in itself. Only as an expression of love in a long term relationship. Even then, being loved, held and gazed at would be more important than sexual acts.

And yes, Dragon, I agree, I very much see the funny side of all this and it certainly does make life more interesting! :-)

Again, Thank You all so much!

I shall check for any other replies ...but in the meantime I'm being very predictable and going over to the sexuality section, where I've just seen a topic about asexuals who love sex! ....

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby michaels » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:22 am

There are asexuals who have no libidos whatsoever. They sometimes fall into the trap of hating sex because it keeps getting shoved in their face and they don't understand it. It's the same as a unilingual Swahili speaker being stuck in a room of people who only speak Arabic. Other asexuals who never experience arousal, however, are more tolerant and accepting of differences. The fictional character of Jenny Fields in John Irving's _The World According to Garp_ might belong in the latter category.

I've found that most aces who speak up about their asexuality do experience some libido. I have a little bit of libido from time to time, but it's undirected, more like a sneeze or cough than anything else.

Similarly, there are aces who have no romantic needs. I'm one of them. Most of the aces I've seen speak up, however, are romantic in some direction or another. From my perspective it's one of the messiest ways of being an ace because most potential romantic partners are sexual and strongly associate romance with sex. The non-ace you fall in love with stands a good chance of being a stud or nympho, and that usually leads to a lot of conflict. But I might be falling into the trap of closed-mindedness here, the same way as some aces with no libido do when discussing sexual arousal of any kind.

Another important axis is what I've come to think of as the importunity factor. Some aces find sex and/or reproduction constantly shoved in their face, and might be under intense pressure to behave as if they were sexual. For others, myself included, there is barely ever any reason to even think about being asexual over the course of daily life. I've referred to myself as "the invisible ace" because my asexuality never comes up in conversation or becomes an issue anywhere except on this forum and, rarely, in conversation with a friend who is also a non-romantic ace. But I sympathize with those who are irritated at the glorification of sex and reproduction and the prevailing social prejudices about those things. (My longstanding opinion that small children need to be socialized because they are born as sociopaths would not be well-received by the parenthood-oriented culture all around me.)

I hope this ramble provides you some minor food for thought, or at least fodder for discussion. :)

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1302
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: New and directed here by a friend on twitter

Postby KAGU143 » Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:01 pm

Hi, seriouslywho. :)
'Had to smile at your username since my husband and I just recently watched the final episode of the season - with very mixed feelings about the way they ended it, but that's another topic.

It can be very puzzling to try and figure out how the various kinds of attraction can affect an asexual. I mean, we are all exposed to the same media brainwashing and I think that most of us just assume that we must fit into the popular spectrum someplace. What you don't hear mentioned very often is that there are other kinds of attraction besides physical/sexual attraction. One possibility that occurs to me is gender-based attraction, and by gender (in this case) I mean the outward expression of a person's inner gender identity.

I was terribly confused for much of my life because I was mostly attracted to people who fell somewhere in between male and female on the gender behavior spectrum. They were almost always men, physically, so I just figured that I was straight - but weird. 'Turns out that I'm something else. Sorta straight, but not precisely.
It's hard to explain how that could be, since I'm physically female and I like men, but I go through a different emotional journey in order to reach essentially the same destination as a straight woman, if that makes sense.

Anyway, Welcome to Apositive! I hope you enjoy our discussions.

Image
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.