Hey (or: In which I ramble and attempt to introduce myself)

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Hey (or: In which I ramble and attempt to introduce myself)

Postby VicariousWonder » Thu Aug 11, 2011 8:55 pm

I only just happened to stumble across this forum today. I'm new to the whole Ace scene, largely because I didn't understand how broad and varied it was. I wish i'd discovered it much earlier because it would have saved me a lot of years wondering what was wrong with me (at least under what society deemed "normal"). I just turned 19, and am really struggling with how to explain why I am the way I am to my friends. To backtrack, i've never felt the things they all said they felt when it came to sex. I have no issues with the act itself, in fact, I hope i'm lucky enough to find someone i'm sexually attracted to one day because, after all the hype it's been given, my expectations of it are pretty damn high :).

Anyway, I don't get crushes on people. Well, very rarely, and they're never sexual. In fact, i've never had a sex dream. Innocent kissing ones, sure, but those were mostly when I felt pressured by the people around me to be more, ahem, practiced than I was. The thought of banging an attractive guy doesn't get me all hot and bothered. You know when you're watching a hospital show on t.v. and they show the heart rate monitor right at that dramatic moment when the patient is about to die tragically until the doctor miraculously pulls the cure out of his or her ass and saves the day? Yeah, that pretty much describes my physical reaction in sexual situations. Not the almost dying part, obviously, but the utter and total lack of spark. My palms don't sweat, my kneed don't tremble. I don't picture you naked, nor do I picture myself naked with you. My pupils don't dilate and my head doesn't spin. I always considered myself lucky that my body didn't betray in my interactions with the opposite sex. Well, I'm pretty sure now I know why.

It's only recently (as in, this week), that I finally came to find something that actually described me. I always considered romantic and sexual attraction to be one in the same. I figured, since I still had the desire for companionship and to be in a relationship, that I couldn't possibly be asexual. I'm so relieved to have finally understood that no, the two are most certainly not mutually inclusive or exclusive. I can find someone aesthetically appealing and want to be in a relationship with them without necessarily feeling, let alone craving sexual experiences with them. I still want to fall in love. I'm just thinking it's going to be a hell of a lot harder for me than most, lol (I apologize for the text-speak, which I normally abhor, but I really didn't want that sentence to sound mopey, and what better than a lighthearted laugh out loud to negate any such inference).

To sum up this long and winding post, I self-identify as Romantic asexual, but am still trying to determine whether i'm demisexual or if I fit better under the spectrum of Grey A. Either way, i'm happy to have found this forum. Now I just have to figure out when's the right time for me to tell the people in my life.

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Re: Hey (or: In which I ramble and attempt to introduce myself)

Postby KAGU143 » Fri Aug 12, 2011 12:41 pm

Hi, and welcome to Apositive, Vicarious Wonder!
I wonder where everybody went? Hmmm.
Anyway, it seems to be pretty quiet around here right at the moment, but not to worry! Your post makes total sense to me and I think that others will agree.
That whole sex thing ... erm, right. It really seems to be blown out of proportion, doesn't it?

I don't know how you would fit into the asexual spectrum. It can vary so much, even with the same person, because they might be vaguely in favor of sex one day and then totally indifferent to it the next. They could still be asexual, though. In fact, among those asexuals who are not repulsed by sex, it seems to be pretty normal for their level of interest to vary. Maybe it's due to hormone levels or physical health, or heck - maybe it's due to the phase of the moon - lol!! I dunno.

The trick, particularly for romantic asexuals, is learning how to make your relationships work for everybody iinvolved - whether they are asexual or not. There is a learning curve, but it can definitely be done. Deciding what to tell the people in your life (ie: how to word it) is just as important as deciding when to tell them.

Once again,
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Re: Hey (or: In which I ramble and attempt to introduce myself)

Postby Dargon » Fri Aug 12, 2011 4:52 pm

Hello and welcome.

It's nice to find something that fits like that, but keep in mind sexuality is a spectrum. You mention you're not sure if you're demi or grey, don't fret too much about it; those are points on a nasty looking multi-axis graph, and there's lots of unlabeled points on there. Go ahead and look at those, but be aware that if they don't fit 100 percent for you, that's okay.

In any case, I hope to see you around the boards.

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Re: Hey (or: In which I ramble and attempt to introduce myself)

Postby tysephine » Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:13 am

Welcome to the asexual madhouse :)
It's good that you're figuring things out so young. From what I've seen, many people figure it out a lot later than 19. The wonder of the internet, eh?
Nice to have another newby on board!
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