Finding my way

Introduce yourself to the community here.
New Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:47 pm

Finding my way

Postby blackwingsblackheart » Wed Sep 21, 2011 7:42 am

Hello! I found out about asexuality about a month ago; I didn't even know there were other forums besides AVEN until yesterday. I've identified as lesbian since my late teens (I'm in my early 40s now), but looking back at my history I think asexual is a much, much better fit, and wish I'd known it was a legitimate possibility. The difficulty is that I am quite attached (culturally, politically and in many other ways) to the lesbian community, and I have to figure out if and how the two identities form a continuum. Is being homosocial and homoaffectionate enough (unfortunately, I'm also aromantic or I'd consider the question answered), or will I have to turn in my dyke membership card and decoder ring (which never worked very well anyway...)? ;) . I'm hoping to discuss with others who have worked out this dilemma to their own satisfaction. Thanks for being here!

User avatar
New Member
Posts: 13
Joined: Sun Jul 10, 2011 12:34 pm

Re: Finding my way

Postby tysephine » Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:24 am

Welcome to our little Fortress of Ace-itude!
On the lesbian/ace thing, I find that despite the lack of sexual attraction, there are other factors in our make-up that make us fall into other categories. for instance, if I was able to feel sexual attraction, I know I would be attracted to men. I don't find it a big deal; it's just another piece of us. I say if you feel comfortable in the lesbian community and you have friends there then you should stay there. There's no rule that says you have to cut yourself off from them because you figured out this new facet of you.

I hang with the straights all the time lol even though I don't always understand their motivations for doing things (*cough sleeping with a total dickhead when you have someone awesome and stable at home cough*).

Welcome again!
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands." -Douglas Adams

User avatar
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: Finding my way

Postby Dargon » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:55 pm

Hello and welcome.

I can't offer anything in terms of advice regarding the lesbian community thing, but I wish you luck with it.

User avatar
Posts: 1302
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Finding my way

Postby KAGU143 » Wed Sep 21, 2011 2:11 pm

Hi, and welcome to Apositive, Blackwings.

I think that tysephine said it as well as I could. There is no reason to leave a group just because you have learned more about yourself. The things that bound you together are still there.
And you should never give up a decoder ring! Those things are highly collectible!

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.