Hello from a Confused Newbie

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mizx
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:02 am

Hello from a Confused Newbie

Postby mizx » Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:47 am

Hi all! This is my first time joining on these sorts of forums, not to mention I pretty much just realised (after a few hours of help from Mr. Google) that I'm probably asexual, so I'm all sorts of lost right now, lol.

From what I've figured out, I'm definitely aromantic, but I'm still confused on whether I'd be under the large umbrella known as asexual yet. As much as I would like to (as years of looking on as my friends have entered into long-term relationships and marriages have told me), I'm just not attracted to people. I've been in quite a few relationships before, but they've all lasted about two weeks or less, because I just couldn't stand it.

Reason why I'm confused as to whether I'm asexual or not, is because I still have a sexual drive (could it be called that?). But the only thing that really interests me, and makes me want to participate in it at all, is giving my partner pleasure, rather than myself. Honestly, I'd really kind of prefer it if they don't touch me at all (is that considered as asexual or sexual???).

And like I said, I'm aromantic, I can't even imagine myself in a proper, emotionally-attached relationship without feeling completely put off, which makes me a bit sad to think I might not be able to have a life partner because of it. Now, I can tell when someone is physically attractive or not, but despite how attractive someone (celebrities, models, the 'hot' guys in clubs or on the streets) might be, I'm just not attracted to them. It's more of a "Yeah, I can see why others' would be attracted to them" in the same way I think "Hey, that's a cool-looking building"; but I wouldn't mind just sex if they asked and they're a nice enough person that I wouldn't mind making them happy (albeit just through sex). Honestly, I'm starting to think maybe I'm just a slut (pardon the language) who's only okay with guys not emotionally-attracted to me.

I'm in my early twenties now, but I've noticed my lack of attraction to people for probably a little under a decade now. I've always just thought it might be a phase or maybe my expectations are too high or something, which is why I'd agree to try a relationship every now and then, but after nearly a decade of it, I started thinking otherwise (lol, a tad slow on the uptake obviously). So really, I can't even put my relief into words at the moment, to know that 'no, it's not just me' and there's this whole community out here.

I chose to join here and not AVEN, mostly due to the atmosphere; It's very open. I took a look at some of the topics and replies going on over there and I didn't feel like I'd be able to openly say my opinion honestly, since most of the members over there seemed very pro-romantic and equally against the idea of sex.
And seeing as how I only just found out forums like these existed, with people who would be able to relate, I didn't really want to be shunned right off the bat for asking all sorts of questions and saying all sorts of things.
As demonstrated already by this intro, lol.

Anyhow, aside from that I'm a female studying computer science, interested in most things ranging from cars to manga to cute animal videos on YouTube. Hopefully, my intro hasn't been too full on, and I look forward to popping up here and there and foruming with everyone! :)

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Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: Hello from a Confused Newbie

Postby Dargon » Mon Jan 30, 2012 3:38 pm

Hello and welcome.

Let me say I can relate quite a bit to what you have to say. Romance is something I don't get (though my views on the subject are quite outside the norm), and in the simplest terms, a normal, monogamous, romantic relationship is not something I want.

Sex, I am much the same. I am speaking from theory and not practice here, but the concept of pleasuring another I quite enjoy. The notion of the favor being returned, not so much (though I think I could enjoy it assuming my partner was enjoying it; the pleasure would come more from their enjoyment rather than the sensations).

Does that count as asexual? I don't know. Honestly, I don't use the word to describe myself (though depending on how you look at it, I could still fit under the definition). That being said, while useful, labels do have their problems, and labels on sexuality try to fit a very complex subject into nice little boxes. For many people, these work, for others, they don't. I've simply dropped labeling my sexuality and opt to describe it as it is, since that's just easier for me.

In the end, it is up to you to decide whether the label fits. If it does, great, if not, well, so long as you understand and are comfortable with yourself (and it sounds like you have a pretty good grasp), then that is what matters.

Also, here's to my fellow computer science major.

I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

mizx
New Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 7:02 am

Re: Hello from a Confused Newbie

Postby mizx » Tue Jan 31, 2012 3:57 am

Thanks for the welcome and the words of wisdom, both are a great relief to me, lol :)

And cheers to fellow computer science-ers!!