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Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Sun Jan 25, 2015 1:37 am
by PiF
For most of us our relationships would have been with sexuals.

At what point did you inform, if you did at all, your partner of your asexuality? Bearing in mind asexuality is just one thing and not the menu list some often push did asexuality itself play a part in that relationship on the good and the bad?

Re: Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 11:46 am
by KAGU143
I'm not sure if it played a role or not, but it probably did. My early relationships were a LOOoooong time ago. I know that I had already been referring to myself as asexual before I ever entered into a serious relationship, but at the time I really thought that I was broken or defective in some way and that I should just have sex and get it over with. I thought that I was probably worrying about it too much and that it would be fine once I got used to it. So, that's what I did.

'Gave it the good ol' college try, as they say, but .... meh.

Apparently, being willing isn't enough. You also have to act like you're really enjoying every bit of it, and I'm:
1) not that good of an actor, and
2) not willing to intentionally deceive someone I care about.

I had already given up on serious relationships by the time I was 20. The soul-crushing pain of that first breakup was enough to convince me that it wasn't worth it. Because, ya know ... I was pretty sure that I was the only asexual in the whole world.

Re: Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 7:24 am
by PiF
It never ceases to amaze me just how many confuse what asexuality is. I am a flirt, love flirting, it is an inner confidence thing and it is possible to flirt with someone just for a giggle as long as it is mutually appreciated...However as soon as it starts to go along the lines of sexual innuendo and possible swapping of bodily fluids it's at that stage I tend to declare my asexuality.

Lets not confuse that though, asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and nothing else, I can have sex if I choose too, when I have it has not been for my own pleasure but it has given me some happiness knowing someone I have a connection with is made happy by my gurning face during the ryhtmic mumba.

It has on some occasions confused others when I say I lack sexual attraction to others as they have taken it, no matter how well I have explained it...they have taken it is I am just doing it as pity sex or I don't fancy them...which has not been the case on most events. It is possible to fancy the person whilst not being sexually attracted too them.

Asexxals problem it seems to me of late, try and make asexuality something it isn't along with millions of variables and you can then understand why a possible partner is thinking...why don't they just be honest and say they don't fancy me?

As to my relationships..most partners have appreciated with a choice of a cup of tea or a shag..I would choose tea but being sex positive and within a relationship being able to compromise... if they are in the mood and I am not in an grumpy mood ( I am not grumpy all the time...honest} then yeah why not...I'll have them calling out any diety they wish

Asexuality within a relationship is just one very small's the other multiple parts of compromise that have decided wether it works or not but being open at the very earliest stage is a must...imagine how you would feel if they withheld something from you at the beginning that was an important part of of any relationship?

Re: Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 3:10 pm
by FlyingGirl
I have given up trying to have intimate relationships. There were a few brief once where it got to the point that I realized i don't want/like being touched in general, and feel very apathetic about the whole concept of sex and I guess I didn't communicate what I meant very well...basically it all ended in a clusterf***k.

since then, i didn't really want to enter any relationships, which seemed to me doomed to fail from the start. I have a few very good, close friends, and these are the relationships i cherish.

I do miss cuddling though. really, the only thing a really, really miss.

Re: Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:32 pm
by Tanwen
The cuddling is a big miss, I agree. Sometimes you just want a reassuring hug.

Re: Question for asexuals who have/had relations with sexuals

Posted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 11:28 pm
by PiF
I do miss tactile touches and re-assuring glances, but yes the occasional " everything will be okay " hug also