It's not you ...it's me

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PiF
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Joined: 14 Nov 2011, 22:47

It's not you ...it's me

Postby PiF » 10 Aug 2015, 02:18

It's not you...it's me

The oldest term to say I want you to f*ck off ... or I want to leave this relationship and in most cases it explains one side wanting to end a relationship.

But in an asexuals case this might simply not be the case..in an asexuals case it really could be..it's not you, it's me

Most asexual people who have a partnership,relationship or marriage it seems, are more likely to be with a sexual person than an asexual

Now...if you have been lucky and been honest..the person will know that you are asexual because you have told them so as the relationship progressed and you cross certian bridges together as the relatuionship grows and expands......If you are unlucky then your partner would not know because it was unlikely you knew either and only found out later in life and in the relationship

At this point i do need to remind some that asexuality is simply the lack of attraction..it is not low libido, sexually repulsed, sex positive, social anxiety complex or depression..it has absolutely nothing to do with the act of sex at all...beyond the definition..everything else is singular to that individual asexual..singular.

So some asexuals will be sex positive, some will be sexually repulsed etc etc ..you get the drift so that is why I feel to say asexuality causes problems within a relationship personally, is a false one...asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction and nothing more...each individual asexual will have different standards for whatever reason..in regards to relationships and sex, comprimises or at least each others expectations and possiblilities are explored

One of the hardest things to explain..when you do not know you are asexual but know there is nothing in the "sexual attraction box"..is to explain to a sexual partner is ..it's not you it's me. A sexual partners mind can be either going into overdrive as to why you do not sexually fancy them or it can be switched off thinking you are nothing other than a cold fish..or both at the same time

Asexuals here need to be more understanding..we cannot simply say "respect my differences and you must accept it"..that is not a relationship..that is a sub dom relationship. One where the asexual is the dominant..and they state ..if you loved me you would understand and respect that..you then have to ask...what about the sexuals need for love and understanding??? wouldn't a better approach be..this is what I think I am and this is how it works with me...how do things work for you and can we seek a compromise?

Many asexuals do compromise but the key here is if you believe the 99% sexual figure..then sexual attraction is the norm and not having it is not..so we as asexuals need to work a little bit harder and a little bit smarter in understanding our sexual partners

For a sexual partner, not knowing why they feel unloved by you through sexual attraction must be soul destroying if they do not know what is going on..we need to be more understanding of their needs and emotions when explaining how we feel we are and how that works/doesn't work for us

Any asexual who demands of a partner, this is who I am and you must fit in with me....does not want a partner, they want a dog

An asexual who communicates well within a partnership and also respects their sexual partners emotions and understandings will have a better chance of being understood themselves

Remember a partnership isn't you versus them..it should be you two versus everyone else...sexual or asexual

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