A few days ago I was googling about asexuality and whether it was possible to "become" asexual, turns out it isn't in most circumstances but I remember earlier in the year I believe, at least to some extent, that I lost all attraction to girls for about a week and was wondering if there was a way to stay like that in the long term, I won't go into reasons as to why I wanted to become asexual as it's even messier and it steers away from the actual purpose of me writing this post but I was kinda desperate at the time involving my perception of life mixed with a little depression.
So my curiosity lead me to find out that there is a very broad meaning of asexuality, and in the basic meaning of the word, it simply means "no sexual attraction to anyone". Now I'm old enough to know that I'm not simply asexual, there are different terms which branch off and it's all dependent of which situations you do/don't feel attraction, so I think I am a greysexual because of that. But that's only a small part of my post as the bigger issue I have is the aromance part.
To be an aromantic is to not have a romantic attraction to anyone. Now again, I am not totally sure if I am or aren't an aromantic. I believe this because I have thought back at all the girls I have been attracted to in the past and comparing how I felt about them with how I feel about friends in general, and to be honest, I couldn't come up with many differences in feelings. I was trying to think of what makes them different to each other and I couldn't really find out what they were :unsure: this made me feel, only slightly worried but mostly confused and looked further for answers. I came across the term "quoiromantic" which means " people who cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore are not sure if they experience it, experience attraction somewhere between romantic and platonic, or want to be in a queerplatonic relationship." I could also be a queerplatonic, I mean, I haven't felt (what I thought was) romantic or sexual feelings towards guys etc. (does this mean anything concerning labelling myself, idk). But then I could also be alterous. Someone who defines themselves as alterous made this post which I also feel I relate to:
Well, it doesn't really matter which word to label myself as, I don't see myself saying to everyone I meet "oh I'm a heterogreysexual quoiromantic" etc. (I'll just say I'm straight unless something develops, which I'll explain in a bit) But terms do help in terms of me finding out how to approach life and maybe finding people like me to help answer questions etc.alterous attraction is a sort of gray area between platonic and romantic attraction. It's defined as "described as wanting emotional closeness without necessarily being (at all or entirely) platonic &/or romantic". You can have a romantic or platonic orientation and be alterous. For example, I'm grey-romantic but pan-alterous.
For me, being alterous means that when I meet someone new, I don't necessarily have the "oh you're cool, let's be friends" reaction. It's more of a "oh wow, I feel this super cool emotional connection with you, can I get to know you more and make that stronger?". All of my friendships are really emotions-based and deeper in a lot of ways than typical friendships. I guess it's sort of like the emotional closeness of a romantic relationship, but with the physical aspects of a platonic one.
The idea of dating kinda terrifies me a bit, ngl, I just don't think it's "me", perhaps this could be a sign that I am one of those terms I mentioned above :thinking: I don't want my anxiety or empathy to cloud my judgement over where I fit. Perhaps I just don't have enough experience and I'm just a standard hetero, but there's no doubt I fit the definitions of quiro, alterous and queerplatonic. It could also be that I haven't found "the one" yet, but I'm not sure if that's what I'm looking for. Yeah I do like to be in my own company but there's a part of me that wouldn't mind a partner of sorts. There are couples who aren't actually "together" but do live together non-sexually/non-romantically, I guess it's like really close friends living together without the whole marriage/kids thing, perhaps that's the kind of thing that suits me, but this sort of relationship is so rare and I'm not too hopeful I'll ever meet someone like that (finding someone who relates to me is rare enough ) I just don't want to keep meeting people and thinking I'm in love when I'm not, I'm so confused lmao, ignoring these feelings is perhaps the best thing to do for both parties, but the frustration is still there.