friendship/romance question being discussed?

General discussion about relationship issues.
Omnes et Nihil
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friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby Omnes et Nihil » Tue May 20, 2008 3:00 pm

I was wondering if people knew of places other than here and AVEN where people are talking about the friendship/romance distinction-- i.e. pondering the question what's the difference between a friend and a romantic partner... in some (preferably digital) way shape or form. (I'm also posting this on AVEN.)

Specifically... Messageboards? Blogs? Podcasts? etc. Where beyond this asexual community is this an issue? If there's a url, would you be able to post it / pm it to me?

I gather that the question might come up in poly circles, but can anyone tell me where, for instance?

Responses in the next few days would be greatly appreciated...
(I'm wearing my grad-student-frantically-trying-to-finish-my-thesis hat. I would like to refer to some examples of how this question is actually something people care about, i.e. in pompous academic talk... applications of the research.)

Thanks so much.

-- Omnes et Nihil

Note: After I get through this I should have some time to check out what's been happening here in the past few months, because it was awesome the last time I had a look, and presumably still is.

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby Olivier » Tue May 20, 2008 4:07 pm

Not sure if this is useful, but it's interesting (I've only skimmed it - it starts getting interesting near the end of the first page) - basically the authors propose an intimate but nonsexual relationship as a way of being close, but not inappropriately so, to work colleagues. ... 00029.html

Also Google turned up: ... posite-Sex

which again is not exactly right, but just in case it's useful....

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby ghosts » Wed May 21, 2008 7:03 am

Awesome topic! One of my favorites. :D

I'm not really sure of too many places... Not sure of many message boards. You might want to check out Quirkyalone, and the message board there: There's also a few articles about this that I found, if you can do a search in a database. I haven't gotten to read them, but they look like they might be interesting.

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? - Rosenbury, Laura A.

Family law has long been intensely interested in certain adult intimate relationships, namely marriage and marriage-like relationships. and silent about other adult intimate relationships, namely friendship. This Article examines the effects of that focus, illustrating how it frustrates one of the goals embraced by most family law scholars over the past forty years: the achievement of gender equality, within the family and without. Part I examines the current scope of family law doctrine and scholarship, highlighting the ways in which the home is still the organizing structure for family. Despite calls for increased legal recognition of diverse families, few scholars have considered whether family law should recognize care provided outside of the home, and no scholar has considered whether family law should recognize the care provided and received by friends. Part II turns to friendship, considering the practices of people who self-identify as friends and the ways that such practices are already influenced by the law's maintenance of a divide between friendship and family. That divide amounts to state support of the types of domestic caregiving that traditionally played vital roles in maintaining state-supported patriarchy and that still largely follow gendered patterns today. Family law thereby reinforces traditional gender role expectations rather than alleviating them. Part III then explores how simultaneous legal recognition of friendship and family could lead to greater opportunities to structure life free from state-supported gender role expectations. By supporting more pluralistic personal relationships and conceptions of care, family law could transform not just friendship and marriage, but gender itself.

& maybe this one (these are both law-related):

Friends and the Law. - Leib, Ethan J.
An essay is presented on the need of formulating more laws and public policies that can help strengthen one's relationship with friends. It describes how decision makers and legislators spend time focusing on family and professional relationships while ignoring relationships involving our friends. The author claims that friendship matters to our lives, the law, and public institutions.

I have a book that kind of addresses this, but it's mostly about open relationships: Redefining Our Relationships by Wendy-O Matik.

David Jay's podcast may address this in some way, but I can't remember specifically... And maybe Asexy Beast:, but again, I'm not sure of specific blog entries.

I wish I could help you more! I get totally geeky when it comes to this topic.

Oh! You might want to talk to spin. She's mentioned some kinds of cool discussions going on in a poly community she was a part of. You might want to take a look at some poly message boards.

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby spin » Wed May 21, 2008 8:18 am

Yep, the poly community is a great place to find people open to discussion of friendship and love in nontraditional formats. might look like just a poly hookup site, but I actually found a lot of great discussion there and the people I talkd to were very interested in discussing the interconnections between love and sex, and kinds of love and romance in nonsexual relationships.

New Scientist also did a good article on polyamory a few years back (we beat 'em to it though!)

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby Nathan » Fri May 23, 2008 9:53 am

David Jay talks about it a smidge in his Asexuality 101 lecture, podcast 10-ish. The interesting bits for me were from around minutes 27-40. The example that kind of sums up the difference for me is, "If my friend moves to another city, they're probably not going to expect me to move with them....If you move to another city, your partner is expected to move with you, or perhaps to reevaluate the fact that you're in the partnership."

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby Trix » Mon Dec 08, 2008 9:54 am

I really liked this article here ... cLove.html which I found googling even before finding Aven.

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Re: friendship/romance question being discussed?

Postby Cazz333 » Mon May 04, 2009 1:40 pm

Romance implies more physical and emotional intimacy than friendship. Generally in the case of a romantic relationship, the person acts like a lover but doesn't engage with you sexually. i.e. shares the same bed with you, discusses personal information with you that you wouldn't with friends, sits closer to you than a friend would and says more intimate jokes and saying.