I'm in love with my asexual best friend

General discussion about relationship issues.
8ml8
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I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby 8ml8 » Fri Dec 24, 2010 6:06 pm

Ok, so my best friend and I have been friends for about 11 years now (we're both females btw)

I have been in love with her for about 9 of those 11 years.

She just told me this year that she was asexual (which I actually assumed for many years now)

I have never told her how I feel but for a while now I have been wanting to tell her, not because I want to pursue a relationship but because I hate keeping this from her and I feel she deserves to know such information.

I would like to know if any of you have experienced the same issue or think I should tell her. And again, I don't want to pursue a relationship with her, I know she's asexual, I don't want to change her nor do I want to ruin the friendship we do have.

I would greatly appreciate any advice on my situation.

Thanks

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Dargon
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Re: I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby Dargon » Sun Dec 26, 2010 7:58 pm

I suppose it depends on how you think your friend will react to that information. I would suspect with her being your best friend of 11 years, it would be likely that having that in the open would not change the relationship too much. That being said, there is always that risk involved, so it's really your call.

I have replied further in a PM.

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Gadfly-in-Chief
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Re: I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby Gadfly-in-Chief » Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:16 am

I've been in love with straight friends, gay friends, and a- friends, none of whom have felt the same way about me. Telling them has always been disastrous to the friendship. Not telling them has always been disastrous to the friendship. Perhaps I should have told the ones I didn't, and not told the ones I did. I don't know. Others have had better results than I have. It's always a risk.
Yes, the unexamined life is not worth living. But as a student of logic, you must realize that this does not imply that the examined life is.

Michael Smoker
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Re: I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby Michael Smoker » Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:39 am

Sorry to be off-topic, but, Gadfly, I absolutely LOVE your sig! Do you have a source for the quotation?

To the OP: You know your friend better than anyone here and are a better judge than any of us as to how she reacts to things in general. It's worth noting that she took the risk of coming out to you as asexual, which can be emotionally difficult for an ace to do. Obviously she thought you could be trusted to react properly. Now you have to decide whether you can trust her the same way. And, sadly, that's something only you can decide.

BTW, some asexuals can and sometimes do have romantic relationships that don't involve sex. If your friend is well-informed, she should be aware of whether she is romantic or aromantic. I don't know whether exploring that question would make you feel more comfortable about telling her how you feel.

Michael

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Dargon
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Re: I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby Dargon » Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:04 pm

Off topic: Gadfly! What's up? Long time no see!

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Gadfly-in-Chief
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Re: I'm in love with my asexual best friend

Postby Gadfly-in-Chief » Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:30 pm

MS: I'm going to claim that I am the source of that signature, though I'd be surprised if no one else ever penned a similar thought. It was something that occurred to me when studying ancient philosophy way back in 1974.

Dargon: Yeah, I know. Thought I'd pop in and see what's been going on.
Yes, the unexamined life is not worth living. But as a student of logic, you must realize that this does not imply that the examined life is.