online contact and the uglies

General discussion about relationship issues.
Michael Smoker
Established Member
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Dec 2010, 09:18

online contact and the uglies

Postby Michael Smoker » 16 Jan 2011, 02:32

I just had an ugly incident yesterday.

One of my online contacts was someone with whom I had skype video chatted frequently, and we had shared confidences and sent money back and forth when each of us needed it. Despite the fact that we've never met in person, I considered her a friend.

Yesterday, in an email, she implied that I was not part of her "real" life. Which currently, according to her, consists of getting up in the morning, going to work at a job she hates, then coming home to eat her only meal of the day, sometimes chatting with me, and either going to bed early or watching a movie. Apart from me she's totally isolated. In our most recent conversation she used the phrase "computer vegetable" and boasted of someday having a "real life."

This makes me wonder whether she values contact with me at all, or whether she's just using me.

But aside from that, I have to wonder whether part of what she's saying isn't correct. How much of a friend _can_ someone be if you've never met them in person?

On that non-personal issue, what do people think?

Michael

Roy
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Posts: 47
Joined: 23 Nov 2009, 21:22

Re: online contact and the uglies

Postby Roy » 19 Jan 2011, 15:28

Michael Smoker wrote:This makes me wonder whether she values contact with me at all, or whether she's just using me.

Obviously. I do not know anything about the specifics of your relationship, but in these cases of online friendships most often it is one or both persons using one another as a form of romantic escapism wherein the superficial personality shell of what you see of someone online is bloated and prettied up in your own eyes to fit exactly what you want, not what is actually there.

Now, you can interpret her gesture in two ways:

A) She's saying that she doesn't value you at all since you're not part of her "real life" and she really is just using you to escape from her dull, depressing life

B) She values you as a trusted friend but mourns the fact that you're not part of her "real life" and is expressing a wish for you both to meet in person to break the monotomy of her dull, depressing life

From the fragments of information you have given, I would surmise it's most likely the latter. Don't get me wrong, she's still using you, but she probably doesn't realise it. This is what I like to call the "Prince syndrome". When a woman meets a man that she takes a liking to, whether it be online or elsewhere, she looks at him through (Briar) Rose-tinted glasses and sees her Prince in shining armour come to rescue her from X. But O cruel fate, wedged between you is a distance unsurmountable. "Fear not!" says the Prince, "My love and devotion to thee cannae a distance keep tamed". And so in he rides on his white horse, carrying her off into the sunset and slaying all her dragons with his enchanted sword.

SlightlyMetaphysical
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Posts: 31
Joined: 27 Apr 2010, 06:46

Re: online contact and the uglies

Postby SlightlyMetaphysical » 20 Jan 2011, 06:05

I think that someone can be a very close friend even if you've not met them in person. However, I think it's natural to categorise 'real life' and 'internet'. Depending on context, it may well not mean that 'real life' is better or more meaningful than 'internet', just more corporial.

Michael Smoker
Established Member
Posts: 96
Joined: 27 Dec 2010, 09:18

Re: online contact and the uglies

Postby Michael Smoker » 21 Jan 2011, 07:54

Hi, Roy,

I made it clear to this person from when we first met about five years ago that I am NOT a romantic relationship prospect. In fact, I can't ever remember her even suggesting, however vaguely, that she would be romantically interested in me. But your explanation could very well apply to many situations, which is why male psychopaths so often find the internet fertile ground for seeking out victims.

SM,

I find that the corporeal often offers opportunity for distraction. Long-distance contact has always struck me as more immediate and in-depth. Of course, if I related to people through their pheromones the way that most of the world's population does, I might not feel that way.

Michael


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