forbidden by dad????

General discussion about relationship issues.
michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:21 am

I know a woman who is an aromantic ace, just like me. Because of mental problems she collects disability and lives with her parents despite being 38. She bought an ace ring and started wearing it, but has lately had to take it off because of vociferous opposition from her father. He feels she doesn't need to "flaunt" her asexuality or "rub his face in it."

Although her situation is likely rare among adults, I can sympathize with financially dependent teenagers who face a similar situation. I'd like to say that I wouldn't put up with that kind of thing for a second, but then, I'm not financially dependent on birth relatives, so who knows?

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1261
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby KAGU143 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 8:34 am

'Sounds like she might have inherited those mental problems from her dad?
*meow*
(temporary attack of cattiness)
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

User avatar
Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby Dargon » Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:21 am

The cattiness seems well warranted, Greybird.

The whole "flanting your sexuality" thing is something that has always blown my mind. I especially love it when dads follow "don't flaunt your nonheteronormative sexuality" with "your mother and I."

Remember kids, any displays whatsoever of nonheternormativity is "flaunting" it.

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:02 am

Her dad actually has muscular dystrophy and is pretty much confined to a chair. (Not a wheelchair, but he spends 99.9% of his waking hours sitting down at home.) So I guess I should give the guy a break. But Dargon has it absolutely right. My word for these kinds of limited human beings who put all of their eggs in the basket of reproduction is "breeders." On childlessness support fora, I've seen them called much worse.

User avatar
Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby Dargon » Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:04 pm

At risk of sounding rude, muscular dystrophy may be cause for some slack, but it's not a free pass to be an asshole. I've seen that more than a few times, people cut slack to disabled people's attitude problems, and I've even seen the disabled get all offended when you call them on their bullshit rather than giving them a pass. Some people just take advantage of everything they can. Not saying all disabled people are like this, but I've seen it more than a few times.

I've also heard the term "breeder" before, generally in the case of those who can accept nothing aside from a "normal," heterosexual, monogamous relationship with the eventual goal to bring up children. I tend to opt for the slightly less specific yet still apt descriptor of "assholes."

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Tue Apr 19, 2011 3:00 am

Dargon wrote:I tend to opt for the slightly less specific yet still apt descriptor of "assholes."


:)

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Sun Apr 24, 2011 2:45 pm

disjointed wrote:it may also be that the father is so afraid of her leaving to be with a partner that he maybe alone


Not sure I understand. If she "flaunts her asexuality" then she's actively discouraging potential partners. Wouldn't that make him feel more secure about her not leaving?

User avatar
Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby Dargon » Sun Apr 24, 2011 7:59 pm

michaels wrote:If she "flaunts her asexuality" then she's actively discouraging potential partners. Wouldn't that make him feel more secure about her not leaving?


Not 100% true. She might discourage those that are highly sexual, but at the same time being out also ups the likelihood of finding yet another romantic asexual, wherein thing may have a pretty good chance of working out.

If she's not out, odds are better for the subject of sexuality to come up later in the relationship, leading to time wasted on relationships that would have never worked out in that sense.

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Mon Apr 25, 2011 9:35 am

Dargon, she's _a_romantic. Does that make a difference?

User avatar
Dargon
Mega Member
Posts: 516
Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:34 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby Dargon » Mon Apr 25, 2011 11:04 am

In that case either way is rather irrelevant. If she isn't interested in relationships, then it probably isn't going to happen either way.

Though if it is out on the table at the get go, roommate sort of relationships are a lot easier to get, and paying half of the rent is a lot nicer than the whole rent.

clouded_perception
New Member
Posts: 29
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:01 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby clouded_perception » Sat Apr 30, 2011 8:11 am

Can't she just take the ring off when she enters the house? He needn't know she wears it.

rizvi777
New Member
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:16 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby rizvi777 » Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:22 pm

Why would her dad do that? What's wrong with wearing an ace ring anyway?

michaels
Super Member
Posts: 251
Joined: Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 am

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby michaels » Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:07 am

She hasn't mentioned the ace ring in several months. I rarely wear mine myself, simply because I forget to put it on. Disjointed has a point, in that being ace doesn't need to be high-profile if you're not being hassled about your orientation.

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1261
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: forbidden by dad????

Postby KAGU143 » Tue Aug 02, 2011 6:49 am

(Just FYI to our "real" members: I'm 99.999% certain that rizvi777 is one of the new generation of spammers who leave a single, innofensive post or two in a forum in order to escape being banned immediately. I wonder if this might be how some of those "earn money online" scams actually work? In any case, I have decided to experiment with a new strategy to deal with these spammers, which is to remove all links from their profiles and signatures. Let's see what happens!)
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.