The night we met

General discussion about relationship issues.
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spin
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The night we met

Postby spin » Sun Feb 10, 2008 6:39 pm

We've got a fair number of people here who are in romantic (or whatever term you prefer) relationships. People of all kinds of orientations are constantly asking how to meet someone, and asexual folk are no exception. Plus, heck, some of us just like a mushy (or funny) story.

So, how did you and your partner meet?

Karl
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Re: The night we met

Postby Karl » Sun Feb 10, 2008 7:06 pm

The short version: Through AVEN. ;)

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spin
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Re: The night we met

Postby spin » Sun Feb 10, 2008 7:09 pm

Long version! Long version! . . .medium-length version?

When I get some more replies, I'll write up mine.

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Olivier
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Re: The night we met

Postby Olivier » Sun Feb 10, 2008 10:28 pm

The day I met my wife was pretty uneventful – we met as part of a group of friends of friends at the start of a new university year. Apart from thinking that she was gorgeous, interesting and definitely worth getting to know better (and apparently that was mutual :)) not a lot happened. By the time we met again, she was going out with a guy I knew. So a bit of a fizzer, really.

But the night we became a couple – now that has a story...

By now it was nearly two years since we met, during which time we saw each other fairly frequently a part of a wider circle of friends. Her relationship with my friend had just ended, and I had pursued a long-distance infatuation which was going really well until I ended an otherwise successful visit to her city in bed with her sister (now that is a sure way to kill a relationship. Stone. Dead. :) It sounds awful, but honestly: it was complicated :oops:)

So we're both single again, and hanging out together, and sort of inching towards a relationship. I'm taking it slowly because I want to make sure my friend doesn't think I'm moving in too quickly on his ex, and she's taking it slowly because she's not sure I'm over my crush. We're almost at the stage of admitting we're in a relationship when I'm scheduled to go on a five week holiday. It's a big uni event, and my ex-crush (and her sister!) will be there. We decide that it's better not to start a relationship just days before I go away, and to just see what happens when I get back. Secretly, my wife was pretty confident that I'd miss her terribly, and once I got back our relationship would take off. I wasn't so sure – I still needed to convince myself that my last relationship was really over – maybe my crush blamed the whole disaster of the last time we'd met on her sister (like I did :P) – and we'd give it a second try. Well... that didn't happen (surprised, anyone?) but my ex-crush was very friendly, we hung out a lot, and she set me up for a holiday fling with her best friend. That went down well back at home :roll:

My wife told me when I returned that while we'd agreed we weren't a couple yet, she still thought that me working out my feelings for my ex-crush was the only thing standing between us. Having a fling with someone completely different felt like I had cheated on her, and so before we even really started going out, she dumped me :shock:. Meanwhile, my fling had actually felt all wrong to me, and made me more sure than ever that it was my wife I wanted to be with. Nevertheless, I thought I'd blown it. So imagine my surprise when at the end of a party we were both at a few weeks later, my wife drags me off to bed for sex. I was confused, but I wasn't complaining.

Still, things were pretty awkward between us. We'd broken up before we started going out, and then we'd slept with each other despite having broken up. About a week later, my wife invited me over to her place. Things were settling down and I was sure that we'd sort things out that night. We chatted politely over dinner with her parents and her brother, and then she asked me to come for a walk to the park down the street. Yes, I thought, despite everything, this would be the beginning of the real relationship. :) So we sit down on a park bench and... she tells me that she thinks it would be better if we never saw each other again. :shock: Three hours and many tears later, we agreed that actually what we both wanted was to be together, and we'd just forget about how we'd gotten to the point we were at, and start our real relationship there and then.

At the end of this month, that will be exactly eighteen years ago! :D
Last edited by Olivier on Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Emmarainbow
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Re: The night we met

Postby Emmarainbow » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:29 am

Nearest thing I had to a relationship, I met her when I was at one of the most sickeningly drunken I've ever been. I went with a mutual friend to her house, sat on the floor of her kitchen and she threw grapes at me while my friend gave me bread and water. As I left I waved goodbye to her flatmates and fell into a gorse bush, grabbing the poor sober guy I was with for support and dragging him in after me...

Way to go first impressions.

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Noskcaj.Llahsram
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Re: The night we met

Postby Noskcaj.Llahsram » Mon Feb 11, 2008 8:16 pm

Olivier wrote:I ended an otherwise successful visit to her city in bed with her sister (now that is a sure way to kill a relationship. Stone. Dead. :) It sounds awful, but honestly: it was complicated :oops:)

If I had a dollar for every time I've ended up in the bedfor every time I've ended up in the bed of the sister of the girl I'm trying to pursue, I'd have two bucks now; shame I'm interested in the wrong sister, but damn she has a great sense of humour.
What is love? Well, you know that feeling you get when you've been locked in a tiny dark space alone for a year? It's kind of the opposite of that.

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spin
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Re: The night we met

Postby spin » Tue Feb 12, 2008 9:50 am

Wow, Olivier. That's quite a story!
Emmarainbow, too. Apparently she didn't think too badly of you, though.

Mine's not actually about when we first met either, that's just what I always see or hear people asking about.

We met with a hug as I left a mutual friend's party, and the first six or so months we were acquainted, we literally knew each other in passing, crossing paths at dances and parties. One of us would generally arrive as the other left, but sometimes we managed to get a dance in. Then after a few months he said he'd gotten rather attached to me, which was news to me since I hardly felt we knew each other. I talked about asexuality, and he made it clear he'd like to spent time with me regardless, and he'd rather agree to no sex than not get anything. I wasn't sure about this whole liking me so much business, but I really trusted him and I was tempted by the idea of a new cuddlebuddy, so I thought I'd spend some time with him and see where it went.

We didn't manage to get that time for another month or so, when I went home with him one night. We cuddled and talked in bed all night and most of the next day, sleeping on and off, and I felt so drowned in affection. We were both pretty surprised that I ended up kissing him sometime in the middle of it. It's been taking us a while to decide what we are, but it started with that "first date" when we slept and cuddled together.

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Olivier
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Re: The night we met

Postby Olivier » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:33 pm

spin wrote:Wow, Olivier. That's quite a story!

We still celebrate that night she told me she never wanted to see me again as our anniversary, rather than our wedding anniversary, too, unless the wedding anniversary is something like the 10th. Better than looking back at dinner and a movie, if you ask me :)

And your first night together sounds so familiar. We had one of those too - but it was the night we decided that we couldn't start a relationship two days before I went away with my ex-crush. We should have just started things then - it would have made the next few months soooo much easier :)

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Placebo
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Re: The night we met

Postby Placebo » Sat Feb 16, 2008 2:26 pm

Mmmph.

Well.

We work together, have for over a year now. And probably we've been flirting and teasing back and forth for quite a bit of that time, but I didn't want to scare anyone away with the asexuality thing, I knew that it would never work out.

But then. . . I invited him over one night to play games, he seemed lonely. And he came over.

And somehow it became a weekly thing.

And then we started cooking dinner together and playing games.

And then we started snuggling on the couch and cooking dinner and playing games.

And then it got progressively more intimate after that.

However, we just went on our first official "date" this weekend.

Our coworkers are still not directly aware of the situation, but I like to keep it that way while we work out what we are and how we relate to one another.
"Now it's right for me to be me."

Phil Halvorsen, from "The [Widget], the [Wadget], and Boff" (Theodore Sturgeon)