My mothers throwing a party

General discussion about relationship issues.
User avatar
Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 693
Joined: 22 Jul 2013, 11:48

My mothers throwing a party

Postby Ciri » 26 Jul 2013, 13:55

Doing this in two posts cause mobile posting sucks.

I kept this one tight lipped for a few months. I actually planned on telling aven first to figure yout what my parents reactions would be but I got bored and told my mum and she got all excited and told my.dad. I figured out I'm aro (why that requires celebrating is beyond me, perhaps its more the length of time it took to tell since my mother already knew. Somehow.)

Anywqy, this discovety has been absolute torture for me. It all started when I told my ex I love him like I love my friends. I couldn't figure out why he got so upset, I mean out of all my friends I chose him to call 'mine'. It was baffling how he expected me to be comfortable doing all these strange romantic things that didn't come natural at all. I got the hang of cuddles! But I give everyone cuddles anyway.

I guess the most difficult part was understanding my feelings. My "crushes" and lovey dovey feelings felt so much like my feelings for my little brother that I just thought I must be some kind of incestuous sicko. It's effected my relationship with my brother, although I'm his carer we aren't as close as we used to be. I withdrew from him emotionally, I do regret that. Did I get the urge to make out with him or cuddle him in a romantic way? No. But it was definitely confusing. Like I WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU AND WE CAN SNUGGLE OVER A FILM BUT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE LIKE THAT OF MY FAMILY. Harhar.



There should be a guidebook for this type of thing. Why are there so many types of feels and why don't I
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 693
Joined: 22 Jul 2013, 11:48

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby Ciri » 26 Jul 2013, 13:57

feel them all? The asexual thing was a weird enough discovery without being in denial over this too. Then I thought I was a sociopath or had some other issue. But now Im facing the reality that im just like the 15 year olds I've been complaining about. Worse I'm like my Dad, hes aro, I had to get him to describe his feelings -.- denial turns me into more of a self loather than usual. Parents kept asking why I felt so bad, I guess it could have been solved with a chat.

I don't want to be crazy snake lady when I'm older, I want a housemate who shows random signs of affection and will never leave me. or a puppy, puppies are affectionate.

How is that for irony. I swear I'm not crazy or an incestuous freak, just an aro out of denial.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 693
Joined: 22 Jul 2013, 11:48

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby Ciri » 26 Jul 2013, 14:23

And it's scary. Really scary knowing I'll probably never feel an attraction others feel. At least I don't have to pretend anymore I guess. But I still dunno what to do or feel cause a year and a half of denial and entering relationships insisting I'm demi and thinking hey I'll feel that way one day.

I feel kind of panicky .-.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 693
Joined: 22 Jul 2013, 11:48

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby Ciri » 26 Jul 2013, 14:23

And it's scary. Really scary knowing I'll probably never feel an attraction others feel. At least I don't have to pretend anymore I guess. But I still dunno what to do or feel cause a year and a half of denial and entering relationships insisting I'm demi and thinking hey I'll feel that way one day.

I feel kind of panicky .-.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
jmb
Established Member
Posts: 89
Joined: 11 Jul 2013, 23:42

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby jmb » 26 Jul 2013, 14:27

Congrats on sorting it out!

I'm Aro as well. I remember my first "real" boyfriend asking me if I loved him (Not that he said it to me - anyway), and my reply was "As much as anyone; but I choose to spend time with you."

Like you, I couldn't figure out why this wasn't the response he wanted. (Granted it wasn't until about 10 years later that I stopped being in denial over my nonsexual orientation, but that's another story.) I have never qualified my relationships like others. In grade school, all the kids would always pressure me into naming who was my best friend, and I would say "you all are." I didn't understand ranking people (still don't). (That may or may not have anything to do with being Aro - I've always been weird like that. :/ ) But, I knew/accepted that I was aro very early on. I guess, it was 'acceptable' to be non-romantic, but the idea of not being into sex was not acceptable, so I just didn't think about it until later.

Basically, your story isn't unusual or weird.

Again, congrats on getting it sorted :)
"He won't be your assistant" - Greg Lestrade
"But I need an audience" - What Sherlock Holmes meant to say.

Michael

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby Michael » 26 Jul 2013, 14:32

Discovery? Surely you already knew you were asexual since, like your whole life?

User avatar
jmb
Established Member
Posts: 89
Joined: 11 Jul 2013, 23:42

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby jmb » 26 Jul 2013, 14:50

OOPS! Didn't see your last post before I posted my reply :(

Like asexual: aromantic doesn't mean you lack the capacity or capability to enter into a deep, meaningful, intimate relationship with another person(s).

It's not the main force or drive behind why I enter into relationships, though. Any more, when people ask me about my relationship status, I say "Happily single." And they nod and say "Better than being unhappily married." When I was younger (in college), I never understood the "Stop looking and you'll find it." Sort of comments. Because I NEVER looked for it and back then, I thought it'd be 'kind of nice to have' but I didn't get it. (I suppose others probably knew I was Ace even though that concept didn't exist back then.) Now, I only think about the fact that I'm alone: 1) when other people bring it up. 2) when I'm sick and I think "there's no one to bring me a glass of water." 3) when I have a really great/really horrible day and I think 'there's no one to share it with. and 4) There's no one to share the household duties with.

But I don't really think about it that much. Mostly what I look for is someone (anyone) who will accept me for who I am and all my quirks and faults. I have a few people in my life like that, and really that's enough for me.
"He won't be your assistant" - Greg Lestrade
"But I need an audience" - What Sherlock Holmes meant to say.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: 14 Nov 2011, 22:47

Re: My mothers throwing a party

Postby PiF » 27 Jul 2013, 12:36

My ex ex partner calls me her best non gay gay friend, there are no pleasing some people :lol:

enjoy the party


Return to “Relationships”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest