Fruit Wars Return!

[PiF]

But I secretely put laxatives in those very same grapefruit

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Good one. Actually, there was nothing wrong with my grapefruit or Doctor Ledin's as my seventh sense detected something was amiss so I charmed them.

Uncle Manf prefers to eat his own produce so he was unaffected.

For that brilliant move, you are excused punishment duties.

Now take that! (throws a volley of watermelons).

[Tanwen]

Loads a load of cashews - double whammy...nuts will take your eye out and flesh will make you slip

*This one looks pretty mad too

*

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Cashews are actually nuts! Save them for the Nut Wars in April.

[Skycaptain]

Yikes, I nearly missed this

arrives late on the fray launching pomegranate grenades

[PiF]

Puts dragon fruit in everyone's shoes, now dance you fruit dance

[Tanwen]

Grabs a load of hazelnuts and throws them on the forum floor to watch people slide andfall over

How is this different to cashews???

[PiF]

Coz hazelnuts are a fruit

http://www.thefruitpages.com/nuts.shtml

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Nuts are actually the fruits of various trees such as hazelnuts being the fruit of hazel trees. But fruit in the Wars is defined as being such as apples, lemons, oranges and similar. Uncle Manfred is 143 years old and very pedantic and traditionalist. But the talk of nuts has created the Nut Wars in April which will let you throw nuts to your heart's content.

Have some guavas as a parting shot!

Fruit Wars now over for another year. Thank you all very much for coming.

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

They will, Donna, but next year. There is are specific seasons for each war. This is to give the factions breathing space and time to arm themselves.

[KAGU143]

I have a nagging feeling that Donna might be a spammer. I'm not taking any action at this point because I'm not 100% sure, but I have some serious doubts about the validity of her account.

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Listen up, you Freds!

Ultra special Fruit Wars beginning next Saturday (25th). Ultra special because that date is Doctor Ledin's 65th birthday. Auntie Brin is coming over specially from America. And you can bet the good Doctor has something lined up for y'all.

Be there with your fruits and remember the rules!

[KAGU143]

I can't wait!
As an American, I really look forward to smashing a wide variety of orange things.

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

You'll get more than your chance, Nancy. I need to show my lung disease who's Chief around here!

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Right, you Freds, Fruit Wars are BACK!

Tomas is 65 today and Great Uncle Manfred is 144. To celebrate, have a barrage of kumquats on me!

*throws kumquats*

[KAGU143]

I will match your kumquats and raise you by 150 loquats launched from a catapult.
They are seedy and orange, so they shall be squished!

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

I'm still completely stoned from the booze at the party, especially as Tomas kept spiking my already strong drink with obsidian and baínneflower extract (bloody lethal!).

But not too stoned to give you this! (fires a load of rambutans).

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

The celebrations were great! Doctor Magnificat was dancing with Auntie Brin.

Have some Sharon fruit in recognition of this! (aims the Sharon fruit).

[KAGU143]

I'm going to have to find out what these odd fruits are.
I can't decide whether to launch them or eat them. That probably means that I should be thinking about dinner.
Meanwhile . . .

*carefully lines up a long row of mangoes and pokes them full of cloves*

I'm not going to say what I'm planning to do with them because they aren't finished yet. My package of durians is essential to finish this weapon, and they're lost in the mail for some reason . . . *sigh*

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Cloves! To the wall, Nancy for 15 minutes! Artificially improving them is illegal.

(throws apples and rolls a pomegranate for you to fall over)

[KAGU143]

Wha . . . what?? I didn't see anything about that in the rules.
Besides, the cloves are mostly a guide to help with assembly.

But - beware! My durians have finally arrived, slightly flattened in transit, but mostly okay.
*carefully rolls the best-looking, roundest durians over the row of be-clovened mangoes until the mangoes are evenly impaled on the durians' spines*
*attaches a Buddha Hand fruit to each fruit assembly to control them*
*nudges them into motion and then jumps back*

*waits to see what will happen, since Buddha hand fruits can be unpredictable*

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Doctor Ledin is a Buddhist but all the Enlightened Ones in the world won't stop this!

(Fires a salvo of bananas)

[KAGU143]

Ha! Bananas are too bendy to fly straight . . . I hope. *hides inside a giant pumpkin until the barrage stops*

*Rolls a box full of wood apples across the road*

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Make like Gary Barlow and take that!

(Fires a heavy volley of grapes of both colours)

[KAGU143]

Oh NO!
*frantically tries to sort the grapes by color as they approach* (damned OCD!)

*lobs a trebuchet load of Kiwi fruits while gathering up the grapes to make wine*

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Ha! Ha!

Now cop yer whack of this, to quote Billy Connolly.

(fires mangoes from an even larger trebuchet).

[KAGU143]

Harvests the specially grown squash x lychee hybrids (squeechees) and floats them across the field on a river of wine.
(That was a LOT of grapes!)

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Bloody hell, Nancy! Uncle Manfred is SO proud of you! Would you like to work for him?

Last day tomorrow so get it while you can.

But isn't squash a vegetable? Anyway, this will be overlooked as you obviously listen in Academy classes and have done well.

In keeping with the Wars, I must sock it to you with a barrage of oranges.

[KAGU143]

I thought that a fruit was the seed-bearing part of the plant, and a vegetable was anything else (leaves, stem, roots, etc.) Don't get me started on the various types of fruit, though. (Berries? Drupes? Droopy berries? HellifIknow!) Besides, I could be wrong about everything. Ya never know.

I appreciate the oranges! I've been craving citrus lately, probably thanks to this blasted winter cold . . .
*Launches a series of colored designer melons, organized according to the rainbow*
They will probably splat, but it should be pretty!

Always go out on a high note, right?

[TheGuvnorsMoll]

Exactly, which is why I will have a final fling with these carambolas (starfruit). (aims said carambolas).

And since you were the only member of this forum apart from me to join in, take the whole of next week off. The others will get detention and extra homework.