she's gone

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michaels
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she's gone

Postby michaels » Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:16 am

My mother died around 9:45 am this morning.

Michael

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KAGU143
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Re: she's gone

Postby KAGU143 » Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:02 am

Oh damn. I'm so sorry to hear that, Michael. :(
I thought she was doing somewhat better.

*hugs*

(I know that doesn't really help, but there isn't much else that can be done online.)
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

michaels
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Re: she's gone

Postby michaels » Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:12 am

Thank you, Nancy.

My father is on a nesting binge, cleaning their residence from top to bottom while leaving all of my mother's stuff in place. From time to time he cries. My brother spent the last night of her life in her hospital room, at her request, and blames himself for permitting them to undertake the endoscopy when she was in such bad shape. Me? I still haven't clued in that she's dead. I saw her and she looked like she was sleeping. Every 20 minutes or so I think to myself that I'd better go to the hospital to visit her.

I caution the hostiles not to shed crocodile tears because my patience is short right now. I'm online now only to give myself something to do.

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Dargon
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Re: she's gone

Postby Dargon » Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:09 pm

I am sorry to hear that, Micheal.

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Tanwen
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Re: she's gone

Postby Tanwen » Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:38 pm

My mum died a year ago - had a massive stroke and knew nothing from the time she collapsed...which was a good thing for her. It's hard coming to terms with a death, especially if it's sudden and we all have to find our own path. I hope your brother will stop blaming himself although I can understand why he is. My thoughts are very much with you, your mutual support will help each of you to adjust and learn to live with the absence.
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

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cuttlefish
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Re: she's gone

Postby cuttlefish » Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:00 pm

I'm sorry for your loss, michaels.
A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

michaels
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Re: she's gone

Postby michaels » Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:45 pm

Just wanted to let people know that the funeral was today. The minister seems to be a good, kind man who performed a tasteful service of just the right length and content. I'm not religious and know my mother no longer exists, but I still couldn't help having the feeling that she maintained some kind of presence on earth, approved of what happened today, and moved on to a far better place. I had been spooked by her plot and the sight of her body but the service made that feeling totally go away and put me somewhat at peace as well.

Now the family gets to move on with our lives. I'm having pretty bad anhedonia right now, but hopefully that will pass. In the past seven days I haven't cried at all but can finally accept that she's gone.

Thanks to everyone who have been supportive--and to all those who had the good taste to say nothing. I apologize to Apositive for having been away so long. Something like my usual level of activity should resume soon, although it feels like my mother's death washed a lot of the past away and many things that used to matter no longer do.

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Dargon
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Re: she's gone

Postby Dargon » Mon Nov 07, 2011 5:35 pm

It takes time to cope with these things. Some elements you move past quickly, others you never move past. You do what you have to. If that means sharing your feeling here, we'll provide a shoulder to lean on. If it involves being away for awhile, we'll be here when you get back.