Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

The place for off-topic threads, games and socializing. Stop in for a visit!
Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sun Mar 16, 2014 4:36 am

6 months for me is the same length as 3 years for everyone else.

I hope I don't get a rejection today. I'm totally ignoring everything I have to do in favour of laying on a deckchair in my back garden with a picnic and cocktails. 18 degree heat.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Wed Mar 19, 2014 1:29 am

Having now read the declassified thread re arca and particulary doppels thread/warning etc it is clear when they want..and who it is..they CAN inform the individual of relative timescales

This rather showed what I have said for some time if you read the pontificating...decisions are largely made in regards to who they are and wether they are liked and not the facts

Doppel raised a point that has been well known for years.....aven is very teenage spitefull child with revenge in mind if you do not fit the mould or raise concerns/doubts/complaints. That is why avalanche was made for some..the irony of course is that doppel was challenging sock accounts despite him knowing some mods in aven themselves have sock accounts to vent in a way they cannot do through their recognised mod account. Even more telling is that he based this on a very good knowledge of the system and it's working

This doesn't help you I know ciri but it adds I feel to your appeal in that it again certianly with informed timeline status..they apply a non consistent application.... add to that they used off site comments from you despite in doppels case continually re-affirming outside posts/comments etc cannot be used.

I don't feel you should wait 6 months as your warning was incorrectly applied, poorly sourced and personally driven. The declassified threads show what they claim are the rules ...these were not applied in your case and the again the declassified thread shows more than ever just how much decisions are based on the personality of the person to be issued rather than the facts of the situation...they should withdraw your last warning that led to a ban as more and more thier own standards and rules are/have been shown to have been incorrectly applied

I had an ex girlfriend who always used to say to me, her children and even her relatives...I will always apologise when I am wrong, where we differ is that I think I am never wrong...that explains why she is now an ex :lol:

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Fri Mar 21, 2014 8:23 pm

See, I've been reading through some of my old site comments threads and I, personally, wouldn't let me back purely based on those. Take This thread for example. The hell was I doing? O.o i completely forgot that thread existed actually, seems like a lot of pent up anger. Actually, it's scary reading that thread because I can see an absolute lack of control and have no clue what my thought process was there - jumping between two thoughts is normal for me but not this erratic. The worst part is Ithaca was right (although the condescending tone was unnecessary - I'll note that my pereception of this may be off.). I vaguely remember Lia being correct to over what she said. Reading that thread, I felt nauseous because a) I don't understand how I could get events like that so messed up. My reaction was definitely something to do with being blackmailed at that point on Tumblr with threats to reveal my (h)aven posts. Something I didn't reveal for another 2 months. b) I don't like admitting I was wrong. For some reason, my memory of those events are clearer now than they were when I made that thread. I recognise myself as that person at all, in the thread or the logs.That thread doesn't feel like mine, it feels tainted...dark. It's worrying that at any point that thread could have been locked and the conversation moved to PM.

I do disagree with the assessment that "I should have reported it". We've seen how things don't need reporting to be brought up /back there/. I've also been shown that my reports seem to be only taken seriously when they implicate me in some way. Could list but tired. Why would I trust a system like that? Especially one that got it so wrong.

Random memory: being told I was believed to be a troll partly because I seemed to wait until I was at 1 warn instead of 2 when I went apeshit in chat at creepy blackmailing stalker. They forgot to take into account that I was on a voluntary ban due to dissertation deadline so it just looked like that happened.

I was scrolling through my other site comments threats recently, actually. I discovered a lot of turtles. Turns out I replaced every one of my posts with turtle related comments and completely forgot to replace them with the original posts (I think I got distracted by the whole being suspended thing). Another thread of mine that I swore existed seemed to have mysteriously disappeared.

To summarise: I have reacted in very disturbing and intense ways. There are reasons why, frankly I don't feel like discussing them. It's still no excuse for what they did to me with regards to the banning ect.

Why does it matter?
It doesn't really. I'm not big enough of a person to admit when I've made a mistake. My memory is pretty crap, it measured as being in the bottom percentile of the general population for my age. I know I'm going to make mistakes. Unfortunately, I don't know when I've made a mistake because that requires an accurate retention of the event. Shit happens. I still remain convinced that I get banned for really weird things.

I don't believe at this stage that I would go back unless to help with wiki stuff. Why would I after being accused of bullcrap resulting in the destruction of two social groups plus a whole load of other hell for me.

A more accurate reason why I can't go to WP
This is sad actually because I was excited and looking forward to going. If you had to sit in a room for any given length of time with people who potentially lied about you, accused you of a load of rubbish and edited out vital evidence resulting in being banned from a community you felt some level of care (good for me, I'm really a stone cold b*tch), would you be able to sit there? I would honestly rather throw myself off a 4 story building onto a greenhouse then chew the broken glass. Ages ago, I said I was thinking of not going due to preconceived ideas that I'm a total wanker. I put that idea out of my mind and agreed to go. Then this stuff happened. I'll make this clear, the only way to get me anywhere near Canada during WP is for me to receive a PM from them admitting to their mistake. Literally the only way. Although I could go out of spite, get completely sloshed and tell everyone what I think of them. That could be fun. But I could do that at home. Until I get written evidence stating I didn't do the crap I'm accused of, I'm going nowhere.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Mon Mar 24, 2014 3:03 am

:D Hiya chick :D

I won't tell you bullshit Ciri okay..I think you know that

I moan a lot because I can see the damage they are doing to asexuality but you quite rightly are unhappy about a double standard they offer making out they are cleaner than clean in their actions

If you was to put as much effort into your education and future as you do into worrying about aven then you would be incredibly successfull of that I have no doubt...so ignore them...we both know aven does not like free thinkers..even more so those who can see what's going on. It frightens them

be successfull, buy the site and have a purge in the backroom...haha

beyond that...pm is probably best if you want to chat

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:39 pm

My edumacation is going pretty well. Those practise papers make the admissions exams look fairly straightforward, need to look into chemistry more though. I was crap at that in school and only have specialist neurochem knowledge ~ I don't have a clue about your bog standard stuff. The exam will mean a day trip to London in Sept and I'll probably stay in a hotel overnight so I don't have to worry about travel or food on the day (for my 3rd year uni exams, I only had a half hour trip by train and by the time I got to the venue I was more of a nervous wreck than any test could make me

...

Funnily enough, I just lost all confidence while writing like nearly all of it. So many people are applying who are in better positions that I am. I've got no doubts that I can pass, it's getting on the course that's the issue. This always happens when I want something so much. <.>

------------------
I was looking through declassifieds and definitely found some of your threads, haha. It took me a little bit to realise not every "Member 1" was you. :p Were you contacted to ask if they could declassify those threads?

I had it strongly suggested to me that my memory is so bad I had forgotten I had recruited people to breach. :p I laughed...I'm still laughing... :lol:

The best part about the threatening to sock thing is that I moved house over 2 months ago, so if I really wanted to sock, my ip has changed enough to make me unidentifiable. So if I really wanted to be a 'threat to aven', I could have created another account months ago and nobody would have known it was me >.< The thought has definitely crossed my mind, but I haven't done it because I can't be bothered.

It does make me wonder how many people have had the words: "I trust the person who gave us this evidence more than I trust you." said to them...up until this I just thought their procedures were terrible, now I just think the majority are absolute tossers.

Not worth my effort. Although it would be nice to have a bloody clue what they're talking about if it wasn't 'breach recruiting' since that's the only thing it could possibly be.

---------------
I don't want you to leave but I guess someone, somewhere is in great need of a snow ninja.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Fri Mar 28, 2014 1:02 am

No no one has asked my permission to put threads classified about me into the public domain although to be fair I have said in the past they can as I'm never embarrassed by my threads...unlike the mods/admin...I don't delete large chunks of my comments incase someone might not like them and be offended...it shows a lack in conviction of their posts when they do that, although of those declassified threads none ring familiar as mine ?

As I've said in the past, mine are unlikely to be declassified as they will show a bias and conspiracy that highlights that rules were and are applied often not on which rules were broken/if any but more on who they are dealing with.

:lol: I remember once when a mod pm'd me with a nudge, I asked WTF is a nudge? They said I was drifting close to a warn! I was like ??? So now your harrasing people who haven't broken any rules? Were was that in the tos ? I pointed out as I hadn't broken the rules they can go and shove the nudge up their arse...they genuinely did not and have not seen how they have turned from members wanting to help the community into nazi thought police running a forum like a police state :wag:

Something that does worry me... Avens backroom and integrity for me have never been likely bedfellows and I would have to question the arca running for pt thread declassification.

Who on earth thought it was a good idea to post such a thread whilst the member was still in post ?

There are plenty of threads about loads of people you could declassify but why on earth do it to an existing pt member even more so whilst they are in post? To me it looks like someone is spoiling for a fight and trying to undermine arca and bring up old wounds again... I can see no other reason for it .... Can you?

I mean the whole thing is inflamitory..boo yah says some mods look at the naughty arca...libelling her character whilst saying look at these..these prove she's durty..the proof they offer? links from a forum that doesn't exist any longer so no one can make up their own mind about the thread, the context or the individual..seems nothing more than a character assination on one of their own...not an unusual thing for avens backroom

Stupid decisions and avens back room... That is the normal partnership but as they declassify...more and more we see why they do not communicate well with members, even having doubts themselves about admod conspiracies.

They would do well to remove the arca de classification thread..if for no other reason than to NOT undermine one of their own

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sat Apr 12, 2014 7:54 pm

Nudges seem to be arbitrary. You've either broken a rule or you haven't. I never understood why alt accounts were banned, I like using them to save old PMs (I'm a hoarder).

Today I was wondering why I send in lists of socks. I think it's more because I'm sick of because accused of bullcrap ie being accused of those socks being me. People seem to have not taken the hint: I have moved house. I have a new ISP and a new IP range. If I wanted to sock, I would have done it as soon as I moved house in January. If I had a new account, why would I rant my old account being banned in public.

At first I felt anger at being accused of utter bollocks. Then I felt disappointed that people were treating me this way. Now I feel nothing. Apathy. Why should I care for the decision of those who have so much hatred for me that they would go through the trouble of manipulating evidence?

It's more than these are the people representing asexuality to the world. If decisions made in the same manner above are a regular occurrence, it casts doubt on the decisions made regarding education/visibility.

I feel as a result, I can no longer identify with the asexual community. My belief in asexuality has been shattered by the very people who claim to care about their community. A community where members are thrown to the dogs as soon as personal bias sets in. Reputations smashed to pieces because the large majority of said community believe the lies told by those at the top of the ladder...I feel a sense of irony here given not long ago, I was accused of exactly that.

I remain adamant that I did not do what everybody believes me to have done. However, if any more pressure is put on me, I would admit it just to get everyone to leave me alone. To those who have stood by me and believed everything I said after presented with evidence, I thank you for your trust. To those who have accused me or believed those accusations, I thank you for adding to the torment and pressure I have been under for the past few months when I should be accepting and dealing with the the reason I needed to sock in the first place. To those who changed the evidence against me to suit their witch hunt: I hope you realise that you are the reason asexuality is considered a joke.

Arche: Had you not said something to make me believe admods choose someone to run, it wouldn't have entered my head to suggest it.

Ith: I'm sorry. The reason they were stalking me in the first place is because I defended you. I don't regret that.

Tea: You isolated me when I was struggling to deal with grieving. I could have eventually forgiven that if you had approached me to sort it. I possibly still could.

I am tempted to attend WP just to piss people off. However, the open hostility I will most likely be subjected to will most likely end up worse for me than the passive hostility of meet ups. Meet ups I am debating abandoning as a result.

To summarise: I cannot say I am asexual given the current representation of the orientation
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sat May 03, 2014 3:24 pm

I am very confused.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1299
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby KAGU143 » Mon May 05, 2014 6:41 am

???

I think there is a lot of that going around ...
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sat May 10, 2014 3:48 am

GUESS WHO HAS AN INTERVIEW FOR A BIOMEDICAL LAB ASSISTANT JOB

YES

ME

HURRAH

I don't even care that aven rejected my appeal and haven't bothered to tell me about it yet.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sun May 11, 2014 5:54 pm

I have spent the past two weeks gathering evidence that RL pif doesn't really exist. I have enough proof to accurately suggest that pif and michael are in fact the same person, and rl pif was a dude who was hired...

...that is until...

I found something else to clearly show that michael is the stooge paid for by pif.

WHAT THE FRICK ONIONS
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Mon May 12, 2014 12:44 am

Michael and PiF are the same person. The person you met at the meets(me), was a paid actor to divert attention away from micheals dual personality. I am also his stunt bottom/ bottom double.

User avatar
KAGU143
Administrator
Posts: 1299
Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:09 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby KAGU143 » Wed May 14, 2014 8:29 am

This explains a lot .....
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Wed May 14, 2014 2:14 pm

Direct Confrontation: Easiest and quickest way to send me into a full blown panic attack complete from uncontrollable shaking and tears.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Thu May 15, 2014 8:49 am

Yeah sorry about that, you did say you wanted to see michaels bottom doubles bottom :lol:

I should have warned you about the "W" tattooed on each cheek. :shhh:

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Thu May 15, 2014 2:14 pm

The prospect of being confronted with either of your asses is too much to bare :|
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Fri May 16, 2014 4:49 am

Dear Boss, it is 13.45. If I messed something up last shift, you do not pay me to care until my next shift. In this case 14.00. I am ignoring you until then, especially if you are an asshole about it.

See you in 11 minutes.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Fri May 23, 2014 12:33 pm

In 2010, I would have given anything for time to stop and wait for me. To process what had happened so I could carry on.

Now I feel as though I'm still there trying to get my head through what had happened. It wasn't even that what's, more the how's. I feel like my body is carrying on and doing what it should be while my mind is a picture etched in time on the tiles of a cold bathroom floor. Frozen.

I repeatedly say I can't remember events that have happened since. A classic example today is that I knew my friend is married and has a son but I can't figure out how. In my head she has only recently split up with her boyfriend and is still single. That saddens me. I still wake up feeling scared, expecting to be in that house, still repeating first year at Uni. Looking round corners to make sure nobody is there that I would rather not speak to. Still in that relationship. Did I ever really come out of that bathroom?

To any SJWs reading this, I wasn't attacked. There are far worse things a person can do.

It's like my memory has decided to ragequit and just repeat the past 24 hours in my head. Except it's not the last 24 hours, this was nearly 4 years ago now.

I don't particularly want to live in the past...I guess my memory has decided to take that to the extreme. It's funny, if something has happened that I don't particularly like, I'll just rewrite the memory without realising I'm doing it at the time.

I'm fine, just frozen somewhere back then and less able to process events which have happened since.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Sat Jul 05, 2014 9:53 am

So we found my dog barking in the garden at something in one of the holes he dug, we investigated and there was a young female blackbird there. We picked her up and she was gasping for air. We thought she might be thirsty so we gave her a drink and a worm and put her in a flower pot with some flowers in it so she could recuperate and be on her way ~ or so her mum could find her and bring her food.

We left her there, came back 15 mins later and she had died. So I picked her up again and we buried her about a foot under a paving slab so nothing could dig her up.

I can't stop thinking about her :( It's the closest to seeing something die that I've ever experienced.

Did we do something wrong? I don't think my dog attacked her, he seemed to be barking to alert us to her presence :/ She probably feel out of her nest, apparently there was a big blackbird fight over a nest in our garden this morning.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Sat Jul 05, 2014 9:59 am

you would be surprised how many chicks fall out of the nest then pop their clogs within hours

it's nature...we all die...don't worry :patpat:

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Mon Jul 07, 2014 5:15 am

At least she got a proper burial, most birds get eaten by cats.

We went on a family outing today, it went pretty well except I came back from it a common criminal. At the end, I got locked in one of those old public toilets and couldn't get out. I ended up breaking the door and lock getting out. Then we ran away :|
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:42 pm

Run forest Run

you have a pm

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Tue Jul 08, 2014 1:51 pm

So most people nick office stationary from work...

I'm clearly not normal...

Image

They were chucking him out.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
Narnia
Established Member
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:42 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Narnia » Wed Jul 09, 2014 11:39 am

So it's more recycling or even rehoming :)

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Wed Jul 09, 2014 2:32 pm

I thought that was Michael without his tye dye shirt on at Toronto Pride?/?

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:35 am

It is o.o

IVE GOT MY START DATE

MONDAY 28TH JULY

GUYS

I CAN MAKE THAT MEET
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

PiF
Apositive Star
Posts: 2269
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 1:47 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby PiF » Sat Jul 19, 2014 2:16 am

This is good to know, Michael if you havn't read my reply in the other thread..your link to avens meet page...non members can't see it so the suggestions aren't visible

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Wed Jul 30, 2014 1:15 pm

It's my appeal day.

I'm not going to do it since I'm still disappointed over how I've been treated.

Not angry. Disappointed.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Ciri
Mega Member
Posts: 712
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:48 pm

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » Mon Aug 11, 2014 7:48 am

I had bad news on Saturday. That is all.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

User avatar
Narnia
Established Member
Posts: 70
Joined: Fri Dec 06, 2013 7:42 am

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Narnia » Tue Aug 12, 2014 8:39 am

Sorry to read that - it seemed things were picking up for you