Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

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Ciri
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Ciri's Shitty Blog [Dead]

Postby Ciri » 27 Jul 2013, 13:25

Since fuzzlebutt is so interested in my sleeping habits, have a thread to let everyone know youre off to bed.

I've been up since the 24th with no caffiene. Will probably stay awake until monday morning.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Ciri
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Re: Good night!

Postby Ciri » 27 Jul 2013, 20:12

Bed time. Wide awake. Still no caffiene.

It's 8.09am my time on the 28th. I don't have the mental function to figure out how long I've been up.

Today has been very productive. I joined Aroplane (to try and hate myself less) and the second thing I did was heavily flirt with a mod who should know me well enough by now to know when I'm playing. ^_^

Goodnight!
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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ParaLLL
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Re: Good night!

Postby ParaLLL » 27 Jul 2013, 21:03

...How do you stay awake that long?

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Ciri
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Re: Good night!

Postby Ciri » 27 Jul 2013, 22:05

Dunno. But I can't sleep now :(
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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ParaLLL
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Re: Good night!

Postby ParaLLL » 28 Jul 2013, 05:45

Hm. Well. *offers cookies?*

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Ciri
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Re: Good night!

Postby Ciri » 29 Jul 2013, 08:53

nomnom ^_^

I MIGHT ACTUALLY SLEEP TONIGHT. I'm tired. I ran around a sport centre and kicked the living crap out of a metal pole. (The pole won).
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Re: Good night!

Postby ParaLLL » 29 Jul 2013, 10:40

Good luck!

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 20 Sep 2013, 12:42

Dear Shitty Blog,
My therapist says I should do one of these. Creating an actual blog is too much effort. Did you know I'm really lazy?

Today, I went shopping with my mother. Still no acknowledgement that I graduated. Cheers mum! I applied to take a course in Forensic Science. I really don't want to go into work, school work is literally the only thing I'm good at. If I could stay in uni forever, I would.

I am currently at work. My father doesn't understand why I don't just work here full time, I thought 'because by the end of the year, I would be under a murder charge' was an acceptable answer. Apparently not. My job sucks. Almost as much as my shitty blog.

Sorry doc, no deep insights into my mind or feelings here.

Love,
If I sucked as much as this blog does, I would probably think I was sexual.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 21 Sep 2013, 01:47

Much of life sucks but people hold onto it must be better than this

it is..but far too many are looking for the one big change...the lottery win, becoming a footballer, marryinbg a footballer lol..etc

as such we overlook or miss the smaller things which change us..a friend saying hi just when we need it, holding a door open and someone saying thank you ..you get the drift

we are worker bee's...I have no problem with that...i just choose to buzz a little rather than moan a little..yes even me

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 21 Sep 2013, 20:39

I secretly wish that people would ask me how I am =/ When people say it could be worse, it really couldn't. "At least you have a roof over your head", 'Shut up. That's the majority of the issue. By just standing up, I risk being screamed at. Good help me if I drop anything. Walking on eggshells. Constant pressure to live up to impossible expectations. I'm sorry I'm not perfect. I would honestly rather be dead than living here, unfortunately I have no cash.'

But it's not even just my family who expect perfection, AVEN did too. Perfect behaviour. 'Hey, Ciri, don't react negatively when the wrong button is pushed. Don't joke around like that. Don't verbally abuse those who stalk you'. I don't work like that. Sorry, I'm not perfect. My biggest weakness is my inability to take shit from others, many would consider that a strength but it hey it resulted in my banning. It's easy enough to tell me to stop getting myself warned, Flergelwit; everytime I signed in I was under intense pressure to try and have the perfect personality again. I needed breathing space, being accused of all these random things, followed around forums - sometimes by admods. Deleting posts seconds after I posted them, that's not even an attempt at not being obvious. Pile and pile pressure on someone and eventually they're going to break. Sure watch me from a distance, be there after I've made a wrong move but don't make it so obvious that I feel suffocated. I know people will read this and see it from their point of view and have a different opinion of what happened but this is my truth. After I did what I did, I felt relieved. Almost free. Because I knew I would have at least 6 months of not feeling claustrophobic. I need a break. I need the world to stop for 2 weeks for me s so I can have a rest. A 2 week sleep. Why did I hang around there? Because it was a laugh. I had non-judgemental friends. I remembered how fun it could be before I left.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Maybe as an eye opener for how easy it is to damage somebody, maybe I'm nuts. Maybe I just really need some sleep (likely).

I strived for perfection. I managed to find it but it's ugly. Everything presumes its this beautiful, wonderful thing, they haven't sought it hard enough yet. I didn't recognize it for what it was until recently. I tried to be the perfect friend, daughter, student. Instead I inadvertently created my own perfect hell.

Love,
I'm probably going to regret spewing out feelings I don't want to acknowledge, after I wake up.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 23 Sep 2013, 00:52

Nothing wrong with spewing out feelings..sometimes what we talk is shit but it feels good to explode...as to aven...the more people that are involved in something the more chance dissagreements will happen

I recently asked to go back to aven and was asked.... why? you have not been contrite or apologetic...I replied why should I? what i said was genuine and with truthfull purpose and I do not intend to start being two faced now just to get into an internet forum......I think the recipient thought I should go down on bended knee...they know me not well enough

But Ciri it raises my point..if an internet forum is run as a dictatorial manner seeking only bumlicks and abusing those with a free spirit then why struggle and beat yourself up about something you can never change???

In many ways... Aven or more to ONE OR TWO who run it prepare you for real life and the nastyness of those who seek power to control others and who give very little chance to the reason they were elected or appointed. Much of life is that..napoleon syndrome is very much alive

The key is to find a medium of your free expression, accept someplaces will have limitations and lastly I say with much experience...if they are wary of the truth then it is they not you..that has the problem

Plus being an emo teen/young adult is never going to be a good time of discovery...that is what discovery is all about...finding the crap as well as the good

Yes you are a little nuts too lol but then aren't we all in our own way?

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Tanwen » 23 Sep 2013, 05:10

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to be what others want us to be that we lose who we really are - and who we are is so much better than others' visions. This site may be slower than AVEN but it's as AVEN was in the early days - a time when people got to know each other and would support each other through the hard times, when you could be more free in how and what you wrote. This is a better place for you at the moment (even if I am here).
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 24 Sep 2013, 00:20

Ciri I just got the message you sent to PiF...lol your funny

If the internet has given us one thing it is the ability to exude what we feel without the boundaries of realism and sometime that is what you need

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby KAGU143 » 24 Sep 2013, 05:39

Hey Ciri, you can pretty much feel free to let it all hang out here. Venting is OKAY.
My admodding style is very different from AVEN's. If you accidentally step over the line or post something that really pushes the limits there are usually not any serious repercussions from it.
What I do is either delete or modify an offending post and then PM the member with an explanation.
To me, this is the way that adults should be treated: No threats, no public humiliation - just a clarification of the rules and an expectation that people will do their best to abide by them.
(And, all kidding aside, there are a FEW rules here, but they are as non-intrusive as possible. Mainly: don't insult each other, don't post things that denigrate entire groups of people based on their beliefs, race, sexual orientation, or etc, and don't try to sell things that have nothing to do with asexuality. Spammers will get no mercy from me!)

I try to treat others the way I would want to be treated in the same situation. 'Nothing religious about it or anything - it just seems like a sensible way to deal with things.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Tanwen » 24 Sep 2013, 06:32

'Do as you would be done by' :)
You lose nothing when fighting for a cause ... In my mind the losers are those who don't have a cause they care about. - Muhammad Ali

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 25 Sep 2013, 13:15

Cheers dudes, I gladly expect to be treated in kind =p Eye for an eye. Preferably with diagrams and/or webcomics. :D

I start my voluntary job assisting my local hospitals older peoples mental health team tomorrow. Should be interesting since I got kicked off the last one for "socially: you are not ready to work with patients in a clinical setting". If I can get through the day without being very blunt about death, dementia or Alzeimers and upsetting someone, it was a very good effort.

One of the things I'm going to have to hand out a sheet called "About Me" which an old person or their family fills out to do with what they would like to happen in hospital if there's a time where they can't communicate. Such as whether they would prefer a same sex nurse to help wash them, if they like Tea or Coffee, their daily routine, favourite tv show or music. And I'm going to have to explain it sensitively. SENSITIVELY. I guess I'll need to start learning what this being sensitive milarky is all about @.@

Ciri's About Me Form
1. Hates egg. And fish.
2. Likes Jeremy Kyle but will turn tv down if shouting starts.
3. Coffee is good, Tea is good. Neither will keep her awake.
4. Can't open doors or cans properly.
5. Doesn't like continuous noise.
6. Leave me alone means leave me alone.
7. Does not exit bed until 11pm.
8. Likes playing Plants vs Zombies 2 on her ipad. Do not attempt to remove ipad.
9. Use all out medical terms when talking to her, simplifying will just be tedious for everybody.
10. Suffers from Atopy - eczema, asthma and allergic rhinitus upon coming into contact with dust, pollen and benzyl alcohol (other ethanol types too - not sure of specifics yet). For the love of god, don't spray the room with air freshener or perfume. Don't touch after using alcohol hand rub. Diclofenac causes asthmatic reaction.

^ Included number 10 because doctors can be morons when it comes to checking medical notes. Learnt the hard way.

Also, I'm going to sell Nancy.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 25 Sep 2013, 23:38

pour quois nancy? she's priceless

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 27 Sep 2013, 16:52

Because if I sold the aven cake, I would be pounced on in 2 seconds by thousands of angry asexuals.

Update: I hate when I'm not listened to. Like disproportionate ragefilled anger.

Humans are too complex for me to understand. I thought a human psychology degree would help but now it's just more confusing and I'm more aware that I cant understand behaviour, thoughts and feelings. i tried shoving you all in little boxes but people don't stay in there and keep moving to other boxes.

The army rejected me. Oddly on the grounds that I had minor surgery at the age of 4 and take prescribed contraceptives. You'd have thought they would be happy knowing no one was going to get pregnant while there or suffer from tonsillitus.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 08 Oct 2013, 14:32

Dear shitty blog.

Today I found out that Siggy is spreading around that people from Apositive are trolling him and that we are all the most terrible people in the world. I find the accusations amusing considering the people we have on here. Out of everyone it's most likely to be me. I've been busy looking after my pup (he's got post operation sickness following neutering :c ). And the majority of tumblr are sanctimonious dumpbuckets, so I avoid it like the plague.

Oh. I'm applying for masters courses starting in January. And most of the Uni's accept my grades! Yay.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby KAGU143 » 08 Oct 2013, 15:30

I haven't seen Siggy for ages.
But yeah, I'm a terrible person. It's true.
I mean, it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it, right?
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 09 Oct 2013, 01:08

It's my fault I'm afraid to say. Siggy has been after me going out on a date with them for years and since refusing he has gone all drama queen on me...O the passion. :D

On a lighter note ..Fingers crossed on your masters

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 15 Oct 2013, 15:28

You should just give into poor Siggy, mate. He must have been after you for a long time :(

I have an issue. Something I should probably speak to my parents about. Have some background info:

My younger brother is 20 years old. He has a job and is moving into his first flat next week about 5 minutes from his work where he's held a full time job and is close to getting promoted as assistant manager. BUT he also has classic autism. He has the mental age of probably a 10 year old and can only verbally communicate in a very basic manner. His understandiing of social situations is poor but somehow seems to have grasped the necessities for being a manager at work (wtf). He's very sweet and naive, would do anything for anyone.

He has a co-worker who seems like a nice girl. It started with him going in early to help her do her job which she should be doing herself since he isnt getting paid for his time. He has bought her things but as far as I know she has repaid him in kind. They seems to be spending quite a lot of time together, he's clearly got a crush on her. This has no escalated and he has recently offered to pay a £2000 debt for her - we have hopefully talked him out of this. There's a difference between lending your best friend of 10 years that amount of cash and outright giving it to someone you met a few months ago. And she didn't say no to him. I'm worried that she's taking advantage of him.

But the most worrying thing is that she has a boyfriend and I'm not sure my brother knows about him. If he does, I'm still worried that his acts could be misconstrued as trying to get with the girlfriend. I've seen pictures of this guy, I would not like to mess with him. Maybe I'm just stereotyping as I've never met him but as far as my little brother is concerned I would rather not take the chance. Worse than this, I'm worried my brother will take the girl back to his new flat and she could possibly misunderstand him or she and her boyfriend could try and take advantage and use my brothers new flat as a drugs den or something like that.

Am I just being overly paranoid or would it be best to assert caution here, I can't sleep because I want to talk to the parents anout it.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Harmony » 15 Oct 2013, 18:05

Good call, Ciri! Definitely talk to the parents.

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby KAGU143 » 16 Oct 2013, 06:03

I'm going to play the devil's advocate here because ... well, somebody has to do it. ]}:)

First, your brother is 20 years old, and that makes him an adult in most of the ways that matter. He is definitely old enough to progress on to the next stage, which is to make his own mistakes and to learn from them.
Being autistic and lacking some social skills is not the same thing as being stupid or incapable of learning. He might very well be setting himself up for a big fall, but if so he should be allowed to do it. There are some lessons that simply can't be taught; they have to be lived, and, as life lessons go, L2000 is very inexpensive. Trust me on this one.

Why do you say he has the mental age of a 10 year old? If he's holding down a job as you say then I suspect he's a lot more developed than you are giving him credit for being.
Let him live his life and let him make his own mistakes. You can't do it for him.

As for telling your parents? Yes, I think that's a good idea, and one other bit of big sisterly interference that would be appropriate would be to tell him about his friend's other male interest, "just in case". THAT is something that he should know about, if he doesn't already. He might already know, though, and since he's a human being he's probably going to do what any other emotion and/or hormone-addled person would do in a similar situation: deny what his own judgement and his senses are telling him and choose to interpret things according to the way that he wishes they were rather than the way that they are. Another characteristic of that condition is feeling deep resentment against any who try to correct those skewed perceptions. That imagined persecution can even work to strengthen the delusional thinking, and that's definitely not what you want.

That resentment against interference is a pretty basic human response, autism or no. Just think of teen-aged romances, religious experiences ... heck, just about any "ism" you can think of.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

Disjointed

Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Disjointed » 17 Oct 2013, 10:22

Nancy basically covers all the bases and I fear it will end in tears whatever is going to follow. This might just be one of those learning experiences he has to face to learn from and the family support him when and if it does happen. Given he is attaining a flat, has been promoted at work like Nancy I would agree that possibly he has more nouse than you give him credit for ...but... i totally understand you wanting to be protective of him.

On the other subject, Siggy is getting nowhere near my chocolate button. thank you very much

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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 20 Oct 2013, 13:32

I played devils advocate with myself and thought you might be right...

BUT.

I had a queazy feelings which I initially put down to my mothers cooking. Then I did a bit of digging on this guy.

I now have his full name, age, location and job history for the past four years. Nothing untowards there really.

But I dug a little deeper.

Turns out his owns several weapons, a rifle and has previous for being a little shit and involved with gang culture. Which his girlfriend is also apparently part of.

Instinct.

Hey PiF, you now have your own webcomic. I need to upload some though. http://cirisshittywebcomics.wordpress.com
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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Ciri
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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 22 Oct 2013, 08:41

OH GOD YOU NEED TO SEE THIS AWESOME PICTURE I JUST TOOK FROM MY BEDROOM WINDOW.

Image
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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KAGU143
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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby KAGU143 » 22 Oct 2013, 14:23

!!
I'm pretty sure that's a dragon.
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

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Ciri
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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby Ciri » 25 Oct 2013, 14:23

Quite possibly @.@

Dear Shitty Blog,
If I don't write this somewhere, I wont hold myself to it. Writing it makes it more real somehow.

I'm done with aven. 250% and a million times over, done.

You try and help them out and get more shit than the person you're reporting. You end up in a worse position than that person and couldn't go back anyway due to the amount of crap you'll receive for it. An admon makes a promise saying the person you reported wont find out it was you and that promise isn't upheld. You send an email to discuss it and you're completely ignored.

Screw it. I don't care.

You can't outright ban me so you make it so I can't return by doing this. Tell me if I don't like the rules, I should make my own forum. I'm 99% sure you didn't expect me to go and do that after you outright told me I'd make a horrific admin. I actually have my members singing my praises.

A true advocate for fairness would never have done this.

You broke my number one rule: Don't f*ck with me.

Love Ciri.

PS. Ready for some fun?

It's stupid. It's not even that which pisses me off. It's promising me something and not delivering, then ignoring my email. Don't effing ignore me.
You're all dead and I'm your eternal punishment.

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KAGU143
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Re: Ciri's Shitty Blog

Postby KAGU143 » 29 Oct 2013, 06:11

Their loss.

You started a forum? Do tell!
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.


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