Why asexuality is at risk

For discussion of general issues pertaining to asexuality.
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Why asexuality is at risk

Postby PiF » Tue Jan 12, 2016 5:17 am

I need a clear projected direction here so will start it at the beginning

I will use certian terms, they are not with intention to offend but simply point out the bleeding obvious. I say it not with anger but more in a calm but pointed direction..onwards

The internet has largely created Millenials..Millenials is the name generally used for those born between 1980 to pretty much 1999, they are sometimes called generation memememe

The reason for mentioning them?

They are along with the internet, emotionally bereft of compromise, are full of apathy and a lot see relationships and children as simply "too much hard work"

Personally I have no problem with the honesty that comes out from this....not all millenials are bad people ..but they are mostly self centered.

WTF has this got to do with asexuality I here some say? Simple

In relation to another recent discussion it would seem that some are continually confusing...I couldn't give a fu*k about a long term relationship or having sex....therefore I must be asexual.

Judging by the figures from the cdc in the states and nhs in the u.k. how people interact seems to be more " I do not want a hard work long term relationship but will cherry pick from those I know or yet to know" This has meant certianly sexually that people are more likely to have one nighters to "scratch that itch" and then have no real relationships at all.

http://www.cdc.gov/nchhstp/newsroom/201 ... lease.html

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexandyoungp ... /STIs.aspx

Sadly this had led to the increase within the gay community of hiv and aids again also they have, along with the straight community an increase in sti's

My point for mentioning these is to show that as a generation, the current one is largely internet driven when it comes to relationships and those relationships that happen in the real world seem to be more pick and choose the best bits rather than than take the rough with the smooth of long term relationships...Again I mention this is what it is

The problem for asexuality is.....many of these are incorrectly then identifying as Asexual when in fact they are sexual but simply operate under a generational shift in how that sexuality works......pick and mix sexuality is more of an open and mememe based way of life

We as Asexual's now find a new challenge. Before we had to prove we were something real and as we are on the cusp we now see millenials throwing into the mix even more doubt as the general movement of todays sexuals are promoting their way of life as asexuality because as usual the confusion around "I lack sexual attraction" with "I don't have sex/have sex often.

It is a challenge I think we face and perhaps in being so inclusive we have lost direction. Telling someone is not "denying them" but is more accurately describing what "we are" and not what they are not.

It should not be deemed offensive to be as correct as you can be in order to help others understand who and what we are.

That is the challenge do we promote inclusion at the cost of accuracy or are we accurate but welcoming to others?

I think it is a discussion that we need to have to ourselves and if we do it right then there is a huge potential to remove much of the confusion about what is an Asexual and what is sexual in a way that help many.

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby the-ace-guy » Wed Jan 13, 2016 9:51 am

I couldn't agree more. I rarely see a story or a post by someone who is asexual that doesn't define themselves by saying "I don't like sex" or "I just don't care for sex." No one ever says they aren't sexually attracted to anyone.

I've even started to doubt myself and wonder if I can still claim the label asexual, because everyone is now under the impression that someone who is asexual doesn't care for sex and can take it or leave it. I have had someone explain to me, an asexual man, that because I am asexual that means I'm still attracted to people, I just don't care to have sex with them.

You will not be able to stop people from using the word asexual to describe themselves, but I think the community has only done harm to itself over the years by encouraging it.

Here is a perfect example:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/mo ... m-asexual/

This story got major play mainly because it was published by a legitimate news source, and the person in the story does a podcast about asexuality. But when you read the story, throughout the entire thing he ONLY talks about not caring about sex and not having sex. An no point does he ever explicitly state he is not sexually attracted to anyone.

This is another example:


HeyoDamo comes out as asexual in this video, which got tons of views. But his definition of asexual in the video? "I don't like sex."

I'm not saying neither of these guys are asexual, but if they are they aren't doing the community any favors by focusing on the fact that they have no sex, and not relating it to not being sexually attracted to anyone.

I'm sorry but anyone in any orientation can not care for sex. A straight person can not care about sex. A gay person can not care about sex. A bi person can not care about sex. Etc.

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby PiF » Wed Jan 13, 2016 10:41 am

Hi Acey guy and welcome

I saw Robins story but then it filters down to others also such as this http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/artic ... d-sex.html

you will see the problem Man, 23, who has never kissed a woman before comes out as asexual to explain his sexuality doesn't mean he's 'broken' - he's just repelled by sex

not kissing a woman or being sexually repulsed is nothing to do with being asexual...it got worse, He has never kissed anyone other than his own mother

again Robin said his repulsion towards sex and physical relations with men or women has caused many to accuse him of being a repressed homosexual and pry into his personal life."

now again sexually repulsed is not asexual but still people tootle off to the press promoting it as such and we are largely shafted but it does explain why so many wrongly confuse asexual with no sex.

This also was there He said: 'I thought, "I'm not attracted to girls so it must be guys".'..again attraction or the lack of it towards a particular sex is not asexuality...asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. I am straight so I am attracted to the ladies, just not sexually.

and for me this kinda summed it up and why robin is confusing himself and the readers of what an asexual actually is He said the lack of sexual thoughts is the only difference between his life and anyone else's

I have sexual thoughts, i have had sexual partners and I am creative, look how many asexuals are into S&M...it is not ...not being sexually creative, sexually mind busy or even repulsed

It is just one simple thing, we have no box that is ticked for sexual attraction towards others....the end

i am sure robin is a perfectly nice guy and it would be unfair to lay all of this at his feet as there have been many before and increasingly some to come...but his articles highlight why so many confuse asexuality with celibacy and many other things which are nothing to do with asexuality.

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby Skycaptain » Thu Jan 14, 2016 2:21 pm

Firstly i'll agree that asexuality , non libido, hypogonadism, depression et al are all differential diagnoses. Then there comes other forms of attraction. For example I can see someone and think that they are pretty, intelligent, have the same sense of humour etc. But at the end of the day all I will see them as is a friend, companion or hopefully partner, but when all else has been removed, I just don't want to have sex with them. Therefore, and being 43 and having been introduced to all orientations and nothing has floated my boat, I must be asexual.

If anyone doubts that people can be asexual please refer them to me

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby PiF » Fri Jan 15, 2016 1:08 pm

I just don't want to have sex with them...this is the bit that causes the confusion sometimes

I am straight.....girls only thank you as a possible partner.......................No Choice in the matter
I am asexual.....I completely lack any sexual attraction to another...........No Choice in the matter
I am celibate.....I just don't want to have sex with them.......................My choice

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby CatBunny » Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:27 pm

Reminds me of celebs claiming they're bisexual or gay but clearly they're not or they're horribly misinformed. They do it for the fame or scandal and it's worse when they're serious. I remember one female star said "I'M TOTALLY BISEXUAL, I WOULD TOTALLY BE WITH A WOMAN, BUT NOT HAVE SEX OR DATE. I'M JUST ATTRACTED TO MEN MOSTLY, NEVER FOUND A WOMAN HOT, THEIR BODIES ARE ICKY, BUT I WOULD GET CLOSE. I'M TOTES BI GUYS"

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Re: Why asexuality is at risk

Postby PiF » Tue Mar 08, 2016 5:05 am

I think it's always been known that females are more likely to have had some kind of girl on girl situation leading from a crush at one end and a relationship at the other...but will still clarify themselves as either bi or straight......most of these do happen at the experimental/teenage phase

Men on the other hand are far less likely to have a boy on boy situation leading from a crush at one end and a relationship at the other...but will still clarify themselves as either bi or straight......most of these do happen at the experimental/teenage phase

I do see some celebs using sexuality as nothing more than a marketing tool to sell themselves or their trade as a product

Vety much like our own grey section and most noobies...they seem to be very confused about what things are but then try and sell it to fit into their own version and personal life situation rather than be honest one way or another

Where asexuality suffers ...and proved by the aven 2014 census...(you can't see the 2015 one that was closed 4 months ago because they won't let you :D )
where asexuality suffers is that so many "identifying asexual" are clearly not but then project project alphabet soup with all it's labels as asexuality

Celebs or their people then hear about the latest craze amongst the young but social media heavy youth and soon you have people thinking...I know..another new audience to appeal too...we saw it with the pink pound...many shops started highlighting they were lgbt friendly...they were before but didn't need a sticker on the window..but realised the profit to be made

Often I point out about aven and it's definition...I often say..if you are looking for what an asexual is..then look at avens title, decide then yes or no and walk away

the minute you go into the forum...it's a bit like a google search..there is so so much variations and information and almost all of it is wrong

but youth and the phase from teens to early adult as we all know...is when people try and define the rest of their life ..in a few years, we've all been their but for the internet generation it must be a nightmare